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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Can't his grandparents just have him?"

89 replies

Zuccarelli · 03/08/2016 08:42

Aibu to be annoyed at being asked this by my manager? It's in reference to my 18mo. Dp and I work around each others shifts. Him ft me pt so we don't have to pay childcare as we can't afford it.

I normally work more than my contracted hours anyway to help out and I always help if I can. On the occasions I can't I get asked the above question. I have explained to her numerous times that they all work full time. Even when I've said I'll ask dp to swap his shift I'm still met with that question.

Aibu to find it irritating?

OP posts:
Original poster
Zuccarelli · 03/08/2016 08:43

Also, she is a grandma herself so should understand!

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 03/08/2016 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose · 03/08/2016 08:46

YANBU. I would be quite upset if my work asked me this, since the dcs' grandparents would love to have them but all live hundreds of miles away.

Very unfair of your employer. Asking once was bad enough. Asking repeatedly is unacceptable. Can you discuss with line manager, HR or someone?

Original poster
Zuccarelli · 03/08/2016 08:50

She looks after them occasionally but not for childcare purposes. Just for fun.

We don't really have hr as we're a small team. I also wouldn't want to rock the boat as I've just got a promotion.

She asked again yesterday and I just said no, sorry.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 03/08/2016 08:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SecretSpy · 03/08/2016 08:51

We work the same way, both doing shifts.

I offer to work what I can, sometimes colleagues can swap around to provide enough cover but ultimately, I can only work what I can work.

I would just suggest not emphasising the child too much and sticking to sorry I'm not available on X day, but I can do Y day if that's any help. And don't get too dragged into discussing the ins and outs of what the GP can do. We have no local GPs, they offer an occasional weekend but that's all really and they're aren't in good health.

chalky3 · 03/08/2016 08:52

No YANBU. You work the hours you're paid to do and you have no obligation to do anything more, the fact you do is great for your employer and they should be grateful. Perhaps start saying no more often to extra work so they won't expect so much of you.
I get this occasionally, or 'can't you ask a friend?' Everyone knows our families live too far away to help with childcare, and friends work/have busy lives too.

kiki22 · 03/08/2016 09:00

This drives me crazy when anyone says it anytime as if grandparents have nothing better to do even if they don't work why should it be up to our parents to look after out children.

Pearlman · 03/08/2016 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArcheryAnnie · 03/08/2016 09:13

She is the one being unreasonable. You sound like a very responsible employee. Your personal arrangements are none of her business.

Just keep repeating "no, they are at work, too".

VioletBam · 03/08/2016 09:14

If you have repeatedly said

"No sorry"

It sounds like she's irritated that you don't have another form of childcare. Not that this is anything to do with her.

She knows they can't because they never do....but she can't very well say Send him to nursery then

Can she?

SaucyJack · 03/08/2016 09:15

YANBU.

Plenty of GPs don't look after their grandchildren whether they work themselves or not.

But that's beside the point. She should respect the fact that no member of staff is available 24/7 just "in case" she wants them to do overtime. No harm in her asking, but she shouldn't be badgering.

FayaMAMA · 03/08/2016 09:16

I'm a single mum and a student so my DDs grandparents HAVE to help me out just so I can go to work most of the time. Unfortunately my 'boss' knows this and gets moody (like a teenager Hmm when I refuse shifts to look after my girls and asks the same question that your manager did. It really frustrates me. YANBU. I like what Pearlman said, "He isn't their responsibility" which is what I'm going to say next time Smile

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 03/08/2016 09:18

YANBU.

DP used to get this. For some reason his boss couldn't understand that DD's GPs are all two hours away with their own lives, and of course they're not going to drive two hours to have DD on a regular basis (my parents do in emergencies, but that's only absolute total emergencies, not work).

VioletBam · 03/08/2016 09:21

Faya they really don't HAVE to help you.

They don't.

They do because they're nice and are in a position to.

I was alone and working and studying with my DD1 for 18 months and my parents didn't help me. Because they could not.

