AIBU re behaviour at Funerals

[Cutecat78]

Went to funeral today - someone in their late 40s.

Firstly I think we seriously need to build some bigger Crems, the last few I have been to has had a tiny room for the service and congregation pouring out the doors and people standing in the aisles.

There were a lot of younger people there who were dressed as if about to go clubbing (dress code was black) like play suits and thigh high boots, loads of cleavage, see through dresses etc. I am not a prude by ANY means but I dunno it just seemed a bit disrespectful. There was also someone with a baby that while good cried through a song that was played and through some of the eulogy - if it had been me I would have gone outside to calm her down.

They at the bun fight we drive into the car park to some of the younger guests performing "doughnuts" in the gravel car park.

I dunno am I just being an old bastard who should lighten up a bit or what? Just made me feel a bit

salmotrutra

I wondered the same...

Probably have to nc after this.
At my DMs funeral a poor lady had an angina attack while DF was saying his bit. Sounded like she was snoring, obviously not but only those beside her/who knew her would know this.
A baby having a gringe would have been fine, as was she.

I was at a funeral a couple of weeks back.

I didn't see and mini skirts or thigh boots.

I did see some guys with lots of earrings and some tattoos though.

Everyone was conservatively dressed which, if I'm perfectly honest, is what I find appropriate. But then folks round these parts would tut and speak about you if you turned up dressed in mini skirts and thigh boots at a funeral. Then proceeded to do handbrake turns in your car.

I wasn't invited to the funeral mind.

I just went.

As is normal here (Scotland)

how someone can be Scottish from an Irish catholic family

I came to the UK (London) as an adult so hopefully can be excused some ignorance. I once met a woman with what I thought was a really beautiful Irish accent.

She was born and brought up in Scotland.

She did agree her accent was Irish, and said that it was a common accent in her part of Scotland. (Her heritage was Irish.)

but I don't get the posts saying you leave DC with other people. Sometimes it isn't an option

Exactly. Who should I have left the baby with? My DH, who in addition to wrangling the toddler also wanted to be at the funeral, oddly enough. We didn't even live in the country the funeral was held, so what would the "no crying allowed" crowd have had me do?

Step outside with the crying child

I took my 8mth old to my DGMs funeral.

I was flying in from overseas and BF so really no choice. When she cried I took her out and will forever be grateful to the vicar who retrieved me saying "you GM would have wanted you both here more than anything, please come inside". I wish is ignore the tutting from the off

They can

It sounds like there were a lot of people there who didn't need to be - they weren't that close to the deceased and frankly weren't that upset, hence their disrespectful behaviour. The odd clothing is a result of them being slightly chavvy and is probably what they consider smart.

It sounds like there were a lot of people there who didn't need to be - they weren't that close to the deceased and frankly weren't that upset, hence their disrespectful behaviour. The odd clothing is a result of them being slightly chavvy and is probably what they consider smart

Wow, how tight are your judgy pants? Cutting off circulation to your brain tight?

Bitemyshinymetalass
I was thinking of the OPs following post
There were teenage children who had a lot of friends I think and the town to be fair is slightly chavvy.

OP said they were chavvy and implied there were friends of friends at the funeral in addition to direct friends and family of the deceased.
I don't think it's judgemental to suggest that people from different social backgrounds will have different perceptions of formal wear.

Sounds like a gypsy affair!

We do live in area with high population of travellers but this wasn't a traveller family.

I don't think it's judgemental to suggest that people from different social backgrounds will have different perceptions of formal wear

It's judgemental to call them chavvy, its judgemental to say they aren't upset at a funeral, its judgemental to say they weren't close to the deceased, its judgemental to say their clothes indicate a lack of respect: you don't know any of that, and it makes you look more than a little silly to pretend you do.

bitemyshinymetalass, actually, since the baby was the grandchild of the deceased, I would say it was fine, but outside principal mourners, crying babies should be taken out.

sorry for de-rail but:-

Theoretician - do you know whereabouts in Scotland this person with the Irish-sounding accent was from?

I can't think of any area where that might be - although admittedly I haven't travelled to every last place in Scotland. But I am Scottish and have travelled around my country a fair bit.

Quite a few people do seem to confuse Highland accents with Irish accents - although to me they sound totally different!

IMO, there should not be a crying baby in a funeral service.

Oh I don't know, I've taken my crying children to a fair few funerals.

I think if you are English some Scottish accents do sound like Irish. (I'm not saying that it's through anything other than ignorance though).

I'm Scottish and I get asked all the time by English people if I'm Irish, it does seem to be a thing.

My father always hated black, particularly on my mother, so none of the family wore it at his funeral. In fact my mother wore a bright, flowery dress he'd always liked. It didn't mean she wasn't devastated after over 45 years of a happy marriage.
Crying babies or screaming toddlers should always be taken out of any such service, IMO, whether wedding or funeral. Otherwise small children are fine. I took my dd of about 18 months out of the church during my granny's funeral - she wasn't crying or screaming, but was running up and down the aisle and at one point bashed into the stand the coffin was on! But afterwards the lovely vicar said I needn't have taken her out, and it was true, since my granny would have been the first to laugh.

Went to a funeral this afternoon: the widow (in her late 40s) wore navy with tiny white dots and a white collar - I thought it was a good alternative to black, although many of the 15-30 age group went for traditional black. The closer people were to the deceased, the smarter their clothes were, which seems reasonable to me.
However, regarding disrespectful behaviour: there are roadworks around the town centre church and scaffolding around the church itself so access is somewhat restricted, and there is no pavement - just a paved area where pedestrians have automatic right of way. As the coffin started to emerge from the church some tourist twat was revving his engine and trying to force his way through the crowd of mourners. I thought a couple of the chaps nearest him were going to punch him through his open window: we could hear words being exchanged. Clearly we no longer live in a society where strangers doff their hats as a funeral cortege passes.

10 mo dd came to my grandmother's funeral. I was doing a reading so couldn't just get up & leave & really wanted so there for moral support. As it happened she didn't cry but she did make a bit of noise so he took her to the back of the abbey but wanted to stay himself...afterwards my grandfather said how pleased it had made him to hear her during the service & he was right when he said it would have made my grandmother happy too. It was the right thing for my family & quite frankly we were the only important ones that day so sod what anyone else thought.

Gah.

Really wanted H there for moral support.

YABU to call it a crem..... Yanbu in everything else. I lost my dad aged 24- had 1 year old daughter. My best friend watched her through the funeral and missed the eulogy as she took her outside to calm her. Babies should be there, dress code... Dependant on what the deceased and their family wanted. Funerals are a funny thing and somethings people behave strangely to deal with grief