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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be anoyed that friend said I'm a pushy Mum

89 replies

NotEnoughTime · 02/08/2016 17:26

Can I ask your opinions on this please?

I bumped into a friend this morning on the way to the train station (I say friend-she is the Mum of one of my DC's friends) and we exchanged pleasantries, as you do.

She asked me where we were going to and I said the Science Museum to which she said "You're such a pushy Mum" and laughed Shock I didn't say anything as I didn't know what to say Confused

Thing is last time I bumped into her (outside of the school gates) was at the same train station TWO YEARS PREVIOUSLY when we were heading to the Natural History Museum so I guess she thinks the only time I take my DC out is to a museum!

Now I know it's not a big deal but it has played on my mind today as I really don't think I'm a pushy Mum at all. In fact I could probably do with being a bit more pushy

I remember reading an article about a lady called Amy Chua who had written a book called Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother and she was one very pushy scary mother Grin

Can I ask

1)What's your definition of a pushy Mum? and
2)AIBU to be annnoyed that she said I'm a pushy Mum?

OP posts:
Original poster
NotEnoughTime · 02/08/2016 17:58

MerryMarigold I would never dream of telling a teacher to move my child up a book level or to make them be a free reader-I tend to trust the teacher to know what they are doing.

Bakewell Yes, I agree IABU to be bothered about what she said you don't see that often on AIBU Grin

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 02/08/2016 18:01

How does taking your children to a museum make you a pushy mum.
I wouldn't be annoyed. I'd be confused

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 02/08/2016 18:03

Ooo I have actually asked teacher to move kids up reading bands! Must be pushier than I though. Now where are those Child Genius application forms...

Summerwood1 · 02/08/2016 18:05

No,you are a lovely Mum. My daughter loves going to the Museums in London. She's so interested in everything,I'm like the child that trails behind and pretends to also enjoy it!

Original poster
NotEnoughTime · 02/08/2016 18:09

Iliveinalighthouse I'm not sure really but I think it may be that she thinks going to a museum is something I want the DC to do rather than what they would want to do themselves perhaps? Her DC are both very big into football (her husband is the local kids football coach) so she is often taking her kids to play in matches or watch matches. My DC are not interested in football (watching or playing) and maybe she thinks this is because I make them go to museums instead!

DoNotBlame Grin

OP posts:
DinosaursRoar · 02/08/2016 18:15

Oh dear, she's the sort of dull person, lacking entirely in imagination or interest in the world, who views going to a museum something you would only do under sufferance, purely to gain knowledge, not something that anyone would find interesting or fun.

Not pushy to take your dcs to interesting things, it's just she's trying to make herself feel better about not doing anything interesting with hers.

Dandelion6565 · 02/08/2016 18:19

Was she heading off to work? Maybe she was envious of you.

I wouldn't worry I'm a pushy mum, it's a good thing. I'd hate to be one of the can't be arsed parents. Mine went hiking today, with lots of geography,excercise, navigation and fun!

WingsToFly · 02/08/2016 18:20

Where was she off to on the train?

I think it says more about how she feels about her own parenting in that moment. Also think 'pushy' wasn't even the right word for what she was trying to say.

MammouthTask · 02/08/2016 18:21

A pushy mum is the one who goes in and insists that the meals prepared for school dinners aren't balanced enough. It's the one that goes on and on to the teacher and HT about how the way maths/english/whatever isn't taught appropriately. It's the one who will insist that their dcs will carry on doing some music even if they can't be bothered, will bet some tutors because their dc is slightly behind etc etc.

It's not going to a museum.

My dcs are teenagers now and I wish I had been that pushy actually because sometimes pushy means taking children where they want/need to be but being pushy can also mean not accepting sub standard teaching, a child struggling wo appropriate support etc...

CedarSpring · 02/08/2016 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elfycat · 02/08/2016 18:25

You don't sound like a pushy mum at all. It's a day trip to London to a museum. Unless you are going to make them read every information plaque? And give them a test tomorrow?

If you are sure that the comments came with a bit of an attitude, and that you are not arm-wrestling teachers into putting them up levels Wink then I would place her in the 'uncomfortable with her own pushy-mum level' parent and ignore her.

The one thing I'm really learning is that people reflect their own inadequacies onto others. Negative comments = defensive = fear. Look for what could be causing the fear. Then realise it is THEM and not YOU and move on.

Mind you I'm considered a bit of an overachieving parent because my kids like fruit and vegetables (a lot, they are really enthusiastic about them), amongst other things.