They worked and were too elderly and tired.

mrssnodge · 03/08/2016 09:23

This does my head in too but for other reasons- why do some automatically think grandparents = retired?? Im a grandparent at 48- I have another 19 years at least of working, when my grandchildren are adults I will still be working-!

Muskateersmummy · 03/08/2016 09:23

I don't think it's wrong to ask the question but having asked it already and been told they work then it really shouldn't keep being asked.

2ndSopranosRule · 03/08/2016 09:25

YANBU.

I've had this from a junior member of staff when I had to take a day off as my dd was unwell and I was delayed (by 24 hours) responding to an email.

I told her it was none of her business. And that I wasn't about to leave a vomiting child with a grandmother who is poor health or a grandfather whose advanced age (late 80s) might mean a nasty bug could be fatal.

VioletBam · 03/08/2016 09:26

Snodge I agree! My mother is almost 70 and still works and has a busy social life. She's never babysat.

Well I lie...she did ONCE when I had a meeting with an editor. She drove me there and sat IN THE CAR with baby DD who screamed the entire time.

Then she drove me home. ;D

I was very grateful. She's not a "babysitter type"

Notmymonkeysnotmycircus · 03/08/2016 09:30

My female boss once told me to put my DS in full time nursery - even though my DH was a shift worker and we could manage to cover 99% of the time. All I wanted was a tiny bit of flexibility to make it all work but she was a total pain in the arse about it.

I approached HR and reduced my hours very slightly in the end much to her annoyance but she arranged it on a rolling monthly basis saying that if she felt it wasnt working she would give me one months notice to come back full time.

When I got pregnant the second time whilst still on the reduced hours she went mental and shouted that 'she had a department to run'.

All the time I was on maternity leave she reminded me that the reduced hours arrangement was stopping and that I'd have to come back either full time or job share. She knew I couldnt afford to take a pay cut to job share so she knew she had me over a barrel.

Luckily unbeknown to her my DH got a pay rise and towards the end of my maternity leave I realised that I could actually afford to job share. I wrote to her and told her and it was arranged.

When I came back to work she called me in her office on the first day to give me my new contract on the job share. She told me she didnt know what I was playing at and that I had wrecked my career and that I wasnt ever going to get anywhere now. She handed me the letter with my salary on it and it was £2000 a year less than I was expecting. I questioned it and was told that she was cutting my hourly rate (despite going back to the same job) because I could no longer do the same amount of work!

I told her it was illegal - she told me if I wanted the job share (and I needed it at this point as DH was working more) I had better keep my mouth shut.

It happens all the time.

ToDuk · 03/08/2016 09:32

Do you get paid for the extra hours you do? If so you can just say no I can't do the overtime right now. I'll stick to my contracted hours. If you don't then you can just say no.

ToDuk · 03/08/2016 09:33

No explanation needed.

hels18 · 03/08/2016 09:39

YANBU - I would never ask my parents to look after my little one. I want them to be the grandparents and have fun with them, and not the main care giver during the day.
I find it very unfair that some people expect it from their parents, or like your boss, assume that the grandparents are always on standby in case of a childcare need. My parents have busy lives and I would not expect them to drop everything (unless it was a real emergency!).
I am not saying they wouldn't look after my children, but I do not see it as their role and responsibility.

Original poster
Zuccarelli · 03/08/2016 09:40

VioletBam she can be annoyed all she likes Grin She knew my childcare arrangements from day 1. I got the job when ds was 10 months and knew it would work like this.

Pearlman that's a great response and what I will use from now on!!

mrssnodge I totally agree. His grandparents are all young to, only in their fifties! Even if they were retired I'm sure they would have more exciting things to do.

Notmymonkeysnotmycircus that is shocking!!! She sounds awful!

OP posts:
hels18 · 03/08/2016 09:41

Sorry, lost the point along the way (it's a topic that annoys me!) - it is not your boss's business who looks after your child.

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