"Can't his grandparents just have him?"

[Zuccarelli]

Aibu to be annoyed at being asked this by my manager? It's in reference to my 18mo. Dp and I work around each others shifts. Him ft me pt so we don't have to pay childcare as we can't afford it.

I normally work more than my contracted hours anyway to help out and I always help if I can. On the occasions I can't I get asked the above question. I have explained to her numerous times that they all work full time. Even when I've said I'll ask dp to swap his shift I'm still met with that question.

Aibu to find it irritating?

Totally unnecessary to explain to your employer. They would be ripped apart at a tribunal. If you cannot work you cannot work. Far too many poorly educated (HR wise) people in management posts.

'It's not just employers. I've had this from doctors, health visitors, pretty much anyone I've ever had to explain that I can't do something because of childcare. I hate the assumption that everyone must have local family who help out and I don't appreciate the questioning that follows a 'no' - seriously, I'm not going to have just forgotten about the loving relative round the corner who adores the kids. '

This. In fucking 2016. 'Don't you have anyone (who can provide free childcare at the drop of a hat)? Family? Friends?' 'Um, NO. Don't you think if I had I'd have fucking rung them?'

DH's parents are 2.5 hours away and not able to care for children due to ill health. My parents are abroad. All my mates work all sorts of hours.

I worked for my brother managing a shop for him. I worked mon-fri from when I started in 2011. After I returned from maternity leave from baby no2 in January 2015 he insisted I had to work weekends. My husband works shifts but has to work a Saturday my darling brother then questioned my husbands ability to be a father and look after his kids,then told me he had arranged for our mum to childmind even though she lives 80 miles away!!!
People are unreal. I took him for discrimination & harassment. And won. Don't let her bully you. X

Hi I would defiantly nip this in bud and say no I'm not contracted to do weekends but guilt tripped into it the staff who are don't do their fair share or their asked instead of just putting them on a rota, my husband gets paid for working over and weekends I don't so if we have to do the same weekends I have to take my daughter to my parents at 6.30 at a weekends who are nearly 70 same if I ask for school holidays I get told your not the only one with children I know that but I put the request in as soon as I can. One of my colleagues ended up paying a child minder far more than she earned for weekend child care, she also had to use her annual leave when her kids were sick then had her wages docked when she had no leave she's a single mum with no one to have her children she wants to work to set a good example it feels like all the odds are stacked against women who want to work perhaps I just have bad experience

Was going to add awful thing to say but I work part time 8.30 till 4.30 been working over till 9 and taking work home don't get over time or time in luei managers know this I get no better thought of than those who leave 10 mins early stopped doing it now as hubby on call not that we think his jobs more important than mine but ... He gets paid for it I don't that's how I look at it now got a mortgage and bills pay my managers never work over xx

Both my DH & I work FT but I'm really lucky in that my job is reasonably flexible & I have a sympathetic boss who also has childcare issues (no local family & wife working FT). My DH, however used to work for a right chauvinist pig. Whenever DH asked for time off for any form of childcare issue (to cover school holidays or illness etc) his boss' stock response was 'can't your wife have them?' (his wife was a SAHM and he was very much of the 1940s 'women stay home and look after the kids whilst men go out to work' school. Even after my DH explained numerous times that 'yes my wife does have them more often than not but she does work FT herself and she simply doesn't have enough holiday time to cover all the school holidays... ' etc he still used to get into a huff whenever DH asked for time off (time which he was entirely entitled to take off as part of his annual leave package so it wasn't as if he was asking for any special favours or anything). When the wife question was always met with the same answer he would then always come back with 'well don't they have GPs?' Needless to say DH found a new job pretty sharpish...

Wow Lily Well done you. Bet he had the right hump when you won.

@HelenaDove. He sure did. We haven't spoken since but my family comes first. How dare he!

YADNBU. It is really depressing how common this attitude is. My workplace is similar, there is complete confusion when I explain about nursery opening hours. "Can't grandparents pick them up?". . NO!!!!!

Another MNer with 3 dead GPs and the last remaining one, my DDad, in his 80s, clueless about children and childcare and living 200 miles away. Even when DCs were younger and PILs were alive, DH's DM had dementia (that would have been interesting, she couldn't remember whose children they were and used to ask me every half an hour or so!), so DH's DDad had a full-on family caring role already. They lived 300 miles away.

I might add that, once we got to having DS4 and DS2's autism and severe learning difficulties were very evident, people did stop assuming that anyone, never mind GPs, would step in and look after them!

Ooops! Forgot to say YADNBU!

I used to work Tuesday - Thursday, but if there was a one off meeting I'd try to come in for it, on Mondays or fridays. My boss suddenly started setting g up a team meeting each week for the following Monday, so I asked if it could be on Tuesday instead as it was difficult for me to come in, with childcare arrangements, and he said 'your domestic issues are not my problem'.
The rest of the team looked stunned, and I had a think, then approached him the next day and asked for a meeting with him, but I said I'd like to have it the following saturday; he looked puzzled and said he didn't work on Saturdays - and I replied that surely that wasn't MY problem!
To be fair to him, I could see the penny drop, and he apologised for what he'd said, and stopped putting meetings on the days I didn't work!
It sounds like you work in a v small company, so prob can't risk annoying ur boss with similar manoeuvres, but maybe it's worth looking for something where you are more valued?

Everyone has the right not to be spoken too like that. I've heard terrible stories in the past and not all involved children. Picture this whenever you get asked...You're a single man who is solely responsible for your elderly mother who relies on you to cook meals and help her get dressed or ready for bed. It is therefore essential that you only work certain hours. Sometimes she has a carer or a friend who can help but very rarely. You wouldn't think twice about not working extra hours and your boss wouldn't dream of pressing the point.

You possibly need to work fewer hours for a bit. I hope you get paid for your extra hours. Don't be so willing to help out though. Make an imaginary call to check if you can. Make them realise you're working extra. Then you won't get a whiny toddler why not from your manager!

Thanks for all the responses. I can't believe the cheek of some managers!! I'm going to be more firm and ensure she knows it's me doing her a favour not the other way around! I think I'll just do my contracted hours for a few weeks so she can see how much I do.

I wouldn’t leave as aside from this issue I absolutely love my job and have a real passion for it so I am very lucky!