To think having a happy and genuine marriage is rare?

[Yummymummy30s]

I personally don't know any couples who are genuinely happy.

One couple I know have both had numerous affairs, got caught and separated and got back together yet on Facebook are a big happy family. I think it happens a fair bit.

Other couples I know are unhappy but won't leave because either:
A) not bad enough
B) financially not viable
C) desire to keep the family 'together' too strong
D) think this is as good as it gets

On these boards you read about couples where one partner is abusive. There is physical and sexual abuse but also emotional and financial abuse which is even more common. Many people in these type of relationships don't even realise they are in an abusive relationship.

Then there are the couples who are happy but are unknowingly living a lie. Undiscovered mistresses, prostutute visits, flings with exes. Hidden sexuality or other secrets such as secret children, gambling addiction, drug addiction or other deception.

I am single and my main relationships have ended due to infidelity or ea.

We are told that a third of marriages end in divorce but how many of the remainder are happy marriages?

on my 4th husband,and am dh's 3rd, we are in it for the long haul have been married for 15 years and very happy, certainly on the same page.

I have a happy and genuine marriage. We have been together 26 years, married 23. The children are getting older and we have more time as a couple now and are rediscovering just how well we get on together. We love each others company, fancy each other and have supported each other through some tough shit. When I feel a bit shit, it is always DH I want to see - he is like a balm to my wounded soul.

There are a lot of unhappy relationships but I know loads of happy people. I am happily married been together 20 years. My parents happily married over 45 years. Both of their sets of parents until death both over 50 years. Both of my best friends been married over 15 years and genuinely happy. You are basing this on your experience.

We are very happy. Together for 8 years, married for 5, still very in love.

This is one of the most affirmative threads I've ever read on MN.

My DH and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary next year. We are happy. And (unless he's hiding it well, and from my MIL and SIL as well as me - cause even if they didn't tell me the way they treated him would change) there is no OW or anything of the sort. Not that it isn't hard sometimes. Marriage needs to be worked at. It helps perhaps that I was very sure of him before we got together , we'd been friends for a decade. We've stuck it out through thick and thin and I at least am very happy. I believe that he is too.

Tellingly, none of my parents friends are divorced (though there is one lady on her second marriage because she was widowed in her 30s) and there is only one divorce (or split after having children for couples who aren't married) among our friends. The expectation is that if we have problems we will work at them.

I Often think when people say oh we've been married forty eight years then pause while awaiting congratulations, so have you just been married all these years or happily married all these years

It's not very British to announce "we've been blissfully happy for eight years" lard.

We're very happy. We'd both like more sex and passion but we're tired and ds is two etc etc. So not perfect but genuine and happy. And if we didn't have ds we'd have more energy for sex but we wouldn't have ds who makes us both very happy.

I have been with DH 15 years married for 10 and I am happy I hope he feels the same way. Yes over the years we have had a few downs but we are right for each other.

Yes you get a lot of threads on here about bad relationships but that's because people need advice, if in a happy relationship you are less likely to post a thread about it.
It's like mil threads on here not everyone in real life hates there mil

No, not rare. There are lots of us with long happy marriages. You're not going to hear about it much on here though, are you?

I'm happily married to my DH that I met as a teen. We've been married nearly 24 years.

My parents were happily married until dad died last year - 45 years

My paternal grandparents were happily married for 70 years

I've just been to 3 of our friends ( couples) silver wedding celebrations over the past 2 months. No infidelities, dramas or mid life crisis.

I know plenty of marriages that didn't last the course - lots of folk who got married to play dress up and forgot they actually had to be married afterwards - and DH's parents are both happily on their second marriages eventually but I know lots of happily married folks alongside the strained/high drama ones too.

We are happily married. We've been together for 19 years and get on brilliantly 99% of the time. We bicker occasionally and I've just sent him upstairs in disgrace for taking the piss out of me watching Don't tell the bride. We're best friends and I can't imagine life without him.

I have a happy marriage, of course there are happy marriages. Quite a depressing outlook to have Op. I hope you find happiness

I really love my MIL also... shes a fab woman !! ..And my BILs and SILs (No one says that on MN either!!....)

Officiallyunofficial, what happened in the space of a year?

Personally I think marriage is a bit shit a lot of the time. But it's the price you pay for not coming home to an empty house every night! It's how I feel about travelling really - most of it is a bit shit (airports, planes, buses, dangerous places etc etc) but overall it's a life enhancing, great thing to do. Just because it's a bit shit quite often doesn't mean it's bad or not worth doing. The good bits are great!

We are happy..16 years in,,can't imagine splitting up ever.

I agree with op. I think these people who come on mumsnet to say how happy they are are the minority because you wouldn't bother posting that you are in a mediocre relationship. I don't know anyone as happy in their lt relationship irl as all these posters seems to be

Mine is a happy marriage. However, it's marriage number 2 for me so I knew going in what a bad marriage was, and what I wouldn't put up with (and also a few ways I might change my behaviour/expectations). Works so far!

I tend to find when you say you're happily married on here you tend to a) be told you're a liar/self deluded b) be told your DH is actually shagging around/hooked on porn behind your back or c) asked sarcastically if you're expecting congratulations

I have an awful marriage, 28 years now - no idea how to get out of it - I am so sad because my mum had an awful life too (much worse than mine) and she would be so disappointed to see how things had turned out for me. I didn't even realise until our first child was born 15 years ago that some people do in fact have tremendous relationships and happy marriages - my parents' life was so tragic I actually thought that's how it was for most people but now I know this is not a given.

I do know a few couples who are perfect together and who work hard to look after each other, mutual respect, two grown ups in fact. They are all talking about looking forward to retiring and travelling/moving etc with their partners but thought of retiring with my DH is shocking - I don't even like going to the local shops with him let alone going on a cruise or moving to the coast.

I'm recently separated and I have been absolutely amazed at the amount of friends that have since confided in me about their unhappy relationships. Friends that I would have previously been convinced were very happy. I do feel at the moment that a genuinely happy relationship is a rare thing. It's nice to hear all these positive stories though to redress the balance a bit

I don't mention it much either because I don't want to seem smug. We've been together since university, so 12 years (married for 6). We're best friends though and very similar.
I know a few people from school who started going out because they thought the other person was fit, but had nothing in common other than quite liking going out on Saturday nights and sharing some friends. Two of those couples divorced a year in. This tells me that some people's expectation of what a relationship should be aren't enough to sustain a long term connection. They were basically living separate lives from day one!

Happy in general yes, happy everyday ? No, but then again who is ? As long as there are more good times than bad, make one another laugh, support each other and most importantly give and receive respect then surely that's what everyone want deep down. I like to think of marriage as a muscle, it has to be worked on to keep it going.

Another happy one here, I have married my best friend, he is kind, funny, smart, considerate, obsessive about loading the dishwasher correctly and an all round great guy. I hope you find happiness with or without a partner.