parents of the 70s and 80s were way angrier - DYA?

[JackandDiane]

Was talking to mates about long holiday car journeys and we all remembered blazing rows ( normally near Rouen) as par for the course - and we remembered them in a funny way, although I am sure they probably weren't

We just don't have huge bust ups like our parents did now adays - are parents more tactful and discreet, or do we all simmer or text our pals angrily? Why dont't parents ROW any more?

I reckon my mums excellent map reading skills saved her from the divorce courts.
They never argued in the car.

Dad was a divorce lawyer, which was probably the other deterrent!

You think that 2016 is any better? Brexit, Boris, Trump, racism, terrorism, mass shootings, austerity....the 70's were halcyon days in comparison.

Is this some sort of joke?

Yes, those halcyon 1970s days of a three day week, rubbish piling up in the street, the dead going unburied, constant power cuts, 10 percent of British households with no indoor loo or bath with a 33 percent with no washing machine, standpipe summers, constant strikes, the PFLP hijacking planes and throwing disabled tourists off cruise ships, IRA bombings of pubs, stations and shops, nuclear proliferation, threat of nuclear war, a cold war with the USSR, half of modern Europe under the Soviet yoke with disappearing family members and three day queues for goods, the oil shock, Iran falling under religious fundamentalism, Red Brigades, ETA, the invasion of a now European state and thousands missing, "p*ki bashing", NF marches (the battle of Lewisham), the Lebanese Civil War (a giant clusterfuck)... do you want me to carry on?

And you somehow think that Boris Johnson is worse than this?

Crikey ...

the 70s were halcyon days

I agree with Werkz No way were the 70s better than the current decade. Quite the reverse.

I think it's a shame my parents have spent over 50 yrs arguing so much followed by days of icy silence.

They still do it now they're in their 70's. I've got no patience with it now. I have so many memories of it growing up. The silences and glaring. It's been very destructive but I don't think they even realise how much.

My parents bicker but still dote on each other. Dh parents never arguen, there's lots of passive agressive tactics, silence and nothing gets talked through. I'd take the bickering and honest view points any day

Oh god this thread hit home. I and my sister suffered my parents rows all my childhood. The car rows were so awful, we nearly crashed so many times, my sister and i literally trembling in the back seat, me pleading with them to please please stop. Their terrifying arguments , us listening to them at the top of the stairs because you couldn't NOT listen, hearing the awful awful things they called each other and the venom in their voices. Hearing things being thrown and broken and seeing the devastation the next day. Spending hours wishing someone would intervene. I spent a lot of my childhood terrified of those rows and I recall so many of them so very vividly.

Shudders.

Think there may be a good point there Cherylene.
People didn't just quit and walk away from marriages then so maybe the rowing in related to that.
I'd rather argue and work through it than silently summer and divorce.
But then again I'm no quitter

Ours had rows. I don't with my oh but my sister does. I don't row with mine (v often) as we can ignore each other better with Internet/telly or address the issue a bit via text.

My parents still row & the contempt in my dads voice chills me a bit.
Why they're still together I'll never understand.

My exDH is a PA nightmare. I'm a get it out in the open and process accordingly.

I had to quit. So rowing doesn't necessarily lead to maintaining a marriage & staying together; not in my case anyway

gives me the chills

My father was and still is very shouty he can barely have any conversation where he opinion differs to someone else's without either shouting or proving the other person wrong, it was and is horrible. He seems to thrive on disagreements. I just remember him being in a constant state of irritation when I was a child and my db and I walked on eggshells to avoid triggering his temper. Although he only ever hit me two or three times that I can remember, he shouted all the time still does everyday over something. My mother just seems to put up with it. But she never stood up for us when we were kids which I find hard to forgive her for tbh. Not sure if it was more acceptable back then and to be honest I don't think my father gives a shit he just carries on as he wants.

Well I very clearly remember my mum and dad arguing around holiday times. Never in between. But holidays = stress for my parents. Used to travel from the north west, to cornwall. Camping. My mum, dad, and 5 siblings. Now my husband and I drive to the south for holidays. With one child. And it is a different experience. I think with 2 or more kids, it would be very stressful.

One of my sisters is still very shouty and I think it stems from this

Where on earth do you get the idea that partners don't shout at each other these days? Have you ever looked at the relationships board?

Mine just used to thump one another.
We didn't have a car.
The police always dismissed it as just a domestic.
In theory they take it more seriously these days.
So perhaps they row less as they fear the consequences more?

I don't agree it was less stressful for parents. My parents had a shared toilet and no washing machine. Normal working hours were longer then with working class people usually working 5 days a week plus Saturday morning. And there was very little money around for leisure activities.
However, divorce was highly stigmatised, so I think rowing in public was more socially acceptable. Now you would just wonder why the couple were still together.

Also for car journeys these days you have ipads and sat navs. Parents in the past had a paper map and I Spy books. Easy to see why the journey would have been more stressful then.

I do remember being mortified one Monday morning at secondary school, when two of my friends told me they had called round for me on the Sunday, but they didn't knock because it 'sounded like your mum and dad were rowing'. I don't know if the weekends trigger something, but my mum & sister still have terrible shouty arguments - if my phone rings on a Sunday afternoon, I can almost guarantee it will be one or the other in tears.

My parents are visiting me and I was watching them bicker while trying to put a duvet cover on and it reminded me of this thread. They bicker a lot, but they're also very affectionate and look after each other.

I think I'm very conflict averse after a horrible time with exH who was very shouty and quite physically threatening. I'm single now, but if I get involved in another relationship (I may or may not - single is fine), I really can't be bothered with rows. We can agree to disagree about things.

practy - I am not sure that's true. Some of my worst arguments with DH have been because he refused to believe the SATNAV!