Tatlerer · 02/08/2016 18:27

notenough you are definitely not pushy for taking DC to a museum. I take DD out to 'educational' or 'cultural' things/ places frequently- not because I want her to sit her GCSEs at 13 but because they're often fun, reasonably priced and get us both out of the house.

CakeNinja · 02/08/2016 18:27

Yabu to think anything other than "what a twat!" Hope you enjoyed your trip.

What is kidzania?!
Never heard of it. I have 3 DC, 12,11 and 4 - is it worth the hour and a half journey into London?

Lindy2 · 02/08/2016 18:28

The Natural History Museum and Science Museum are great fun days out for kids and adults. IMO other mum is a bit daft to think a museum visit makes you pushy. Ignore her and continue to do fun things with your kids. Do you really care what she thinks?

MammouthTask · 02/08/2016 18:32

CakeNinja I was there a coupkle of days ago and it's brillant. Two dcs 13 and 11yo. I'm sure the 4yo will enjoy it too.
I preferred the Natural History Museum to the Science museum actually.

Dontyoulovecalpol · 02/08/2016 18:35

I think if she does think you're a pushy mum it's for other reasons rather than the museum visit. Could it be playground gossip it could she maybe have mixed you up with someone else?

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 02/08/2016 18:56

That sounds barbed but some people are just like. Misplaced teasing, probably.

No, of course that doesn't make you a 'pushy' mum. She obviously doesn't understand why children might enjoy going to the Science Museum. Poor kids.

GabsAlot · 02/08/2016 18:59

think she should look up meaning of pushy

taking kids to extra curriricular activities they dont want to do or making them sit tests aka child genius is pushy

i love the science museum

Original poster
NotEnoughTime · 02/08/2016 19:14

Summerwood1 Thank you Blush Although you wouldn't have said that if you had heard me screeching at the DC to get ready this morning Grin

DinosaursRoar I think you might be right.

Dandelion She doesn't work.

Wings I don't know where she was going.

CedarSpring Iam 99.99999999999999% she wasn't joking due to the tone of her voice.

Tatlerer That's the reasons why I take my DC to museums too Smile

CakeNinja We really enjoyed Kidzania but it is pricey so it is more of a "one off" place IYSWIM.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotEnoughTime · 02/08/2016 19:22

Don'tyoulovecalpol I didn't think of that-maybe she has mixed me up with someone else.

OP posts:
CigarsofthePharoahs · 02/08/2016 19:31

DH took our five year old to the Natural History museum around Easter.
I had to stay home with the toddler Sad
They had a great time and I was told all about all the dinosaurs at great length.
They made it to the Science Museum too and it reignited his love of space and rockets. He had a lot of fun, I wish I had been there and I wish we could afford the train fare more regularly.
I don't think it's pushy. Perhaps if you'd taken your child to a less child friendly place and spent the whole time loudly educating him about the Saxons and their political structure it might be pushy, and daft.
Pushy parenting means bothering the school about very minor things and forcing children into activities they hate regularly.
I was pushed into learning a musical instrument for many years. I'd have stuck it out if I'd just been allowed to enjoy it for what it was, but I was forced into taking grades and taking everything so bloody seriously it sucked all the fun out of it.

Original poster
NotEnoughTime · 02/08/2016 19:37

Cigars it won't be long before your toddler will be old enough to go to the museums too Smile

For my DS's birthday we bought him a present which was a sleepover at the Natural History Museum-Dinosnores. He went with my DH and they both had a ball! That might be something worth saving up for?

I agree that pushy parenting is making your child do somethig they don't want to do not in a "eat your greens type of way" but endless homework, music practise, "enriching" activities that the DC don't want to do etc etc.

OP posts:
MammouthTask · 02/08/2016 19:41

I took my toddlers to museums too! I'm sure they didn;t remember a thing of what they saw but they had great fun running arund whilst we still got to look at the exibits.

And tbh, the Natural History Museum is full of toddlers anyway :)

MrsJayy · 02/08/2016 19:42

I was called a snob once for taking Dds to kelvingrove museum in glasgow apparently most folk go to the park in the school holidays Hmm no you are not a pushy mum just keeping kids amused in the holidays.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 02/08/2016 19:43

Kids generally enjoy the science museum/NH. So I wouldn't say that's pushy, even if you were going once a month.

To me a pushy parent is one who insists their child does stuff they don't really enjoy as they feel it will be good for them. I used to know a mum who's dd went to brownies, swimming lessons, horse riding, music lessons, dancing and had to do an hour of maths workbooks every night. That to me was pushy. Poor kid looked knackered.