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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby left in car

329 replies

MooPointCowsOpinion · 28/07/2016 12:19

On my way back to our car, My husband noticed a baby in the car parked next to ours. Alone, two front windows were slightly open, he looked about 12 months. We fretted a bit, stayed sat next to him waiting for 10 minutes and no-one came. So I called the police on 101, and they immediately put me through to 999.

The woman arrived back at her car a minute before the police did. I told her I'd called the police, and she couldn't leave her baby like that. She cried and said she was having a shit day and needed to get the item she' bought (big and bulky box, maybe a buggy?) to the car. I hugged her, cried with her, and said I understood but she still can't do that, and then directed the police to her and left.

Was I being a busy body? AIBU to think it's illegal to do that?

OP posts:
Dontyoulovecalpol · 30/07/2016 09:33

That's not necessarily a factor to judge by though billionaire. It's no surprise the police treated it as an emergency and attended immediately- they had no idea how long the child had been left for and no idea if it was in need of medical attention etc. They had no knowledge of the situation.

It's not the same as a parent who has the knowledge that they are only going for 5 minutes and it's significantly advantageous to do so vs taking the baby.

JackLottiesMum · 30/07/2016 09:38

Car temperatures are much hotter than outside temperatures and since babies can't regulate their heat properly they can die quite quickly and there are loads of cases of this happening if you google it. I also think you may find it is illegal to leave a baby like that. You absolutely did the right thing.

Dontyoulovecalpol · 30/07/2016 09:40

Jack if you read the tread there has only been one very old case found in the UK, so loads of babies don't / won't die here

Brandonstarkflakes · 30/07/2016 09:59

I honestly can't believe that some people get their kids out of the car to go and pay for petrol.

I sometimes leave DD in the car outside my house if she is asleep, with windows open and go and check on her every few minutes. I also used to leave her for a few minutes in the nursery car park if she was asleep whilst i went in and collected DS?

tigercub50 · 30/07/2016 11:05

I booked my DD into a kids club at our local leisure centre, which is very reasonably priced & sounds good. However, quite shocked to hear that the packed lunch offered is a sandwich, crisps & a chocolate bar. If they are supposed to be promoting health, you would think there would be some fruit or at least a yogurt

tigercub50 · 30/07/2016 11:06

Sorry meant this to be on a new thread lol

TiredConfusedMumma · 30/07/2016 11:51

FreedomIsInPeril are you serious??? She made her day shittier?? It's pretty bloody simple. You don't leave babies in cars. Ever. For any reason. Especially to go any buy something as unnecessary as that....
Don't try & make this OP feel bad for doing something that 99% of mums and the general population would have done and 100% of people SHOULD have done.

newshiny · 30/07/2016 18:52

In Israel, there's a case of a baby being left in a car and overeating with reasonable frequency. It usually makes the news when it ends in tragedy. You totally did the right thing, calling the police.

Oakmaiden · 30/07/2016 20:21

In Israel? And this is relevant, how?

Daisygarden · 30/07/2016 22:28

In some cases, people who leave kids in cars could be risk-takers/neglectful in other ways too. It's like the police pick up people not wearing their seatbelts, and whilst they're there, they check the car for insurance, tax, links to criminal activity, check the driver for past offences... not following the rules sometimes goes hand in hand with not following other rules.

Again. WHAT IF the mother hadn't come back after 10 minutes? What if she had intended to leave the child for an hour? What if she'd forgotten the child? What if she had had an accident and wasn't going to be back to collect the child or car any time soon? NONE of these posters defending the mum's actions could know this wasn't the case. Neither could OP. That is why she did the right thing.

If nobody called the police, that child could have (potentially for all anyone knew at the time) been left there for hours and hours.

YouAreMyRain · 30/07/2016 22:37

Was it sunny? What was the temperature?

Blu · 30/07/2016 22:40

Even if the temperature is cool - who leaves their baby unattended in a public place for 15 mins and more??

Flashbangandgone · 30/07/2016 23:11

i wouldn't have waited ten minutes, leaving child in car is dangerous from heat perspective, but also from an abduction pov. Plus it isn't easy to smash a car window

Surely a bit of common sense would apply before smashing a window. If it was a sweltering sunny day and the windows weren't open, then yes.... If it was quite warm but cloudy and the car had windows open then no.

Flashbangandgone · 30/07/2016 23:17

You don't leave babies in cars. Ever. For any reason.

Not this again... Well, I did when I paid for petrol (out of the sun and not on a hot day) because I judged that to be safer than traipsing across the forecourt with them. I don't believe I'm a bad parent for doing so, and I don't much like that you are insinuating that I am.

