and unfair re pocket money/paying for activities during the school holidays?

[Ellybellyboo]

I have 2 daughters - 1 is nearly 15, the other is 11.

DD1 and I are currently in discussion over the fairness of pocket/spending money and paying for activities during the school holidays.

DD1 gets some pocket money, I've bought her a bus pass for the holidays and I've said that I'm happy to pay for activities that she wants to do.

DD2 tends to get money as and when she needs it, plus she has some hobbies which we've booked and paid for some extras over the holidays (a water sports day/horse riding, etc).

DD1 has spent this weeks pocket money and not due the next lot until Monday but has asked if I can give her some money as she wants to go into town with her mates. I've said no. She has her bus pass, we have plenty of cans of coke/crisps/etc in the kitchen, help herself to that.

DD2 went horse riding yesterday plus I'm taking her and a friend to the cinema later so DD1 thinks I should give her the equivalent ££.

My argument is that I'm more than happy to pay for stuff like cinema tickets and activities that she wants to do, but I'm not handing out cash hand over fist to spend on chips and Starbucks in town

She obviously thinks I'm unfair, accusations that her sister is my favourite, etc, etc. but she seems to forget that she gets a set amount of pocket money, I've bought her a bus pass, plus I'll do stuff with her without DD2 (we're going for chocolate tapas next week while DD2 is at a friends house)

DD2's activities probably do cost a bit more, but there's absolutely nothing stopping DD1 from doing stuff

We're going round and round in circles and my head is about to explode

I also think you're being a bit unfair. The "activities" she wants to do are hanging round coffee shops.

At 15 she won't want organised activities.

Though yes, she should have a job. I had a job at 14 and bought all my own clothes though my parents paid for other stuff.

My daughters 14 and babysits. She had my 9mth old nephew over night couple of weeks back. And she is looking to get a part time job in a hairdressers and has asked at our local cafe. She is 15 in Oct. And already has a partial Cv written up ready for next Oct. She does one day a week work experience in a hairdressers. So is building experience. I think finding part time work if they are willing is good for them. Maybe ask local people to mow there lawns for small payment, weeding, dog walking..many many thing they can do to earn some spends.

I think that is unfair. If you are happy to pay for activities then great, offer that to both but they should both also get a set weekly amount of money. Once that is gone, it's gone. I agree with what you are saying about not wanting to just hand out cash to fritter away and that is fair enough but they should both have an equal amount of disposable cash for that sort of thing and once that is gone it is activities or nothing. Provided you can afford to do both of course.

I used togive the kids a set amount of money every holiday which was theirs to spend as they wished. Once it had gone, it was gone. Once they were teenagers, they were always out with friends.. I organised nothing for them or did trips.
So if they blew it in first 3 weeks, they were stuffed for the remainder of the holidays.
Now at 17 and 19 they are brilliant budgeters.

And lol at jobs for 15 year olds. How many on here would hyperventilate at a 15 year old babysitting their children?

Maybe I'm old fashioned by mine have to complete chores before pocket money is given. You don't get something for nothing in life and they need to learn that as soon as possible.

Well, I'm amazed that anyone lets a 14 year old babysit for them. And the waiting list for paper rounds is usually huge. But I'm glad some people's experience is different. Obviously the 1950s are not dead.....!

My DD babysat at 15, but in our road

Babysitting at 15. I was babysitting for half the street at 13/14 I used to get 40 some weekends. I was so busy I had to get my sister to help as I had people booking same nights and I couldn't do both. I was very mature and highly trustworthy plus I had 6 younger siblings well used to babies and children. I was highly sort after but those people knew me. My daughter only babysits for myself or close family members who know her and her character. She's also extremely mature for a 14 year old and never has followed the crowd.

1950's? How old are you? My mother did it in the 70's, I did it in the 90's, and plenty of teens babysit and work now!
I know there is a trend now to infantilise children until they are mid 20's, but really there are plenty of them able to earn themselves some cash.

I think you are being unfair.

So dd1 can only have money if its to spend on what you want her to spend it on?

Dd 2 gets more money because she is into activities that you see your money being worth while spent on but dd 1 doesnt want to do these activities and her idea of an activity is having a hot chocolate with friends in town but because you dont see that as money being spent wisely then she cant have the money for it.

I think they should both get the same amount and spend it on what they want within reason, obviously not booze and fags but there is nothing wrong with spending some of it in starbucks etc

I meant 40 pounds..not 40 jobs. I was also offered a nannies job at 17 as I had been recommended. But I declined as I wanted to complete my studies.

