To ask how FT WOTH parents manage their evenings?

[Dontyoulovecalpol]

We seemed to get on ok with this but lately it's gone to pot. I have 18m old twins in nursery all day. I get in at 5.30, DH at 7.30. Ideally I'd like them in bed by 8-8.30. They need snack bath story milk: we need supper, admin time (ie put a load of washing on: today we also need to call a tree surgeon and a damp proofer and do a holiday budget- when?!?!)

For the last few weeks I have had DS up demanding Thomas as 10pm and DD clambering on us. Both being difficult with bed time obviously. They need constant attention from the time we get in for as long as possible. Even eating dinner is hard
We're so tired we're just kind if stumbling from day to day not getting anything done!

OP I sympathise.

I work FT- little one is 2 & is in the nursery. We get home some time after 6pm, make dinner (nursery do proper lunch & snack/sandwich mid afternoon, hungry by the time we get home!)

Then get bath done, bedtime is usually between 8.30- 9pm which I feel is too late really, but husband gets home generally no earlier than 7.30pm

Once he's home the LO then gets all excited & hyper so can take a while to get settled in bed.

I feel like I never get much time in the evenings- once LO is in bed & asleep its generally 9/9.30pm. Wish OH could back home earlier so we can share things more, although once he gets home he takes over managing LO.

That's a fair comment waterrat but I think the OP is saying her children being up almost of the evening / getting 7 hours sleep isn't really working for all of them

There is a spectrum for sleep, it isn't exact and there will be a bit of variance in the spectrum. Some toddlers will only need 10 hrs while others push it to the other end of the spectrum needing 12-13 hrs sleep a day. My DD was towards the less sleep end of the spectrum but when she used to go to the childminder she was put down for a 2 hr nap. It was impossible to get her to sleep before 9.30pm but once she started nursery and dropped the nap she would easily settle about 8-8.30pm.

You know your own kids best so i won't presume to tell you what time they need to go to bed. I myself get home at 6.30pm sometimes the kids (5 and 8) have dinner at the childminder but my DS prefers to eat at home, DH when he goes to the office gets in at 9.00pm. I try to prep dinner the night before so the kids eat at 7pm then I take the kids to bed about 8.30 and i'll usually eat when DH comes home. Most of my friends kids all seem to have had 8.30ish bedtimes because obviously nursery and childminders like to get the kids down for a couple of hours to have a bit of peace and quiet.

OP, so if your DH has flexible hours, what is stopping him from compromising and being home at half 6 on nights a week so he sees them, and being late 3 (or vice versa)? And if he does the drop off in the morning he sees them every day anyway. Confused about his objections now

He doesn't have flexible hours. He was granted flexible working arrangements which allow him to come in 40 mins late in exchange for a 20 minute lunch.

To be honest our evenings are quite chaotic and in summer I have found our kids bedtimes slipped back and it's harder to get them to sleep. My dh is gutted if he gets back and they are asleep I totally understand a full time working parent wanting to see their kids at end of day. Tbh I work 3.5 days and dh works 9 day fortnight and we struggle with household chaos and have a cleaner.

Do you or your dh have any possibility of reducing hours or working less days.

I think you both live too far from your workplaces.

I have twins (now old enough to put themselves to bed and any naps are hangover-based) and they were in bed by 7.30 at the age yours are and had about 90 mins' of nap (live-out nanny). I used to love bedtimes but that's probably nostalgia

I'm also seriously impressed by the running before work - frankly that's on a parr with still wiping down your skirting boards and washing the inside of the windows, as far as work-life-baby balance goes, imo (but I don't care much for exercise and perhaps you do!)

Well it's just that I don't have anything to do before work, DH does all the morning childcare!