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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby left in car

329 replies

MooPointCowsOpinion · 28/07/2016 12:19

On my way back to our car, My husband noticed a baby in the car parked next to ours. Alone, two front windows were slightly open, he looked about 12 months. We fretted a bit, stayed sat next to him waiting for 10 minutes and no-one came. So I called the police on 101, and they immediately put me through to 999.

The woman arrived back at her car a minute before the police did. I told her I'd called the police, and she couldn't leave her baby like that. She cried and said she was having a shit day and needed to get the item she' bought (big and bulky box, maybe a buggy?) to the car. I hugged her, cried with her, and said I understood but she still can't do that, and then directed the police to her and left.

Was I being a busy body? AIBU to think it's illegal to do that?

OP posts:
SeaEagleFeather · 28/07/2016 19:35

The OP made a judgement call and responded to the woman with compassion. The woman sounds as if she was really struggling but this is one thing that she will prioritize higher next time, Im sure.

Some of the judgypants here are pretty awful.

AnaisWatterson · 28/07/2016 19:37

It hasn't happened in the U.K. As people like the op do the right thing and call the police / track the parent down.
If we all thought "fuck it, we are OK in the uk" it would happen.

elflinwebb · 28/07/2016 19:43

Personally I think you did the right thing! Anything could have happened! Plus The baby wouldn't understand why they were left alone etc..
I have 4 children and not once have I left them alone! I even try to use the self-service petrol pumps as to not leave them alone! Defiantly wouldn't leave a 12 mth old!! Poor little thing if nothing else would be scared?
there's no way any of mine would of let me leave them alone at that age let alone now !! Well done you xx

FreedomIsInPeril · 28/07/2016 19:45

It hasn't happened in the U.K. As people like the op do the right thing and call the police / track the parent down. If we all thought "fuck it, we are OK in the uk" it would happen

Wow, so its that americans love seeing babies in hot cars and do nothing, thats why? Definitely nothing to do with the weather, maybe?

Brooksy73 · 28/07/2016 19:49

You so did the right thing. You waited a reasonable amount of time incase she was returning her trolley and you had just missed her. Imagine if something had happened to her whilst she was gone and nobody knew the poor baby was in the car!

dizzyfucker · 28/07/2016 20:05

I live in a small town that has never had a house fire, not a single one since 1855 when the town was founded.
The kind of -il-logic on this thread is that people should be more worried about traffic accidents than house fires, so why bother with smoke alarms and a fire engine in my town? House fires and house fire deaths happen to other people in other countries so puting in smoke alarms and having a fire service is just OTT-cotton wool-silliness.

Personally I cannot comprehend that type of illogical thought pattern.

bangalanguk · 28/07/2016 20:09

Babies and toddlers should never be left alone like this. If the Government is thinking of making it illegal to leave a dog in car then this is definitely the case for children. You did the right thing, babies can quickly become overheated and cannot regulate their temperature as well as adults can. Doesn't matter how bad a day she was having, this may have been potentially catastrophic.

timefliesby · 28/07/2016 20:39

Was it ten minutes though? Timing is everything here. If she just went into a shop to collect a big parcel and came straight back out would be acceptable I think. I can see how she might think that doing that also cradling a wriggly 12 month old baby could be tricky. I also think we have to be careful not to turn into a nanny state. My mum has often told me that it was normal to park babies in their buggy outside the supermarket in the 70s and fetch your groceries. The community would look out for them. I think we have to get out of the mindset there are strangers on every corner waiting to abduct small children. In addition, the OP has already said she left the windows slightly ajar and presumably therefore had made some assessment of how hot a day it was before leaving the baby. If it was ten minutes sounds a bit long for a 12 month old though. The incident that springs to mind is the baby that wriggled out of straps and burnt themselves on the cigarette lighter...

Daisygarden · 28/07/2016 20:55

time but like everything else, a grey area leads to abuse of the rules. I don't think leaving babies/children in a car is a good habit.

If the mum had been super quick she'd have been back before the police arrived.

The opposite of a nanny state is one where nobody gives a toss about someone's baby alone in a car because their parent might only have popped in a shop, and anyway, the '"community" at large is looking out for the baby, isn't it. So that's ok then.

How does that help the child? It might help the parent not have to juggle shopping and a baby. Is it best for the child though?

Sadly the days of the "community" you describe are not really applicable any more, unless in very small villages where literally everyone knows everybody. Back in the 70's parents also frequently put brandy or whisky in a baby's bottle to help them sleep at night...

FreedomIsInPeril · 28/07/2016 21:10

Personally I cannot comprehend that type of illogical thought pattern

The only illogical thought pattern is yours, because no-one said anything about statistics only counting if they happen in your town. Nice try, but nil points.

Robstersgirl · 28/07/2016 21:22

Of course you don't the right thing. This is why shops have baby trollies. Social services will become involved now and will make decisions about safeguarding.

itstimeforchange · 28/07/2016 21:31

FWIW I think you did totally the right thing - well done.

Around here (a rural town with one fairly small central supermarket, which we live next to) I always see kids left alone in cars. But they're 8, 10, 12... that is ok in my book, in a small-ish place, when they're all older than, say, 6, and (more importantly) there are several children left together. But even this, I've never been totally comfortable with! I can't say if I'd do it myself as all mine are little and I never leave them alone. However, I remember being left like this as a kid and always knew what to do if anything happened, so it never worried me. And I'm one of the oldest, which probably helped too.