People nowadays are more cautious of leaving their children with young teens. Also people dont tend to go out as much so babysitting jobs are hard to find.

I personally wouldnt have a 14/15 year old looking after my 3 year old

Most of the babysitters round here start at 14, they are all local kids that everyone knows, their parents live nearby. plus they work in the local shops, hairdressers, bakery, paperrounds etc. I will certainly be encouraging my DC to get a job as soon as they are old enough. You are never too young to start to realise that if you want things in life you have to work for them.

I do think that your DD's should get an equal amount spent on them though. Could you sit down with DD1 and do a spreadsheet to work out how much each of them have had, or how to make it an equal amount each week?

I think you are being a bit U.

It wouldn't kill you to give her £5 or £10 since you are taking her younger sister on expensive horse riding activities.

Oh, she should just get a job.... Yeah cos its THAT easy isn't it. "I had a job when I was 14" well you aren't 14 any more and times have changed.

Someone was complaining that a 12 year old had been left with her 15 and 17 year old siblings on another thread. You really think parents want to leave their children with a 15 year old??

I think it's a bit harsh not letting her have money because she wants to spend it having food and drinks with her friends if you WOULD let her have it to do an activity.

If her friends aren't doing the activity you deem suitable, it wouldn't be much fun for her alone, would it?

Within reason, I want my kids to be having fun in the holidays-if that's an extra fiver to spend in town, then I'd be fine with that. If money is an issue, that's a different matter though.

I have 2 dd and pocket money has been based on what they do around the house as to how much they received. Cleaning bedroom, changing their bed, hoovering, cleaning kitchen/bathroom etc. May not be suitable for your younger dd, but could be an option for older dd to earn a little extra and maybe save you some time.
My 16yo dd has just left school and struggling to find a part time job to fund school holidays and college life in September.

Equal amount for both children irrespective of what they spend it on. The older child gets just as much fun and entertainment out of a skinny latte with boys her friends in Costa as the younger one does out of an hour pony trekking, and I know which one is cheaper.

Bitemyshinymetalass same I did it in the late 80's early 90's. I was so good I even got a medal from the police. I was left one night with 4 children who I had sat for before but on this occasion the parents did not return home. I was there till around 8am..I refused to leave those children..I had rung the childrens grandparents and the police to make sure nothing bad had happened to them. And it turned out they had a row and neither one wanted to return home so social service were rung. The police said I acted in a very mature manor and made sure those children were safe. And was given a medal by the sergeant. Some 14 year olds are more than capable.
I has 6 siblings so I had years of experience in bottle making nappy changing I had basic first aid training.

I disagree with most people here, I think OP is in her right to draw the line on whats what, she is also doing activities with DD1 along side the weekly pocket money.

Whirlwinds I also agree with her. I think I'm old fashioned, I think children should accept what the parent says.

I think equal money is fairer but I don't think your dd should expect extra money whenever she asks for it. I'd say she can have an advance on her pocket money so she can choose does she want it now or Monday. And then I'd sit down and rework things so that both had equal money spent on them (or roundabout equal, I'm not saying to the penny).

And I pointed out paper rounds? Or is that no longer allowed for 15 year olds

Do you get your paper delivered or even buy a paper daily? If so, you are in the minority - paper rounds are like hen's teeth and the houses getting papers are now so far apart that they can't be done reasonably before school unless you are in a car.

OP, I think that DD1s "activity" is meeting her friends, the equation with shop lifting is ridiculous. She is happy to be out the house and not moping about. I think £5 a week is far too little in the holidays (if you can afford more). £5 goes nowhere.

Someone was complaining that a 12 year old had been left with her 15 and 17 year old siblings on another thread. You really think parents want to leave their children with a 15 year old??

That someone was an idiot. And they do, all the time. My babysitter is 25 and a trained nurse (SN children here) but my friends all use 15 year olds for their children.
Are you really surprised by that? MN isn't the real world you know!

And I can tell you that if you have boys there are no babysitting jobs and jobs in the local hairdressers. If you live rurally where there is farm work etc then it is easier for boys to get jobs. It isn't in towns, no-one wants teen boys knocking on their door offering to cut their grass or was their car either. If you know people who have businesses it can be easier but for an average 14/15 year old boy there is really nothing.

BITCAT- you are talking rubbish, you know!