To think having a happy and genuine marriage is rare?

[Yummymummy30s]

I personally don't know any couples who are genuinely happy.

One couple I know have both had numerous affairs, got caught and separated and got back together yet on Facebook are a big happy family. I think it happens a fair bit.

Other couples I know are unhappy but won't leave because either:
A) not bad enough
B) financially not viable
C) desire to keep the family 'together' too strong
D) think this is as good as it gets

On these boards you read about couples where one partner is abusive. There is physical and sexual abuse but also emotional and financial abuse which is even more common. Many people in these type of relationships don't even realise they are in an abusive relationship.

Then there are the couples who are happy but are unknowingly living a lie. Undiscovered mistresses, prostutute visits, flings with exes. Hidden sexuality or other secrets such as secret children, gambling addiction, drug addiction or other deception.

I am single and my main relationships have ended due to infidelity or ea.

We are told that a third of marriages end in divorce but how many of the remainder are happy marriages?

We're miserable about most things but I think dh have a happy and genuine marriage.

Most of my friends do too most of the time I think although we all moan.

I think that positive, happy, 'sorted' people with stable upbringings will be attracted to others similar and be more likely to have happy relationships. Unfortunately I grew up with two depressed parents and lost one of them very young, struggled through my teens and 20s, and have ended up with a slightly depressive DP in a not completely disfunctional but not earth-shattering relationship. The men I was previously drawn to were totally unreliable, I have ended up with sensible.

I agree with you OP. I don't get much support from my DH, feel like I love him more than he loves me etc, even though he does do loads for our daughter. Nobody in my nuclear family in a genuinely happy relationship. Most friends quite early on in marriages but already some cracks showing, I know things that one partner is keeping secret from another etc. Most of us appear to have it all on paper but I think if there are already issues in our thirties, I worry where we'll be in our forties and fifties. Wish it weren't so 😔

I think you're totally right.
Most of my friends are divorced if not miserable . I tell my teenage kids please don't rush into marriage.

People saying they think the OP is right... Are you not reading all the people on her saying they have a happy marriage? Or is it just that you don't believe them?

We are saying they are the minority, see my earlier message

We're happy. Not in a love's young dream way perhaps, but life is good. No affairs or even flirtations on either side; this is it for us (although in the madder moments we look forward to our old age when we have time to really do things together, rather than relentlessly chasing after 3 small children). I do, however, have the DH/dishwasher issues that others have mentioned.

Also we don't know whether the OH would agree that it was a happy relationship

No no no

Happy, sorted people only find each other as much as really fucked about people

Dh and I had really rubbish childhoods - we are together in spite of and full knowledge of that

My aunt and uncle were married 60 years and they seemed happy

I think everyone has a happy and genuine marriage...until they suddenly don't, for whatever reason.

Relationships take work sometimes, it isn't always easy.

We have a happy relationship - not married but been together 12 years - and he is my very best friend. Things are tough just now as he was recently made redundant, but we're a team, and he makes me laugh more than anyone else, ever. I genuinely don't believe anyone's relationship is 100% happy 100% of the time - little things like housework, big things like financial problems - but sometimes you have to pull together through the bad bits.

Also everyone has different definitions of a good marriage. I wouldn't be happy in some of my friends / family marriages but that doesn't mean they're not.

We're as happy as you can be with two small children that prefer not to sleep and a house that looks like a toy bomb has exploded

I've been with my husband for 36 years, married for 27 and I've certainly been very happy and I think he is too.

However he does work away a lot so there is always the possibility that he is playing away and I'm deluded.

31 year married.

Happy.

But I would murder him at 4am when he snores!

(And when he doesn't snore he breathes - noisily!)

There have been ups & downs but the ups far outweight the downs - so I am happy.

Not married, a few months ago I may have agreed with you as when I moved in with him I moved into his old family home and never felt comfortable. However since we got our own place we are getting on so much better, the new house doesn't feel haunted by his ex (she is still alive)

Nearly 18 years married and I'm very happy. DH doesn't often say, he's not the type. But when we were on a long dog walk and discussing work and careers he commented that his home life is fantastic so I assume he feels the same way!

Purple' do you get what I mean at all, like the target it getting to 48 years or whatever, rather than the target of being happy

I am genuinely very happy in my marriage, I think my DH is too and it's been over 20 years. I know quite a few couples like us. That's not to say we dont have our occasional gripes and moans but that doesn't mean we're are not happy and secure overall.

I'm very happy in my marriage, almost 30 years, he's a brilliant bloke. Most of our married friends in similar situations. So I heartily disagree with your op.

It's interesting the various views, I'm wondering whether people's perspectives are based on their own experience and that of people close to them which is a small sample.

Also, I think I read somewhere that if you have parents who are divorced you are significantly more likely to also get divorced.

My definition of a happy genuine marriage is one where both parties are together because they want to be , not because they need to be, or are scared of leaving. The genuine part is that there are no secret betrayals. I can't imagine anyone saying their marriage was happy if they found out that their partner was having an affair for years behind their back. However if the deception was never discovered ??

We're very happy. Dh is the best person I've ever met.

My mRriage was genuinely happy for 18 years but we had a major wobble this Easter due to me refusing to see DH sister. There have been many issues over the years which I was not prepared to put up with anymore. It's caused a rift it is repairing but it's been hard sometimes.

My DH and I are very happy together most of the time.

We are like chalk and cheese. I am an ultra organised, feisty, easily stressed, plan everything in advance, do it yesterday kind of person. My DH is calm, easy going and very laid back - though he isn't lazy.
However we make a very good team, we are very compatible in other areas , we are always honest with each other and we talk/share a lot.
When it has come to life decisions we have always wanted the same things re a family, house moves etc. Our differences have led to many disagreements huge arguments over the years but I love him so much and we always work things out together and try to reach a compromise.
We have supported each other in very stressful and upsetting times.
We have been married for nearly 21 years.
My DSis is in a happy, loving marriage of over 15 yrs and my DBro has been happily married for over 18 yrs. Our parents were happily married for over 50 yrs.
DH is one of 7 - only two of his other siblings are in longstanding happy marriages.

We have been married for 33 years and I reckon we have a very good marriage. We have had bad times and probably will again but I think you need some bad things to appreciate just how fantastically good the good times are.

Mr Five is an amazing man, anyone who has put up with me for over 30 years has to be pretty damn amazing in my book.