Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep this a massive secret

297 replies

Gymboree567 · 04/08/2016 19:39

I've got no friends
There I said it! I never tell anyone, my family, people at work, I feel like it's more embarrassing than a really embarrassing illness!
If I had to make a choice I'd rather tell people about the time I had an anal fissure than admit to having no friends
It's always used as an insult, "billy no mates" "got no friends"

Is it that embarrassing? Should I be keeping it a secret?
If you have friends, do you think it's really weird?

OP posts:
lougle · 04/08/2016 21:09

Whereabouts do you live? I'd go for a coffee! I'm sure that you just need to find some nice people to spend some time with without feeling paranoid that you are 'unfriendable' to get you started.

I was lucky that I am part of a church so had lots of people who were lovely to spend time with, despite my introvert character. Now I've returned to work I feel much happier to take and leave social stuff.

MUjunkie · 04/08/2016 21:09

I'm the same! My auntie and I are really close...best friend, sister, like my mum, and I've always got her but I haven't got any friends. I'm friendly with people at work but not friends.
Every time I'm going through shit I get more upset in the fact I haven't got anyone to talk to, or go for a drink with etc.
I think I'm a nice person, generous, thoughtful and would do anything for anyone but like others have said, it just never sticks!
And my 15 year old son (mr fkn popular, could fall in a pile of shit and come out with a mate) always takes the piss out of me saying I have no friends!

It's fkn depressing isn't it!

Sunshineonacloudyday · 04/08/2016 21:11

As parents we live such busy lives I don't have any friends. Thats only because I don't make an effort and friendships do take work. There are nice people out there you just have to find them. The upsides to not having friends is they don't know your business and they can't gossip about you. If you remember back to the time when you had friends you gossiped about people and everything else. I talk to a woman now and then and every time I sit with her she is slagging someone off. Do you really miss having friends that much if you were to be honest with yourself.

Original poster
Gymboree567 · 04/08/2016 21:11

I thought I had a good friend once but she moved to another city without telling me, I was knocking on her front door but she wasn't in, overheard at toddler ground she had moved. Good job no one was in she didn't even live there anymore
You really couldn't make this stuff up!!!!
Put me off friends

OP posts:
Original poster
Gymboree567 · 04/08/2016 21:13

*toddler group

OP posts:
KitKats28 · 04/08/2016 21:13

I think a lot of the time it depends what you term as friends. Some people are happy having lots of "friends" but actually they are really just passing acquaintances. People they are friends with on Facebook or see in the pub.

I tend to think of friends as people who would do anything for you, drop everything to help you etc.

I don't actually have either. I'm not on Facebook, and I have precisely 3 acquaintances that I go for coffee or a drink with 2 or 3 times a year maybe. I've discovered over the last few years that I have no-one who would drop anything to help me. I agree with a PP that if I won a trip for me and a friend, I would have to take my husband or my daughter.

I used to have a friend that I would do anything for, but she took and took without giving and it was so unequal that I had to move on from it.

Now my agoraphobia is so bad that I'm quite glad I don't have any friends. I don't have to make pathetic excuses not to go out!

Original poster
Gymboree567 · 04/08/2016 21:18

I don't want to put where I live, because I don't want to be outed, I'm still embarrassed about it

OP posts:
Klaptout · 04/08/2016 21:21

Msqueen, I hear you, my young adults have SN which makes getting out there harder, when they were younger there were lots of groups of other parents in similar situations at their SN school. There's nothing now they are older.
Do you get any child free time?
I understand that when you do you need to recharge yourself.
I've done lots of volunteer stuff, and did make lots of people but no lasting friendships.
I have joined Meetup and have been on a couple of events but didn't gel with anyone. I will keep trying different groups there's got to be something, I've just need to find it.
Most people I know are in a relationship and do stuff with their partner and extended families.
We should all do a meet up. Bet there would be loads of us.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 04/08/2016 21:22

I tend to think of friends as people who would do anything for you, drop everything to help you etc.

Thats how I feel about it or otherwise what is the point. I thought I had a friend once until one day she invited me over and she didn't answer. I could see her little girl in the conservatory so she was in. She could have turned me away if she wanted to at the door but to blank me shows me she doesn't know me as well as I thought. I quickly moved on.

GettingScaredNow · 04/08/2016 21:24

Gym it's like we're the same person!

I never enter those things that say 'you and friend' cos the only person I can ever think of to take is my mum! I love my mum and we actually share interests. She's probably my closest friend. But she's my mum.

STBXH once said I should enter the X factor cos I am actually a good singer. The only thing I could think of was 'if I got through they do those interviews with family and friends and go to your town... There isn't anyone to interview and I have no friends to come out to scream for me' made me cry.

If you ever win a trip for you and a friend, I'll go with you. We can be buddies!
I live in North London. And I've done all the groups and baby things. Met a few mums at the nursery drop offs, great for a few play dates. But not lasting friendships.
And now I'm getting divorced I just feel so utterly utterly alone.
I want to travel the world. And to a point I'm fine doing it alone but I want someone to be there to share it with.

