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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think there's no point going on holiday with a baby?

193 replies

DrAston · 02/08/2016 10:21

My husband has a few days off work coming up soon (I work at a university so have the summer off) and he wants to go away somewhere. We can't afford to go abroad with it being the summer hols so he has booked a hotel in the UK for a few nights. We have a daughter who just turned one and I just don't see the point in going away. It's not like she's going to decide to sleep in till 8 each morning while we're away and when she goes to bed we'll just be sat in the dark trying not to make any noise from 7pm. My husband is not particularly (in fact 'at all') hands-on with our daughter so I'll just be doing everything I do at home but in a small room instead. It's not even likely to be good weather where we're going (I should know-I grew up there!). Do people really enjoy holidays with babies? Aren't you just doing the same stuff you do everyday but paying a lot for the privilege of doing it somewhere else?

OP posts:

May09Bump · 02/08/2016 11:04

Go to center parcs - restaurants (break from cooking), spa (hand over baby to DH - needs hands on practice), splashing and swim fun for all. Bike rides without the worry of traffic. Lodge - barbecue (weather permitting) and sitting on patio of an evening.

Not everyone's cup of tea, but you get the accommodation space, no flights and you can just shove everything in the car.

I have done hotels in the past and find it hard going everyone in one room, and sorting naps etc.

Lweji · 02/08/2016 11:05

I would go if it was a place I wanted to visit, regardless of having a baby around or not.
And would use the opportunity to tell him all the time to mind her.

Or would go to visit family.

If it's a place you know well, just to be with husband and baby, then I'd rather stay at home.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/08/2016 11:06

A lot depends on your baby, I found. My first one was pretty good - so we did manage to stay at a few nice places with him, and had a good time.
DS2 - slightly more problematic! - but we've still stayed in a few places.

I disagree re. the self-catering unless you have a difficult diet - the biggest benefit from my POV of being away is that someone else does all the basics like cooking, washing up etc. so I don't have to. Both DSs are pretty good at sitting quietly in restaurants though, so that helps. If they weren't, I'm sure I'd think differently!

splendide · 02/08/2016 11:08

I had a good trip with an 8 month old but we had two bedrooms! Me and DS shared one but meant we had evenings to sit in the garden with the monitor and have a glass of wine.

ladymarymoo · 02/08/2016 11:09

I think that your issue is booking a single room, could you upgrade to an apartment/suite with a separate room?

Or can your DD sleep in a pram? mine wouldn't, even at weddings I have to take her to bed, she would never sleep in pram beyond about 12 months.

In the days can you use a carrier? a great way to walk if raining (free's your hand to hold a brolly) also strap her to your husband sometimes, he may benefit from the closeness?

Goingtobeawesome · 02/08/2016 11:09

Why do you let him get away with doing nothing with his child?

allegretto · 02/08/2016 11:15

I always felt like this going away - it seemed like a lot of effort and money for very little "holiday". However, I have to say I always actually enjoyed it when I got there - a change IS as good as a rest. Also, could be a good chance to get DH to be more hands on. We went away to the seaside and I decided that I would go for a seafront walk in the early morning - lovely - and normally left about 10 minutes before DS1 woke up

Artandco · 02/08/2016 11:19

The main issue here is that your husband sounds like he does nothing with his child. Why?

SatsukiKusakabe · 02/08/2016 11:21

Our first holiday was with a five month old in a caravan in Wales for 3 days in September. Fantastic memories, saw a couple of towns and tourist things we'd never seen, (a couple of unbelievably beautiful places I mentioned on the unexpectedly lovely holidays thread on here in fact) took him swimming for the first time, paddled his toes in the sea on the nice day we had, windswept walks and hot chocolates with him asleep in the sling.

We didn't get much sleep at night, sometimes he was fussy and awkward when we were out, but I wouldn't change that time, it is hackneyed but it is what you make it, as with most things in life.

EweAreHere · 02/08/2016 11:22

If your husband won't step up and do half the heavy lifting when it comes to your child while you're away, then no, I wouldn't want to go away either. No thank you. That's not a holiday for you, too, which you deserve as much as he does.

I think you need to talk to your husband and lay out for him ALL the things that will have to be done to and for the baby while you're away and ask him which 50% he's going to be doing.

allegretto · 02/08/2016 11:25

Also the best bit about going away with a one year old is you take them where YOU want to go. You can plonk them in a pushchair and off you go - gets trickier when they are older and get tell you how much they hate going to an art gallery / castle / museum or whatever!

CocktailQueen · 02/08/2016 11:31

Your problem is that your husband sounds like he does nothing. Why is this? Has he always been like this?

Of course it won't feel like a holiday if you're effectively being a single parent and you have a useless adult with you.

therootoftheroot · 02/08/2016 11:32

i first took my boy away when he was 9 months old and i have NEVER sat in the dark in a hotel room from 7pm onwards. never.

you do what you want to do but you take the baby along. they can sleep in their pram and you can have a drink/meal.

pinkyredrose · 02/08/2016 11:34

Why doesn't your 'D'H look after his own kid? How about he his 4 to the hotel with her and you stay home and have a rest?

