parents of the 70s and 80s were way angrier - DYA?

[JackandDiane]

Was talking to mates about long holiday car journeys and we all remembered blazing rows ( normally near Rouen) as par for the course - and we remembered them in a funny way, although I am sure they probably weren't

We just don't have huge bust ups like our parents did now adays - are parents more tactful and discreet, or do we all simmer or text our pals angrily? Why dont't parents ROW any more?

I think today's parents save their anger for their children's teachers.

My parents rowed and it wasn't funny. I hated it.

Stbxh and I rowed too. I hated that as well.

I think people in general in the 70s and early 80s were way angrier.

When I think back to the 70s, it was a really odd time. There was so much hostility in the air and people could be very unpleasant. I suppose, economically and socially, things were pretty horrendous in Britain so there was a lot of pressure there.

But there was an attitude you just don't see anymore. If I were to try and describe it, the closest thing I can come to is a kind of "Jim Davidson-ness": really bitter and spiky in its aggressiveness, but with an odd edge to it.

I remember as a kid being in town one day and there being some sort of strike with men stood by a brazier. I guess I must have been staring and one of the men told me to "piss off, you little bugger" and flicked a V at me. You just wouldn't get that now.

My parents shouted at each other, though my father was by far the worst. DP's parents sulked and were a bit spiteful to each other.

I try to be less shouty, DP tries not to sulk.

On the positive side, DSis and I used to physically fight; pull hair, punch and kick. My four DCs never ever fight or even really fall out. So some progress has been made down the generations.

When I think back to the 70s, it was a really odd time. There was so much hostility in the air and people could be very unpleasant. I suppose, economically and socially, things were pretty horrendous in Britain so there was a lot of pressure there

You think that 2016 is any better? Brexit, Boris, Trump, racism, terrorism, mass shootings, austerity....the 70's were halcyon days in comparison.

But this thread is just stereotypes and generalisations. As if ALL parents were one way in Way Back Days, and ALL parents are another way in the Now...its ridiculous.

Every era is characterised somehow. It never applies to everything and everyone.

I grew up in a very shouty family.

Me and dh have never argued or raised our voices at each other in ten years together. I do shout at the kids though, but nowhere near as much as my mum shouted at us.

I agree with Freedom. Now more than ever there are things to get angry about, to shout about. Having a little quibble just outside Rouen is not one of them.

Every era is characterised somehow. It never applies to everything and everyone

Yeah, but no era is characterised by how shouty parents are. Obviously.

Rouen without a satnav would cause a row. Been there, had the row. Now have satnav but it is still always the most likely flashpoint on any journey

I'm interested in user1460's comment about parents now having "less authority" over their children. That's not true for us. We have every bit as much authority as my DPs had. My Dsis has less but that's down to her parenting choices - it's not a cultural difference.

I think DH and I argue aboutas much as my DPs did - occasionally.

Obviously it's not a good thing for children to be frightened or see nastiness but I think it's probably healthy to see that your parents can disagree, be angry with each other but resolve things sensibly and still love each other throughout.

acasualobserver

I think today's parents save their anger for their children's teachers

Yes I agree. Or a shop manager or someone they perceive to be "in charge" and that they can bring down a peg or two. For some, it is far easier to be angry at a teacher, who won't shout back, than your child.

Hence higher divorce rate now?

Divorce rate is much lower than it was in the 80s and early 90s

Relationships between people and how children are treated are part of the character of any era. You can't see it at the time necessarily.

werks

Not sure about that to be honest I was born in the 60s and I can't remember ever being as scared and worried about the hostility in the world as I am today

My parents rowed. A lot. there was a lot of shouting usually instigated by my DM. She always seemed so bad tempered, so easily stressed that even leaving a teaspoon in the sink could cause an argument. Holiday time was the worst. We weren't well off so there was so much pressure to have a good time. And we did...between the arguments.

Divorce rate is much lower than it was in the 80s and early 90s

Deceptive, though, because so many more people now have children without being married. I don't know if there are reliable stats on how many unmarried parents split up.

I was born in the early 60s. My parents have never had a shouty row as far as I know. They did shout at my brother and me when we were growing up but their relationship is amazingly harmonious, which is a large part of why it's lasted nearly 60 years.

My husband and I have been married for well over 30 years. We hardly ever row.

I have to admit though, that in both marriages there is a lot of reaosonably good natured bickering and nitpicking.

My parents rowed almost constantly, with a lot of shouting. My mum still shouts at us sometimes and my youngest sibling is 30! Holidays were usually better than other times though, and I don't remember any arguments about directions etc.

I have a dread of conflict. DH and I have very very long conversations hashing things out (which I also hate) but usually succeed in remaining civil and respectful to each other.

My parents got better once they divorced but my mum can still frighten me.

I don't remember any friends' parents arguing like mine did. We did get shouted at a lot by teachers though (80s/90s) - don't they shout any more?

Gas difficult to assess with unmarried parents to quantify as there will be a range of relationship types within the category of 'unmarried parents' ranging from married in all but name to brief fling/one night stand resulting in a child.

My parents had horrible rows, really scared me as a child, horrible atmosphere to live in. I spent my childhood either wishing or trying to convince them to divorce....they stayed together but they still can't disagree on anything without a shouting match.

And when we were growing up there was lots of physical fights and name calling between siblings...my dcs have never had a physical fight, hit each other or name called. School used to be full of fights too. I think/hope society has become less violent.

I agree. A lot of things have changed for the better. Kids used to be beaten all the time, with implements, even at school. I knew a family were the dad and the teenage son had fist fights every saturday and it wasn't thought to be unusual. Kids pulling out fistfuls of hair and scratching all the time wasn't even considered proper fighting.

Oh God yes. Family rows in the car. Always when we went away. Mum really wasn't very good at reading maps and navigating. She couldn't drive either so Dad had to do it all. Dad got unconfident and stressed in an unfamiliar place so we would get lost and there would be some real humdingers. My sympathies mainly lay with Dad TBH.

Dad: Do I need to be off at this next junction?

Mum: I'm not sure. Where are we? Hang on until I find where we are on the map.

Dad: I can't bloody hang on woman I'm on a motorway!

Actually this was just about the only time I heard my Dad raise his voice as he was normally very even tempered. It was Mum who was the shouty, unreasonable one. I used to HATE it when they rowed.

I think this is partly why DH and I hardly ever do row. Bicker a bit maybe but nothing serious. I don't think we have ever really fallen out over anything and we have been married nearly 30 years!

(I am also a pretty good map reader and navigator)

Mine never argued and still don't. We relied on public transport whereas now we are both in control and hence likely to clash.

Oh yes, the arguments in the car - horrendous! Same, my DM rubbish map reader (like me) and my DF the calmest man in the universe losing the plot. One particular "lost" springs to mind, DM "I'll just ask someone" and picked a man who couldn't speak... oops!