To think having a happy and genuine marriage is rare?

[Yummymummy30s]

I personally don't know any couples who are genuinely happy.

One couple I know have both had numerous affairs, got caught and separated and got back together yet on Facebook are a big happy family. I think it happens a fair bit.

Other couples I know are unhappy but won't leave because either:
A) not bad enough
B) financially not viable
C) desire to keep the family 'together' too strong
D) think this is as good as it gets

On these boards you read about couples where one partner is abusive. There is physical and sexual abuse but also emotional and financial abuse which is even more common. Many people in these type of relationships don't even realise they are in an abusive relationship.

Then there are the couples who are happy but are unknowingly living a lie. Undiscovered mistresses, prostutute visits, flings with exes. Hidden sexuality or other secrets such as secret children, gambling addiction, drug addiction or other deception.

I am single and my main relationships have ended due to infidelity or ea.

We are told that a third of marriages end in divorce but how many of the remainder are happy marriages?

Yes YABU. The vast majority of maariages are happy and genuine IME. I don't recognise what you've said in your op.
Im of an age where loads of people are celebrating Silver Weddings. Indeed I'm going to 3 Ruby and 2 Golden wedding celebrations this year.

Very happy.

I haven't yet been surprised by which friends have had failed marriages and which still appear to be happy. It will be interesting to see what happens in the next 20 years! In my limited experience, it is depressingly common for children to replicate their parents' fuck ups, however much they disapproved of them while growing up.

I've been married for 30 years next year. I'm very happy, I think we both are. But we did go through a very rough patch between around year 15 to 20. It makes me appreciate how good things are now.
I'm always suspicious of the 'we never row' brigade though. I always think 'well someone's keeping their gob shut then' Cynical? Me?

I think people are less vocal about their happy marriages in this sort of environment because there can be an awful lot of vitriol fired at those who dare to be happily married. The phrase "smug married" is thrown at people who don't fit your description, op, and it's bloody insulting. I have been with Mr Elbows for twenty years and we have been through really really rough times. Nobody is "perfect", whatever that is, and no marriage is either. We're all just human and we all just get through the best we can.

DH and I have been together around 15 years. It's not the most romantic of relationships, but it's loving, stable and based on respect. We talk through our differences and have never rowed. We've had a few moments where things have got on top of us, but we've talked and listened our way through them. We have no baggage from previous relationships which may be helpful.

We both come from married upbringings. My "parents" were married, and despite its challenges, they did complete their vows as far as "Til death do us part". Similar with DH, (not that divorce would have been a legal option) but the impression I get from his family was that it was a very stable background. DH's siblings are all (apparently) content in long-term marriages.

A PP said about weddings that they've been to and few surprises about break-ups; I've had similar experiences with friends. I can think of one that surprised me from my impressions in their early years, but they had a lot of life-crap to deal with in close succession a few years in.

We don't hear much about content, stable relationships as there's often not much to say about them.

It's our 16th wedding anniversary today. We've had a lovely evening. Waiting for H to return from his bath for our conjugal rights. We've been together 21 years. Ups and downs but always thought we'd be together. No infidelity (that I'm aware of haha).
However ... loads of our friends and acquaintances seen to have split/divorced in the last year. They say it's catching...

I have a genuine and happy marriage, we're truly best friends, we enjoy each other's company, our sex life is fabulous, we trust each other and respect each other.

We are also 9 years post infidelity. It was an awful time in our marriage but we stayed together and faced it head on, we healed and improved the marriage beyond anything we'd had before. We have faced our biggest test and we survived, we now know we are strong instead of guessing we might be.

Married 20 years next week and we are genuinely happy and love each other. Wouldn't change it for the world.

I've been married for nearly 32 years and although we do have our ups and downs both DH and I would say we have a happy marriage. I also know several other people who have happy marriages

I'm very happy with my 2nd husband. But I think it's true to say that had I not experienced a bad marriage before, I wouldn't appreciate the one I now have.

