To think my parents may have stolen my savings

[notagainnellie]

I'm really not sure about this and would love to hear others' opinions.

My parents recently told me there was an account/bond thing in my name that I had known nothing about (I'm in my thirties) and that they were going to cash it in. They needed documents from me as it was all in my name. Also, my godparents had to sign something as well, though I don't see them (neither do my parents - no big reason, just drifted over the years) so I haven't discussed it with them.

The cash was for a significant but not life-changing amount and was issued to me in a cheque. My dm then said that we would be sharing it three ways between me, her and df - they are still together. She asked if I thought that it was fair, so I just said yes and transferred the money to them accordingly. The more I think about it, this was an account or whatever set up for me on my birth (hence the involvement of my god-parents) and my parents have now taken two thirds of it. It's also odd that I was never told about it imo - as if they had decided years ago that I wasn't to have it...

Fwiw, I know little of their financial circumstances, but df was made redundant about 15 years ago from a professional job and has never attempted to work since, despite being 50ish. Dm took early retirement not long after that. They got a lot of money when his mother died a few years later and moved to a bigger house at that time. They spend a lot on his smoking drinking habits and go abroad quite a bit.

What they spend their money on is nothing to do with me, I know that, but I am going through a divorce which will cost me as I was the only earner. I am comfortable, but have to worry about money quite a bit and still don't know the outcome of the divorce. This money was great, but a bit more of it would have been even better!

I just can't shake this feeling that they have taken what is mine and I don't know how to feel about it.

Exactly, it matured years ago.

I'm sorry you experienced this OP. But agree with whoever said a real lesson learnt. Its not just you. Many people are encouraged not to "ask too many questions" in life but just accept things and people's motivations on face value. Ignoring red flags in new relationships is just one example. Accepting even your parents good intentions in a potentially dodgy transaction where you probably lost out . But you said you had alot going on so give yourself a break

Buttered. Just because someone is practical doesn't mean they have no 'heart' or empathy. If you think I've never been emotionally blackmailed, you are dead wrong.

The OP needs to find a way to deal with her parents, her father especially sounds like a nightmare. But what's done is done and it's best to see it realistically. They asked, she agreed, now she's rethinking, which she is entitled to do. If she feels she was taken advantage of, manipulated, or agreed out of a feeling of guilt or obligation and it is opening her eyes to her relationship with them then she needs to take steps to change the dynamic. Counseling will help.

Personally, I'd probably go LC or NC with my father if he were like OP's.

My parents took out policies for my brother and I which matured when we turned 16. Most of my school friends parents did the same.
My school friends policies paid for their driving lessons, my parents gave us twenty pounds each and kept the rest as it "was their money as they had paid it in".

That's just the impression I got, sorry if I was wrong.

Some of these posts are awful, sounds like it was the done and acceptable thing to rip off your own children.

I was in care. Various people would kindly give me money for birthday and Christmas presents. Person charged with caring for it took it to put it in my bank account.

Yep, took the lot.

Absolutely disgusting. I'd report it, even now.
Don't worry, their crap WILL hit the fan.

My parents did the same. The "insurance man" came round every Thursday to collect the premiums (I remember because if my mother had no money we had to be very quiet so he would think we were out!). The policies matured when we each turned 16 and they quite openly talked about what they would do with the money. It was never seen as belong to any of the siblings - it was definitely 'their" money. It was a few hundred, not thousands.

It depends who put the money in the account. Was it their money? If so, that's kind of a tax-fraud.

If the money did not come from them, it was out of order on their part!

In any case, if the money was to be split between you, it should have been 50/50 at the least! They still are a couple right..?

Yeah I'd be pissed over either scenario, it seems a bit grabby.

It does sound as if they've bamboozled you out of it but as you agreed there's nothing you can do about it now. Try to move on and put it out of your head. Unless you want to confront them and have it out? But I'm not sure what good that would do.

A lot of parents think their children don't notice these kind of things, either that or they don't care.
This thread has been quite upsetting to read.

At very least why didnt they split it 50/50 if they are still together! They have got a third each but being married you share money really so theyve taken two thirds even though they are together :/ sounds like youve been ripped off big time :(

Sorry a bit off topic but I think it may be appropriate.