SatsukiKusakabe · 02/08/2016 11:40

Also having my husband around always makes things easier as the load is shared - your dh needs to understand this and get to grips with being a parent, a few days off work sounds the ideal time

WizardOfToss · 02/08/2016 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PartiallyStars · 02/08/2016 11:41

We went on several holidays (in the UK - I wouldn't have bothered taking him abroad!) in DS's first year or so, all self catering cottages. When he was 6 months we went to a Suffolk seaside town with my mum and dad, then at eight months went to Wales just me DH and DS, at ten months to Norfolk with my mum and dad and my sister, her DH and her three children and MiL (it was a massive converted barn). And at around 18 months to Whitstable with DH and MiL and then a few months later to Dorset with my mum and sister and DH.

The worst one was Wales because we had no-one else there to help, and DS was teething, meaning he was attached to my boob all night, and the weather wasn't great, but even there I have so many great memories of the lovely beaches, visiting a cathedral and Dylan Thomas' house etc. All the others I have fantastic memories of. I think what is needed is space and giving each other a break every so often. In Whitstable DS woke up at 4.30/5 every morning and we took it in turns to get up with him - I remember playing downstairs, then taking him to the park, then along the sea front and into town and when we got there the cafes were still shut because it wasn't eight am yet! But he would have woken up at the same time in Hackney where we lived and there wouldn't have been a lovely sea front to go to...

ADishBestEatenCold · 02/08/2016 11:42

"when she goes to bed we'll just be sat in the dark trying not to make any noise from 7pm"

Why do you have to put your daughter to bed (in the hotel room) at 7pm?

Will she not sit in her pushchair when she gets tired? Perhaps fall asleep in her pushchair?

In the evening on holiday, I have walked about town with sleeping children, had dinner out, sat in hotel bars, been to open air events ... anything, really.

Relax, do the things you want to do, ignore your routine, hand over to DH (whether he likes it or not ), and actually enjoy the experience of doing different things with your child in tow!

It really can be great!

Silvercatowner · 02/08/2016 11:42

"you do what you want to do but you take the baby along. they can sleep in their pram and you can have a drink/meal."

Or...... you do what you want to do but you take the baby along. they can scream in the pram/on your lap/in the sling, then they wake at 4.30 in the morning. Happy memories. :(

FruitCider · 02/08/2016 11:43

YANBU. I wouldn't even stay in a hotel room with my 3.5yo. Airbnb would have been better option X

SatsukiKusakabe · 02/08/2016 11:45

I went to Dylan Thomas's house on my Wales holiday with a baby partiallystars Laugharne is beautiful and clearly the perfect place to take your mind off a teething baby.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 02/08/2016 11:45

I'd go but don't follow your usual routine and certainly don't sit in the dark at night in silence! I tagged along with my exH (although obviously current H at the time) when he had a work conference in the Lakes many years ago and took our 10 month old DS - we stayed in a double room in a hotel with a cot. We had lovely time - on my own during the day took DS on boat trips, train rides, went for lunches out, climbed hills with him either in a sling or buggy. In the eves when exH was around we went for dinner/ drinks/ walks around the lake and took DS with us again in a buggy or sling - took his bottle and he fell asleep. He was so exhausted by all the activity - he slept til 9 am most mornings when usually he'd been awake by 5am or even earlier.

Original poster

DrAston · 02/08/2016 11:46

To be fair-I was a little unfair on husband. Until recently he was self-employed and left for work before daughter was up and came home after she was in bed so Monday-to-Friday it was just me looking after daughter. She was breastfed (sill is) and flatly refused bottles/formula so he never had to do any feedings/night waking at weekends and would sleep-in on weekends. He never had any paternity leave or holidays being self-employed so I just got used to doing everything myself. He recently started a new job which is why we can have a holiday.

We are definitely staying in one hotel room as husband has already booked it. We did look at centre parc type places but they were so expensive.

Will try the keeping up later/sleeping in buggy but knowing my daughter that won't necessarily go down well. She's a great sleeper when she's asleep but getting her to sleep is a bugger! (she's still breastfed to sleep)

OP posts:

Atinybittiredandsad · 02/08/2016 11:47

MrsKoala sorry but your post with the step made me chuckle. How bloody annoying that must have been.

To be honest op there's no such thing as a restful holiday with kids until they can be responsible for their own safety around 12!

welshweasel · 02/08/2016 11:49

We've been away loads already with our 6 month old. He's generally a v easy baby but come 6.30pm he needs to be in bed. Have tried sleeping in pushchair/sling...it doesn't work, he just screams and then no one has a fun evening. Things that have worked for us include self catering when we've been abroad, hotels with baby listening, hotels where we've booked a babysitter (we use sitters.co.uk) to come to sit in the room whilst we go out. All the trips have been fab once we figured out that trying to go out with baby in the evening just wasn't an option. We're going abroad again in a couple of months and I'm hoping he's more amenable to sleeping in the pushchair/staying up later by then!

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