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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be anoyed that friend said I'm a pushy Mum

89 replies

NotEnoughTime · 02/08/2016 17:26

Can I ask your opinions on this please?

I bumped into a friend this morning on the way to the train station (I say friend-she is the Mum of one of my DC's friends) and we exchanged pleasantries, as you do.

She asked me where we were going to and I said the Science Museum to which she said "You're such a pushy Mum" and laughed Shock I didn't say anything as I didn't know what to say Confused

Thing is last time I bumped into her (outside of the school gates) was at the same train station TWO YEARS PREVIOUSLY when we were heading to the Natural History Museum so I guess she thinks the only time I take my DC out is to a museum!

Now I know it's not a big deal but it has played on my mind today as I really don't think I'm a pushy Mum at all. In fact I could probably do with being a bit more pushy

I remember reading an article about a lady called Amy Chua who had written a book called Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother and she was one very pushy scary mother Grin

Can I ask

1)What's your definition of a pushy Mum? and
2)AIBU to be annnoyed that she said I'm a pushy Mum?

OP posts:
NoCapes · 02/08/2016 17:27

She sounds very odd, I wouldn't be so pleasant to her again

AddToBasket · 02/08/2016 17:30

Pushy parents generally want the best for their DC - so it is clearly either a backhanded compliment or an insult you can be pleased with.

I don't think taking children to a museum in the school holidays is inherently pushy though.

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 02/08/2016 17:30

Watch Child Genius on Channel 4 tonight. Those are pushy parents! Going to the national museums twice in 2 years is not pushy. Although is a incidence to see same mum twice. That said she was only joking so you can stop worrying about it Smile

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 02/08/2016 17:31

Coincidence not incidence.

DeadGood · 02/08/2016 17:32

What the hell does going to a museum have to do with being pushy?

What am I missing?

ApocalypseSlough · 02/08/2016 17:32

You're not and she's a walking example of low expectations and why children don't reach their potential.

M0nstersinthecl0set · 02/08/2016 17:33

Ignore her. Pushy to me is trying to hot house the kids (additional tuition, curtailing their social life for academic extras) a gifted/ capable child can manage on the same amount of schooling (as long as it's tailoredvto their ability) as anyone. Extra schooling = unfair pressure that only a pushy parent would put in place. They're also the type to reward success rather than effort.
Museums don't come into that.

DeadGood · 02/08/2016 17:33

I'd think a pushy mum would be one who phones her most wanted school once a day to see where her child is on the waiting list; or one who sends her child to ballet, judo, art and language classes even though her kid hates them; or one who shops her kid around casting agencies every weekend. Something like that.

DragonsEggsAreAllMine · 02/08/2016 17:33

To me, pushy parents are the ones that do cultural activities rather than fun things, put pressue academically or make the children do many hobbies.

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 02/08/2016 17:35

I don't think you are pushy and I think it's likely that she was just teasing - I would have laughed it off at any rate.

AnnaMarlowe · 02/08/2016 17:35

I'm kind of sad for anyone that thinks that taking your kids to a museum makes you a 'pushy Mum'.

Both the Science Museum and the Natural History Museum are inherently good fun (and free!). Any education value is a side benefit.

My children are taken to museums , art galleries or historic sites several times a month (for fun!) Lord knows what she'd make of me. Grin

AnnaMarlowe · 02/08/2016 17:36

Dragon I'm not sure why cultural activities don't count as fun?

Original poster
NotEnoughTime · 02/08/2016 17:37

NoCapes I think you are right, I will just avoid her in future.

AddToBasket I will take it as a compliment then Grin

DoNotBlameMe I watch that sometimes-I agree they are very pushy parents. She def wasn't joking though as she said it with a kind of a sneer on her face-it's hard to explain-but the tone of her voice wasn't very pleasant.

OP posts:
KondosSecretJunkRoom · 02/08/2016 17:40

But don't ask me. Over the last few weeks we've been more castles and museums than you can shake a stick at but, despite having lots of fun, I think the only information retained by my children is the price of the tat in gift shops.

Ragwort · 02/08/2016 17:40

So what if she does think you are a pushy mum, I would much rather be thought of as a pushy mum than a laid back, uninterested mum Grin.

I think it is too easy to care about what people think about you, so long as you are confident in your decisions, what does it matter? I've learned long ago to accept that not everyone likes me, just as I don't like everyone. Smile.

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 02/08/2016 17:41

If she was sneery perhaps that was because she was jealous you were doing something so cool and educational with your DCs where hers watch. ( Disclaimer my 2 are watching Pop as I MN...)

apivita · 02/08/2016 17:42

No that's not pushy. Just try and ignore her. People comment that I am pushy - by virtue of the fact that I am the same ethnicity as Amy Chua and my kids happen to enjoy Math (I also got an A at a level math but I was seriously flunking math the 1.5years run up to a levels).

We would get on the train to go to the museums because it's free and it entertains the kids. I have done that many times. The train costs a lot to get on. I can't afford another £100 to go to kidZania!

Smile
DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 02/08/2016 17:42

That was supposed to say while hers are watching Pop!

BakewellSliceAgain · 02/08/2016 17:45

I think yanbu to give this person's comments any more of your headspace.

She is either a foot in mouth type or she genuinely believes it's pushy to take your kids to a museum. Either way nothing to worry about.

BakewellSliceAgain · 02/08/2016 17:46

Sorry , I mean you are being unreasonable to be bothered.

myownprivateidaho · 02/08/2016 17:47

cultural activities rather than fun things
SIGH

PterodactylToenails · 02/08/2016 17:47

I love going to the science museum and so do my children. I don't consider myself a pushy parent!

MerryMarigold · 02/08/2016 17:51

I guess it depends on what else you do / have done. My dds friend's mum forced the teacher to move her to free reader. I'd that was combined with endless museum trips I may have the tendency to think 'pushy mum ' but I would never say it. That's really weird.

Original poster
NotEnoughTime · 02/08/2016 17:52

Ragwort You are absolutely right and Iam trying really hard to not let other people's opinions of me bother me so much. It is getting easier as I get older.

DoNotBlameMe Mine watch plenty of crap TV too Grin

apivita Money does come in to it too of course. I try to mix up the school holidays with "free" activities (the train costs a fortune!) and paid for activities actually one of the ones my younger DC really enjoyed was Kidzania Smile

OP posts:
ArsMamatoria · 02/08/2016 17:57

she said "You're such a pushy Mum" and laughed

Could it not have been a joke that didn't quite find its feet? A couple of friends and I light-heartedly mock each other and ourselves about this sort of thing a lot. We don't actually think we're being pushy parents by taking our kids to museums!

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