FRoyal · 31/07/2016 00:02

Strap your baby to you in a sling!!! I have a 6month old and a 2 year old and like many of you, you just have to cope with either not doing nothing that shopping trip...order online or just do without. No point in putting on the water works when you get caught. No sympathy here.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 31/07/2016 00:21

Jack if you read the tread there has only been one very old case found in the UK, so loads of babies don't / won't die here

Yes and the sick fuck did it on purpose. He researched it and researched other ways to kill children and how much time inside he'd get 'inside' for various things.

Then he picked a hot day and left the child in the car for HOURS. 6 hours if my memory serves me right. He set out to kill the child. He didn't pop into a shop for 10 mins to collect a parcel.

So, one deliberate murder later and we still have no accidental deaths in the UK from a child being left in the car & over heating.

Billionnairewannabe · 31/07/2016 07:40

"t's not the same as a parent who has the knowledge that they are only going for 5 minutes and it's significantly advantageous to do so vs taking the baby."

No parent "has the knowledge that they are only going for 5 minutes". Delays in picking up parcel, queues in shop, illness, Getting run over by a bus are all factors which create the risk. Whether the risk is high or low, there is still an element of risk. And the stakes of losing a baby because of it are too high.

Brandonstarkflakes · 31/07/2016 09:48

No parent "has the knowledge that they are only going for 5 minutes". Delays in picking up parcel, queues in shop, illness, Getting run over by a bus are all factors which create the risk. Whether the risk is high or low, there is still an element of risk. And the stakes of losing a baby because of it are too high.

Well, you have rather contradicted yourself about 'risk' there haven't you? If the parent did get run over by a bus and they had decided to take the child with them, then actually it would been much better for the baby to have been left in the car where they wouldn't have got run over by a bus!!!

On an average day in the UK a child isnt going to come to any harm being left in a car for a few minutes.

JassyRadlett · 31/07/2016 10:11

Well, you have rather contradicted yourself about 'risk' there haven't you? If the parent did get run over by a bus and they had decided to take the child with them, then actually it would been much better for the baby to have been left in the car where they wouldn't have got run over by a bus!!!

Except the parent might not have taken the risk of rushing through moving traffic if they hadn't felt the need to return to baby-in-car as quickly as possible, and therefore taking the baby might have prevented the accident.

We could play this game for hours. Grin

Brandonstarkflakes · 31/07/2016 10:21
Grin
LellyMcKelly · 31/07/2016 14:34

Of course you did the right thing. Who in their right mind leaves a baby in a car? Apart from the heat, they could be abducted. So what if her day was shitty. It could have been a whole lot shittier.

Canyouforgiveher · 31/07/2016 15:21

So, one deliberate murder later and we still have no accidental deaths in the UK from a child being left in the car & over heating.

Great. So if you happen to pass a car on a warm summer day and spot a baby in the back unattended, you'll happily go on your way, won't wait by the car, won't call anyone because you know for a fact that babies don't overheat in cars in the UK, despite it happening elsewhere. And you won't even wonder for a moment "is that baby ok? what if the father or mother forgot him".

Is that what you'd do - because no baby has died in a car in the UK? A triumph of belief in statistics over normal common sense.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 31/07/2016 15:39

canyouforgiveher

I've already said what I'd do.

My point is that all of the handwringing over babies dying in cars due to heat in the UK is OTT.

Parents raise kids to adulthood in the UK quite well without the state or general publics interference. This mother assessed it to be safe. It was safe. Total non event until other people interfered.

As I said earlier, I'd have waited to see if someone returned to the car, but that would have been my decision, I would not have felt 'put upon' by the mother at all. I'd have seen the mother come back to the car, realised there was absolutely nothing wrong with her risk assessment and got on with my day.

ayeokthen · 31/07/2016 16:05

Maybe no babies have died in hot cars because people like op do something about it? (Yes I am playing Devil's Advocate). I think it's all relative personally, there is a massive difference between somebody popping to pay for fuel in full view of the car, and somebody doing a weekly shop leaving babies in a car.

Canyouforgiveher · 31/07/2016 19:03

As I said earlier, I'd have waited to see if someone returned to the car, but that would have been my decision, I would not have felt 'put upon' by the mother at all.

Yes. and so would nearly every other poster on here. They see the baby, they don't know how long it has been left in the car, they wait by the car. Why? Because they are concerned that the child has been forgotten/will be left too long which will result in discomfort and possible heat stroke. If you stopped by the car is would be because you recognise the risk involved in a baby being left unattended in a car on a warm day. You would not reassure yourself with the statistics on deaths in the UK. You would see the risk and respond accordingly.

And surely any decision which involves complete strangers being highly likely to stop what they are doing and wait by your car is not a particularly good decision?