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Original poster

To think having a happy and genuine marriage is rare?

171 replies

Yummymummy30s · 28/07/2016 20:05

I personally don't know any couples who are genuinely happy.

One couple I know have both had numerous affairs, got caught and separated and got back together yet on Facebook are a big happy family. I think it happens a fair bit.

Other couples I know are unhappy but won't leave because either:
A) not bad enough
B) financially not viable
C) desire to keep the family 'together' too strong
D) think this is as good as it gets

On these boards you read about couples where one partner is abusive. There is physical and sexual abuse but also emotional and financial abuse which is even more common. Many people in these type of relationships don't even realise they are in an abusive relationship.

Then there are the couples who are happy but are unknowingly living a lie. Undiscovered mistresses, prostutute visits, flings with exes. Hidden sexuality or other secrets such as secret children, gambling addiction, drug addiction or other deception.

I am single and my main relationships have ended due to infidelity or ea.

We are told that a third of marriages end in divorce but how many of the remainder are happy marriages?

OP posts:
SweetChickadee · 28/07/2016 20:44

We're very happy. Very much 2 halves of one whole. Friends used to call us the golden couple when we were young things. 21 years later we're still like that, very lucky.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 28/07/2016 20:45

married for 26 years and very happy, had a few difficult moments for various reasons but both remained faithful and committed. Saying that we do seem to be a minority, most of our friends are either never married, or on their second marriage / relationship only two couples we knew when we married are still together Shock
funnily my DM, when she was still with us, was very proud of the fact that all 3 of her children were still in their 1st marriages but looking at it many of her friends children had broken marriages so I guess she saw it as some sort of success.

Metalguru · 28/07/2016 20:48

I just can't agree. I've had terrible relationships in the past but DH and I are solid as a rock, fifteen years in.

ifes · 28/07/2016 20:48

no marriage is perfect. but that person can be perfect for you. the same way you ' know' people are genuinely not happy is the same way you don't 'know' if they are happy. you can't see or tell and happiness is subjective and a perception

OfficiallyUnofficial · 28/07/2016 20:48

I used to have a happy marriage, could have written many of the posts above. Together over 20y, no deep dark secrets, generally loved, respected and supported one another. Still had a laugh and attraction.

Now it's in the toilet and we will probably divorce, in the space of a year.

I still believe marriages can be happy as ai look at my parents, but they aren't so easy or certain as they seem.

Rrross1ges · 28/07/2016 20:50

My parents had an unhappy marriage though they put us all through the big anniversary parties . My mother is horrible and treated my father badly. My father once told me he regretted leaving his first wife. They stayed together despite at least one affair (her). He died alone because she went on holiday knowing how close to the end he was.

My in-laws adore each other. In twenty years I've known them I've never heard a cross word. They support and love one another unconditionally. I aspire to that.

ArmySal · 28/07/2016 20:51

I have a wonderful relationship, even after 15 years.

Pebbles16 · 28/07/2016 20:51

We've not been without our problems. I was co-dependent (a lot of hard work later...) He was a man child (a lot of hard work later...)
Had a conversation with friends earlier in the year about this as we'd all been together about the same amount of time (20-25 years). We blamed a lack of imagination! But realised we married our best mates and that's why it works.
Our marriage is not perfect. But it's a lot of fun and I smile every time I see him -except when he loads the dishwasher and and I want to kill him-

Muzzcub · 28/07/2016 20:53

I'm recently separated. Didn't realise how miserable we both were for a long, long time. I truly thought that it was as good as it gets, though. I thought I had made my bed and had to lay in it.

I'm learning now that I made poor choices due to low self esteem, and am very positive about the future.

I still believe in genuinely happy marriages/relationships!

DragonsEggsAreAllMine · 28/07/2016 20:53

Most of the marriages I know are happy. The ones that aren't are where the marriage should never have taken place in the first place, some settled for the first person whilst others did it for what the marriage would offer.

Muzzcub · 28/07/2016 20:54

Tellingly, my family is full of failed marriages.