I believe that I have a genuinely happy marriage. No abuse or nastiness, not much arguing. We support each other's ideas and interests, find the same things fun and have the same values and ideals. I know a few couples that leave me wondering why they are together, but plenty that are genuinely happy too.

We've only been married 3 years and together just under 5 but we're genuinely happy. Yes we argue occasionally and drive each other occasionally potty but i love him very much and i'm fsirly sure ots reciprocated lol. We've had a very hard 14 months with out chronocally ill baby and ot's made us stronger. There's no one else i'd want on this journey with me

Fairly sure it's

We're in a genuinely happy Marriage, totally loved up. Every marriage has ups and downs, good days and bad, it's how you deal with them, is what matters.

I agree with you OP. You have an image of a couple and you may get to know them and find out the truth is far far from how you imagined it. This has happened to me time and again. Among my immediate workmates who have been married 20 years plus, one couple obviously hate being with each other but it's about money now only. One couple, the husband is known to be gay and regularly is 'away with work' in a job that would not ordinarily have nights away. Everyone else seems to know he's gay but the wife. Another the husband has set up home elsewhere but she talks as if all is well at home. The two others, one is recently married and the other is happily single. The lightest of scratches below the surface and a staggering amount is revealed. As for the total bollocks posted on FB pah!

I am genuinely very happy in my marriage. With no role models and seeing most of my family members in and out of abusive relationships I'm quite proud of that.

I don't know many people in happy marriages IRL. I didn't know any until I met my dh's family and until my brother got married.

We've got a genuinely happy marriage. Not the most exciting and no drama but we both want the same things and love spending time with each other. I've had a terrible year and DH has literally held me up at some points. But I would never talk about it normally. To me, this is what I'd expect from marriage and is pretty unremarkable.

That's not to say my marriage hasn't been without problems, of course we have had ups and downs, but we love each other and support one another and the downs never last long.

There are bits that are hard work- mostly with his illness but I would marry him again tomorrow.

I have been married almost 18 years and been together with dh for 26 years, and happy in my marriage. As is dh. Genuinely happy.

But then I think I know many people in happy marriages - my parents and my grandparents, my PILs, friends ... Nothing tells me that the majority of those are not genuinely happy. They are normal relationships - the odd disagreement but quickly dealt with, certainly nothing major bit lasting more than an hour or so on the whole. If any of those are having affairs or major difficulties it would be a surprise to me. We have known unhappy marriages of course, though fortunately not many, and they have ended up finishing their relationships and moving onto happier ones.

I think there are lots of happily married people about tbh.

Another one to join the happy marriage camp (together 33 years!) - yes ups and downs but genuinely loved the journey - he makes me laugh and the sex has always been great - has always supported me (through education, starting my own company etc). We also had an agreement either was free to leave at any time as long they took the kids with them! We don't have a dishwasher so maybe that helped!

We are very very happy. It is second time round for both of us. I was widowed, he had been left (with his teenage dc) by his wife.
28 years ago we put together 5 teenagers, two dogs, 5 cats and a horse!
Throw in a deeply religious nonagenarian (his mum) and we were all set.
We have had worries, health problems and bereavements but looking back we are deeply truly happy and in love. The cast has changed a bit now...5 dc in their 40s each with a spouse, 9 lovely grandchildren aged 7-18 and our 3 kittens.
Every day we are just glad to be together.

We have been together 31 years, and it's our 30th wedding anniversary in September. It's a happy marriage, dh still makes my world go round. His parents were married for over 50 years, until til died, and my parents managed 26 years, but they weren't happy for years. My bil has notched up 25 or so years, my db and sil, 23 this year. Friends have all been married around the 25-30 year mark, if not longer.

I should say that ,fingers crossed, all our dc seem to have very happy marriages too! They have been married between 11 and 19 years with no perceptible hitches. Long may it continue.

I think you're confusing genuine happiness with some sort of Disney movie happily ever after. Yes, that sort of marriage doesn't exist. Just because most marriages need work, fall into an occasional rut, have worries or even some bad times, doesn't mean it isn't genuinely happy. Often, the things I'm most happy with are the things I've had to work hard for, that includes my marriage.