As his son had just started work, Years ago a colleague asked for advise about what rent I paid to my parents. I had been paying £3 and it had just gone up to £4, at the time my basic was around 3 times this. He then asked his son for a third of his wages every week (it was not a lot different to my pay) in a very short time his pay rapidly increased , so my colleague made the decision to take no more that £5 and put the rest in a deposit account with the view of handing it back to his son when he got married. His son started grumbling about how much he was expected to hand over but accepted he had agreed and dad never let on about the account.
Some time later (5 years?) his son started buying a house which I think was about £18,000, he got a lovely surprise when dad produced the account book for about a third of it.
In those days the interest rates were around 10% for savings and 15% for mortgage.

Children's accounts attract 0 tax. Maybe it was a slightly dishonest way of making more from their savings by putting it in your name but if your God-parents were involved, it suggests they put money in just for you. I suppose it could have been a small amount and your parents have added to it over the years. Did you see statements?

I know someone who used to take a percentage from all her kids' if they had savings/inheritence. As far as she was concerned she had housed, clothed, fed, etc them and she felt it was her right. All of the kids except one gave in without a fight but all of them resented her for her attitude. I would have done too. I think your parents may not have 'stolen' your money but they have obviously made a serious error in their relationship with you. Maybe that should not go unsaid but it depends how important it is to you.

My Dad did the same. A third of my wages. In an account in my name but on the understanding that it was his if he and mum needed it and mine if he didn't or when he died.

Things are not always what they seem

I would ask to see the statements, as they are rightfully yours.

My friend took out 20yr Endownment Policies in the names of each of her four children, shortly after each was born. It was always understood that these policies were her way of saving, and of having life insurance just in case the unexpected happened (burial costs, etc). However, as each policy ended and paid out, she gave all of her children some of the money (each got the same amount) from each policy. She kept the bulk of the money from each policy payout. After all, she had paid the Endownment.

Just because someone is "family" doesn't mean they are honest or will treat you fairly, or if that's too strong for you, that their idea of fair play matches yours. (Think back to those family games of monopoly if you don't believe me) Family have your inside information and are best placed to take advantage of you. My neighbour signed over her share of her Dad's money to her bro, I've no idea what pretence he used but he took advantage of her ignorance, whereon he disappeared with the lot to Australia. OP please check to see if there are other bank or savings accounts in your name (and maiden name). Its easily done from the moneysavingexpert site.

If you ask now after you have actioned it, be prepared for a family argument that may change your relationship with your parents forever!

I would go NC with your father (keep your kids away from the nasty bastard) and don't feel bad about upsetting your bloody mother, she has been complicit in all his dealings. Not supporting your only child at uni and not helping with the wedding is twatty behaviour. You don't really have a relationship with your parents at all - don't put your kids through this as well. My FIL is a buffoon and treats my MIL like she is a simpleton but instead of doing something about it she says its just his way. I have been NC with them for years.

Ask them, but be prepared that they may have spent the money already and then it might be awkward for you to get it back (without resorting to court).

Good luck, whatever happens, and good luck with your divorce.

If the account was set up for you when you were a child (eg by godparents) then your parents could well have been the trustees. In which case both their signatures and yours woukd be required to take the money out. You duly signed and the money was issued to you (not jointly to you and your parents, confirming that it was probably money intended for you. If it was a joint account the cheque would have been made out to all of you). Very strange that you never asked who had put the money in (if it was your parents maybe they feel they have a moral claim) or maybe it was your godparents, or maybe it was one of these accounts where relatives can pay money in over time, so instead of giving you 20 quid for your birthday they put it into your account. Whoever saved it, it was clearly intended for you and your parents have been out of order taking a share. But they asked, and you gave it to them without question, so not really stealing.

I've been in a similar situation and agree with the previous posters like OllyBJolly. I was told it was an insurance policy they had taken out and then matured years ago, and if I could clear it into my account and transfer it to them. I think it was only about £2k, so not huge sums. I thought it was dodgy from the point of view that if it was in my name it should be mine, but to be honest I didn't see it worth the battle - they're old and not exactly rolling in it - just a bit morally suspect. If it was me, I'd have given it to my children. That said, in my case, they've probably spent it on the grandchildren. It can be hard even for reasonably strong people to stand up to their parents like this - no-one ever wants to accept their parents are stretching the truth!