AIBU re behaviour at Funerals

[Cutecat78]

Went to funeral today - someone in their late 40s.

Firstly I think we seriously need to build some bigger Crems, the last few I have been to has had a tiny room for the service and congregation pouring out the doors and people standing in the aisles.

There were a lot of younger people there who were dressed as if about to go clubbing (dress code was black) like play suits and thigh high boots, loads of cleavage, see through dresses etc. I am not a prude by ANY means but I dunno it just seemed a bit disrespectful. There was also someone with a baby that while good cried through a song that was played and through some of the eulogy - if it had been me I would have gone outside to calm her down.

They at the bun fight we drive into the car park to some of the younger guests performing "doughnuts" in the gravel car park.

I dunno am I just being an old bastard who should lighten up a bit or what? Just made me feel a bit

Yes she was a wonderful person who has been taken way too soon.

I have never seen that many people at a funeral - which speaks volumes about the person she was.

I don't think a little respect is snobbery.

A funeral is not the place to bare an excess of flesh IMO.

A funeral is a place to pay your respects, say your goodbyes. What you wear is irrelevant and people who comment on others' attire really need to keep things in perspective IMO

I'm with you on the size of the rooms - there seems to be no happy medium. Either the room is embarrassingly large for the number of mourners or way too small and people can't fit in. It seems bad and wrong somehow to be critiquing crematoria, but this stuff can matter.

I had a similar experience today. Find it surprising rather than annoying, I guess.

I took DD2 to my DGMs crematorium funeral at 7 months. She cried at times and I did my best to settle her (BF-ing, carefully chosen outfit on my part to enable that!) but I absolutely would not have left, nor would my DF have wanted me to. DH wasn't with me, we judged it inappropriate to take DD1 and whilst she was at nursery all day, he needed to stay local to be able to drop off/pick up.

That said, had the deceased been anyone other than a close family member, I would have taken DD2 outside if I was unable to settle her.

The wedding of the deceased was interesting.

I would very much like you to expand on this, OP!

The last funeral I went to had a "bright colours" dress code. It was only when getting ready that I truly realised how many black, navy blue and dusky pink clothes I possess!

Lets just say the attire was similar as today.

If its the way its done in their circle how can it be seen as disrespectful?

Wedding attire and funeral attire are slightly different - and I just assumed from the "black dress code" request (which all the family adhered to) that they wanted traditional funeral attire.

What was your relationship to the dead person OP?

OP I attend many funerals due to my job and, sadly, the only mourners are me and the funeral director. The way society mourns changes.
These 'street walkers' took time out of their day to pay their respects. Stop being so judgmental and accept that others mourn differently to you.

Streetwalkers? Chavvy?

We also live in a society where its increasingly unacceptable to have an opinion.

Where is the line drawn?

Beachwear? Onsies?

All the family were smart and suited and booted.

I think a more distressing problem is when the crem is so busy you are waiting to go in and see the last group come out (late) while the next group are lingering around waiting when you come out. So you feel on a conveyor belt. I think that creates a disrespectful atmosphere somehow, although I know they are very busy.

I went to a funeral recently where the woman had died of cancer and people were smoking as the hearse pulled in. Morons, morons everywhere!

Yes the next people were waiting today even though we had a"double slot".

And everyone piled outside and started smoking and it was cancer - but then we go and get pissed too so ...,

There are people that have no need for a certain type of formal clothes in their everyday lives though. And they may have not previously been to funerals or similar occasions so would not know what was appropriate.

DBiL took a school trip abroad a couple of years ago. The kids were briefed that they would be going to be attending a formal church event during the trip and to bring their smart/best outfit. Lots of them wore their best new trainers and sportswear.

That's true with the getting pissed, at least that doesn't happen as the hearse pulls in!

Tbh the lack of "formal wear" in other areas makes me sad.

But then I spent many event feeling totally over dressed as a kid.

My dad used to take me to the theatre wearing a DJ and wore bow ties to parents eve

I think the fact they turned up at the funeral is much more important than what they were wearing. It could be that as young people on a budget they don't own the sort of sombre, somewhat dowdy clothes that older people wear to funerals. For them dressing up in what they think is their smartest outfit shows that they consider the funeral important.

For me it was a sure sign that I was 'properly' old grown up when I realised I was attending enough funerals to necessitate buying a decent dark dress and coat. Sadly they have seen a lot of wear since then.

The doughnut thing sounds shocking.

I agree turning up is much more important.

I guess I feel sad sometimes that "dress codes" seem to be disappearing.

Parents wearing PJs on the school run etc.

I guess I LOVE a dress code hence I asked.

Maybe that stems from my parents making me over dress.

At my Mil's funeral I was touched to see one of dh's former colleagues there. Less touched when she spent the coffee and sandwiches time clearly networking the room, handing out her business card to everyone and telling them about her new business.

saffron that's terrible