AIBU re behaviour at Funerals

[Cutecat78]

Went to funeral today - someone in their late 40s.

Firstly I think we seriously need to build some bigger Crems, the last few I have been to has had a tiny room for the service and congregation pouring out the doors and people standing in the aisles.

There were a lot of younger people there who were dressed as if about to go clubbing (dress code was black) like play suits and thigh high boots, loads of cleavage, see through dresses etc. I am not a prude by ANY means but I dunno it just seemed a bit disrespectful. There was also someone with a baby that while good cried through a song that was played and through some of the eulogy - if it had been me I would have gone outside to calm her down.

They at the bun fight we drive into the car park to some of the younger guests performing "doughnuts" in the gravel car park.

I dunno am I just being an old bastard who should lighten up a bit or what? Just made me feel a bit

YANBU. We buried my DM earlier this year. My cousins turned up in arse-skimming, bra-revealing dresses. She would have absolutely hated it. She couldn't bear posing, attention seeking and vanity which is exactly what it is.

YABU to call it a crem
What is wrong with calling it a crem?

Oh and I didn't specify colour as we had no wish to celebrate DM's death. Her sisters took it upon themselves to do it anyway. I really genuinely think you avoid respect the dead and their closest family at a funeral.

YABU to call it a crem....

Why?

jennifer I think that's exactly the point. I've seen many people make a funeral all about themselves, when they are distant relatives or friends of the deceased.

It's ok not to be certain of correct protocol, in which case confer with the family to understand their wishes.

I know of one case where an ex-gf spent hours deciding on which equally sexy dress she was going to wear to her ex bf's dads funeral so she could upstage a new gf and potentially steal back her ex bf. She looked ridiculous.

My neighbour's son died over 20 years ago, he was only 9 years old. It is the only time I have ever been to a child's funeral. His mum was beautifully dressed in black. I always remember, she said it was the last thing she would do for him and she wanted to do it right.

Oh I don't know. My youngest sister died when she was a teenager. My other sister and I decided to be 'glamorous grievers' at her funeral (yes we used that expression)- we wanted to look nice for her. Her mates were wearing what teenagers wear. My surviving sister and I got the giggles- twice- at things we knew our little sister would have laughed at. It felt like she was there with us, in that sense.
Terribly inappropriate behaviour, probably, but I know our little sister wouldn't give a stuff about convention, nor would our brother and parents didn't mind. To hell with what others may have thought.

You know what, If I was the deceased and loads of my teens friends rocked up to be there by their side at my funeral, I'ld think that was bloody brilliant and I'ld be chuffed that they had friends who would show up for them to help them through their mums funeral! I wouldn't care what they wore

& I'ld hate to think that anyone put themselves to expense in order to attend. I think the days of everyone having a sunday best/funeral outfit as standard in their wardrobe has passed.

agree about the size of crems, when i cremated dh the room was packed and people were outside standing up - sadly they didnt hear much of what was said, almost needed speakers outside

dress code - honestly could care what people wore, just the fact they turned up to show their respects was enough for me

from what you said if that was the dress code of their wedding then those who wore not traditional black, felt it was right for them/their friend etc

baby crying, generallyi would say take out just like wedding, but as baby was grandchild that means its mum or dad was at their parents funeral and obv didnt want to miss it

My mum died a few months ago and when I go to the graveyard I am surprised at some of the behaviour I witness there. Sometimes you get people who park their cars up leave their engine running with music on full blast, windows of car open for everyone to hear (the other day someone had such loud rap music full of swearing and racist language), standing around drinking alcohol, their children doing cartwheels between the graves (which are all so very very close together), just a real lack of respect. My sister says that I'm being old fashioned but I always think that graveyards are a place for reflection and remembering your loved ones. I now go to the graveyard half an hour before closing time and usually am the only person there!

couldnt care, not could

A couple of years ago I went to my DP's granddad's funeral, his sister turned up in stilletos and tiny dress with boobs hanging out, I was a bit but no one batted an eyelid, I thought maybe I was being a twat about it but this thread is reassuring me that I wasn't!

Thing is, I wouldn't say being a teen = not knowing how to dress.
I've been to several funerals where there have been teens there, and each and every one of them (at each funeral) understood it is a time to follow a dress code - sombre, respectable, all it what you want, but it's not a time for party outfits. In particular I can think of one last year, where all the grandchildren of the deceased were in the 17 - 26 bracket, all normakky wear the bum skimming dresses or ripped jeans when going out, but they all managed to find themselves something my Welsh cousins would call "tidy" to wear, without having to go out shopping. I find it hard to believe that anybody only has clothes suitable for a nightclub in their wardrobe, and, to be frank, if that really is the case then a quick trip to most local supermarkets would get you a pair of black trousers for not many ££.

It's about respect. It's about understanding it's not about you. Most teens / young adults I know seem to understand that.

*call
*normally

It could have been worse, OP...