WannaBe · 28/07/2016 20:54

Thing is, while any relationship can end, nobody should be living on the presumption that at some point their marriage will end or that they're living a lie. If you're happy now then you're happy. Many marriages are happy for many years and then they end, and many people stay in their marriages until death etc. My parents have been married for 46 years this year and they are genuinely happy.

And no marriage is happy all the time. Even couples who go through infidelity can come back from that and be happy again.

And people don't write about their happy marriages because it's as if people don't want to hear it. I am now divorced from eXH but back when things were better I wrote a post on here once about my lovely DH and was promptly told that writing about happy relationships on here is entirely inappropriate as there are people here going through divorce. Make of that what you will.

Charmed18 · 28/07/2016 20:55

Again, my marriage is a happy one. We do bicker at times, but that is normal when two people live together through highs and lows of life. As long as you compromise at the end of the day and aren't looking for perfection a happy, long-term marriage is quite common in the couples I know.

Pinkheart5915 · 28/07/2016 20:56

I have a happy and genuine marriage. Me and dh have been together years and we are still solid, we have a happy life and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else.

Autumnchill · 28/07/2016 20:57

I have a happy marriage. We went through a rough patch but we've worked on it and now it's like it was when we first met. Would have preferred not to have gone through all the shit last year but pleased and happy with what I've got now

YorkieDorkie · 28/07/2016 20:59

Aw that's really sad OP, I believe my marriage is wonderful Smile can the happy MNers restore your faith?

FlyHighLittleBee · 28/07/2016 20:59

I broke up with my EA exP last week. The relationships everyone is describing are exactly the opposite of ours, but they're really having an effect on me. Lovely to have something to aspire too. I'm only young so I hope I have the chance to have a marriage like so many of you Flowers

EverySongbirdSays · 28/07/2016 21:01

There is one marriage amongst my acquaintance that is what you describe. It's her first marriage his second, his first ended with him cheating and though his second is recent I'm pretty sure he's on his second affair already. All marvellous, marvellous for the cameras. I think some people aren't cut out for the commitment. A couple of years ago there was a period were a number of people I knew had relationship breakdowns and I started to lose faith that I would evr find someone and if I did whether it was worth it. I feel differently now as I do see a number of happy and fulfilling relationships around me. Or, at least, they APPEAR to be.......

mathsmum314 · 28/07/2016 21:01

I think you are right, it doesn't seem to be natural to be in one relationship your whole life. The few 'happy' couples I know are usually on at least their 2nd marriage. Don't imagine on MN your going to get opinions representative of the country.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 28/07/2016 21:02

I have a wonderful marriage after a hideous one. My DH is kind caring and thoughtful. He is the very best of men. I am a lucky woman.

NoFanJoe · 28/07/2016 21:03

Another happy and genuine marriage, been together yonks.
You can't go by the boards as reflecting the norm. Nobody posts to say they looked at their husband's mobile/email and the messages were all regular stuff as usual.

DoubleFunMum · 28/07/2016 21:04

We've only been married for 3.5 years (together for 7) but we're very, very happy. :D And it's not like we have a charmed life - so far we've been through 4 redundancies (2 each), 2 house moves, 2 premature babies, raising twins with 2 full time jobs, health issues, no money pretty much constantly. Wouldn't change it if it meant being without my hubby tho. I had a weird 'sliding doors' moment where I had to choose between him & another guy, who I'd been seeing before we met. On paper the other guy had everything going for him, better prospects etc but I have never, ever regretted my choice - it felt right then and it still does! I feel lucky but I agree with what PP have said, you don't hear the good stories on mumsnet and people don't generally, irl, go around gloating about how much they love each other.

Sparklesilverglitter · 28/07/2016 21:04

I am very happy in my marriage. We have been together 17 years and of course like we any couple we have had a couple of tough times but I would never want anybody else.
We are a good match, equal relationship,

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 28/07/2016 21:04

Together 26 years. Married for 17. Genuinely content.

NeedAnotherGlass · 28/07/2016 21:06

I don't recognise your experience.
I've been with DH for 23 years and we are genuinely very happy.
No affairs, no abuse, good sex, finances open and shared, equal share of housework and involvement with the kids.

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