Having said I never leave them alone, I remember once or twice returning from a trip leaving one or more of them asleep in the car for a while. This was after a few day trips (it was probably last summer? Wasn't hot though!) and I MADE myself leave them, after previously sitting with them for up to an hour until they woke, and feeling silly about my over-protectiveness... But then leaving them in the car would be lurking over my conscience the whole time I was in the house, I would check on them very regularly, and in the end just go and get them. Blush

To completely forget about a child... astounding. Possible, of course. But absolutely astounding.

Gottagetmoving · 28/07/2016 22:09

In addition, the OP has already said she left the windows slightly ajar and presumably therefore had made some assessment of how hot a day it was before leaving the baby

Apparently,..leaving the Windows slightly open makes very little difference. They would have to be left well down.

dizzyfucker · 28/07/2016 22:13

FreedomIsInPeril you're missing the point. Something that prevents deaths in one place should be implemented in other places, they are not ridiculous over the top nonsense just because it hasn't happened in those places. By your logic this very real danger that kills children every year is not relevant in the UK because it's not hot enough and it's never happened. Fact is, at the moment it is hot enough, secondly just because something hasn't happened doesn't make it safe. Just because it's less of a risk than a traffic accident doesn't make it a void risk. House fires are less dangerous than babies in hot cars where I live. But people would sound like complete idiots if they said "house fires kill people in the UK but not here so we shouldn't implement the same level of risk assessment and prevention that they do".
Or do you think they are being silly and they should get rid of the fire engine because statistically it will not be used? Because that is exactly the logic you are using in this case.

Methenyouplus4 · 28/07/2016 22:24

In your situation, I would do the same. I have x3 under 3 and judge on circumstances. I leave them when running into local quiet shop to buy (for example ) milk and bread (I can see them parked outside). It's quiet rural area- there is never more than one person in front of me so I might be max.

Once when I knew I'd be longer but it was urgent (to sign for item I ordered online), I actually rang shop, explained situation and they kindly had an assistant bring it outside for me! I'm not mega lazy- I had newborn twins and 17month old and it was a part I needed to be able to use push chair (obviously couldn't get all three into shop without a double buggy on my own).

FreedomIsInPeril · 28/07/2016 22:37

Something that prevents deaths in one place should be implemented in other places, they are not ridiculous over the top nonsense just because it hasn't happened in those places

No, you're missing the point. Something that causes deaths in one place that isn't the same in another place means that there is a reason that it has happened in the latter places. Your logic is like telling people in the desert to be ready for avalanches and snow.

dizzyfucker · 28/07/2016 23:22

No my logic does not account for impossible scenarios. My logic is exactly the same as my house fire scenario. Just because it doesn't happen in one place doesn't mean people should stop using common sense and risk prevention in those places.

It was over 21 degrees in London today. According to U.S. research a car in 70 degrees F (22 C approximately) will heat up to 100 degrees F in 10 minutes. That's nearly 40 degrees C. You would leave a baby in 40 degrees? When British temperatures go over 15 degrees the dangers are the same as any hot country. Babies have died in the USA when it was in the low 70's which is the normal British summer.

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 28/07/2016 23:30

Honestly, in your shoes, I would have sent my DH back into the store to get a tannoy put out for the mother, and given her 5 minutes before phoning the police.

Laquila · 28/07/2016 23:42

WelshWabbit I read that Washington Post article a few years ago, whilst pregnant, and I don't think I've ever been affected quite so much by a piece of journalism. I think of it all the time (now having two small children and using the car a lot).

Daisygarden · 28/07/2016 23:50

Billy "Honestly, in your shoes, I would have sent my DH back into the store to get a tannoy put out for the mother, and given her 5 minutes before phoning the police." Why? (genuine question).

Daisygarden · 28/07/2016 23:51

Freedom If it's so free from risk, why do the police take it so seriously, in your opinion?

Rozmac1 · 28/07/2016 23:52

You did the right thing !!!!!!..... you said she came back with a buggy in a box. If she'd carried the baby into the store and asked a mamber of staff for help I'm sure they would have done. There have been plenty of times I've gone into store with a child in my arms or in tow, I've ask for help and received it.

xholsx · 29/07/2016 00:30

This link says there has been no cases in the uk www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-28214266 which I'm shocked about really. But we very rarely get hot weather 😂 So when we do out come the paddling pools and in go the kids and babies get stripped down to there nappies

Lilacpink40 · 29/07/2016 00:33

I would have done the same thing in the same way. Normal human response!

Italiangreyhound · 29/07/2016 05:09

xholsx as I said before... It was quite a long time ago but it did happen in the UK...

www.independent.co.uk/news/baby-left-in-car-dies-of-sunstroke-1103139.html

And only a short whole ago a mum left her baby in a car on what was perhaps one of the hottest days of the year. The baby is fine but it might not have been the case if police had not intervened.

www.thesun.co.uk/news/1469709/mum-goes-shopping-in-next-while-leaving-child-in-car-on-the-hottest-day-of-the-year/

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