parents of the 70s and 80s were way angrier - DYA?

[JackandDiane]

Was talking to mates about long holiday car journeys and we all remembered blazing rows ( normally near Rouen) as par for the course - and we remembered them in a funny way, although I am sure they probably weren't

We just don't have huge bust ups like our parents did now adays - are parents more tactful and discreet, or do we all simmer or text our pals angrily? Why dont't parents ROW any more?

I think all parents are different. Yours rowed. Mine never once did in front of us.

normally related to map reading by my mother tbh

I don't know but I'm just posting to reassure you OP. You are still utterly marvellous.

Mine didn't but my inlaws did so not sure.. I do think we're more child centric in general nowadays and probably more aware of how rowing can affect kids. But I do know of people who still do it!

hmm... not sure I quite agree.

I think there's more stress involved in family life now, e.g. arguments about screen time, parents having less authority. Also maybe children more left to 'get on with it' then too (for good or bad).

But also depends on the family and the characters in it!

we found a diary of a holiday where my sister documented the rows of the french family opposite

I think it was more acceptable to row though, if you were a rowy type.

Now you have to button it and tidy up in a huffy noisy way

Totally disagree. My parents didn't argue much, very rarely. Now life is much more stressful, people snap more.

I think it varies. I think DH and I row a lot more than my parents did. He thinks we're sainted compared to his (but his fight a lot).

I think shouting and aggression is tolerated less. We also had screaming rows in the car. I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF I TURN FUCKING LEFT OR FUCKING RIGHT springs to mind.

thank you - thats exactly what I meant
I mean if your parents didnt row ANYWAY then that is not relevant
If they did bicker - did they REALLY SHOUT

My parents didn't have blazing rows. They just got grumpy with each other. No shouting.

ExH and I, however...

My parents definitely did. Still do with their new respective spouses. (Shockingly, they're divorced)

I also remember parents shouting at their kids all the time. Even the "nice" parents. I always figured we'd really fucked up if the nice ones were shouting.

I'm also a shouter, and I feel very out of place amongst the calm and gentle.

Off to see my counselor now...

My parents never rowed. Not did DHs. (Though they divorced when he was 3!)
DH and I never even have strong words, let alone row.
I would be lying if I said I had never shouted at my daydreamy, head in the clouds or nose in a book children though.

Your DH rows though, doesn't he?

My parents rowed a lot, but seem to have given it up when they were older. Either that, or my Dad learned to just do as he was told .

They were quite young and didn't have much money. I think there was a lot more stress in being able to afford things like cars which always went rusty and did not last as long as these days, holidays, household appliances on hire purchase, clothes and food. Now it is all childcare, phone contracts, dual fuel bills, television and broadband costs that go out each month but are impossible to live without.

I like a row. Couples who don't ever row.....well they're a bit odd.

but whether you row or not is irrelevant

was it more acceptable then to SHOUT at each other and not be seen to be half way to the divorce courts?

If my kids heard me shouting like my parents used to rant ( tbh they sitll bicker endlessly) they would be like

My parents definitely bickered and argued a great deal. Unfortunately my DM is an irritable type and four DC were more than she easily coped with. I can only remember her cross as a child.

Oddly, I know they did loads of brilliant stuff with us: Wild camping,mswimming, beach holidays etc yet I can't remember it being filled with laughter. Also my db's bullied me a lot and nowadays that wouldn't be tolerated.

I still do have fond memories despite all that.

Car journeys used to be hot, uncomfortable, no iPads and maps.

Nowadays mostly they are comfortable, air-con sat-navved with iPads and stuff going on. Much much nicer.

I've had 1 row with DH in 15 years and that was more me ranting like a loon while he stood on helpless. Can remember my parents having horrendous bust ups. I was accidentally showered in food during one. Not a nice feeling, remember feeling very vulnerable and guilty like it was my fault.

I think for my parents, the divorce courts would have been far more socially unacceptable than rowing.

It was def more acceptable to shout and roar back then. I'm from a shouty family and there were some humdingers. Also teachers used to shout all the time! My choir teacher threw a cup of coffee over us as we were out of tune. It didn't help.

My parents yelled at us but never one another.
Perhaps it's because we didn't have a car? Not cooped up in a tiny space together?

I don't know any adults from my (70s) childhood that yelled or screamed at one another.

Also back then it was frowned upon to get involved in a domestic fracas. If you heard your neighbour's going for it it would be seen as inappropriate to knock and check. I hope thing are changing. And maybe that's why couples stay calmer because people are more likely to check up on them. I find it really sad that it was ever inappropriate to knock on a door if you're concerned hearing shouting/screaming.

This is interesting - I wondered if I grew up with a different attitude towards shouting because my parents are Irish. Maybe it's just that times change.

My ex thinks that any sort of anger - children present or not - is utterly unacceptable. He has pushed me around and told me to kill myself but thinks that everything he does is justifiable because I shout sometimes. Not swearing - not saying abusive things - just being angry about being let down multiple times