Original poster
Gymboree567 · 04/08/2016 21:27

Sometimes I think, all I want is a friend/close acquaintance who I can go for lunch or a drink with, is that really too much to ask?
Gettingscarednow, unfortunately I think I live a 4 hour drive from you!

OP posts:
Original poster
Gymboree567 · 04/08/2016 21:29

Omg I'm trending, now I feel popular!!!

OP posts:
george1020 · 04/08/2016 21:30

I don't have any friends at all.

I don't really feel like I am missing out. It's really strange as I was quite popular in school and collage but realised we had nothing in common at all and everyone was just horrible about each other behind their backs and I sort of learnt how toxic it all was.

I now have really bad anxiety which means I would be a rubbish/selfish friend anyway.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 04/08/2016 21:30

I grew up in North London all my "friends" who I used to go out with are down there. Where I am living now it has not been easy making friends as they are all mums themselves so finding the time to socialise without the children is a challenge.

JinRamen · 04/08/2016 21:31

I have no friends either :) and :(

Also,Flowers for you op.

helenatroy · 04/08/2016 21:33

Seriously try Meetup They have book clubs, dining groups, sport, language groups, groups that just meet for coffee and all sorts. I joined one re walking dogs and all the people are local and are great. Meetup is a website or app for your phone just put in your post code and see what's available. Lots of people seem to be in the same position.

xexxsy · 04/08/2016 21:34

I think it's an age/generation thing for a lot of people.

When younger we are surrounded by lots of friends, go to the pub/nightclub and on holidays together and so on. Life was the same for all of us and we were free to do it.

Then move on a few years and the children come along. Some friends do not have kids, or are not coupled up... cue lives go in different directions.

Then you get to the stage where it just isn't that easy anymore to go out for a night/weekend with friends anymore. DP/DH fills the gap now.

And then slowly, people (and yourself) peel off.

Saddest is for those who do not have a partner or family at home I think. But only if they are sad about it! Many people live quite solitary lives very happily thank you very much!

Depends on your personality type I reckon.

As for me... well my sister is two years younger than me. Best friend ever. We don't see each other every day or week, but we do go on hols together just the two of us, and get up to all kinds of fun together.

I have a few friends, but their lives like my own have gone in different directions. It happens. We do meet up three or four times a year that's it.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 04/08/2016 21:39

My fun time was cut short as I had my first child at 20 and I can count on 1 hand how many times I have been out. Its not that I didn't want to I moved out of the area and it became very difficult for me to build new friendships. I don't worry about it it will happen when I am ready for it to happen. At this present time I am busy looking after my 4 kiddies.

lougle · 04/08/2016 21:39

Well if you're down South, let me know Smile

Judydreamsofhorses · 04/08/2016 21:43

I think it gets far harder to make new friends as you get older, and everyone is busy so it's hard to maintain relationships. I have a few really good friends, but only one lives in the same city as me now, so we're not together in person that often. I'm friendly with work colleagues, but think I'd only keep in touch with a couple if I left, maybe the odd lunch or whatever. My partner is my best friend - he's my favourite.

SallyMcgally · 04/08/2016 21:44

it can be a matter simply of being in the wrong place and things not gelling. I lived abroad for a while and found it puzzling to have no friends there, as I've usually found friendship ok. I remember being on interview boards, looking at candidates and thinking 'if we appoint her, maybe she'll be my friend.' Now back in uk, and finding it friendlier. Church has been great for that. Also my best friends tend to be older - one could be my mother. School gate mothers have never liked me in any country - given up on trying to find out why! If you are near Devon, feel free to message. I love going for coffee!

monkeytree · 04/08/2016 21:45

I'm not sure I have any real friends and I do find this a bit depressing. I'm not perfect but do have many qualities that would make me a good friend. I think I have high expectations of people and generally find they disappoint me. I think people are just very wrapped up in their own lives and looking after their own. Having said this, I would love to have a couple of really good friends who I genuinely would like to spend time with and yes actually be able to call upon and knock on their door and just have a cuppa. I don't have much extended family either, I feel quite shocked sometimes at how I've found myself with so few people around me. I have a lovely dh and 2 dd's though. I am developing other interests and hoping to meet more people eventually with similar interests rather than just other mums where all we talk about is the children although this is obviously something we have in common.

SallyMcgally · 04/08/2016 21:47

Also your FB friend who deleted you and not your husband sounds like an absolute cow xxx

KitKats28 · 04/08/2016 21:47

Maybe all of us friendless saddoes should get together! At least we wouldn't have any expectations of each other.

Julius02 · 04/08/2016 21:49

I don't really have any friends either, and no close family. I know people, but there's no-one I could go shopping with on a Saturday, or have a glass or two wine with or coffee and a chat. I feel slightly better reading this and knowing it's not just me...

Swipe left for the next trending thread