To ask how FT WOTH parents manage their evenings?

[Dontyoulovecalpol]

We seemed to get on ok with this but lately it's gone to pot. I have 18m old twins in nursery all day. I get in at 5.30, DH at 7.30. Ideally I'd like them in bed by 8-8.30. They need snack bath story milk: we need supper, admin time (ie put a load of washing on: today we also need to call a tree surgeon and a damp proofer and do a holiday budget- when?!?!)

For the last few weeks I have had DS up demanding Thomas as 10pm and DD clambering on us. Both being difficult with bed time obviously. They need constant attention from the time we get in for as long as possible. Even eating dinner is hard
We're so tired we're just kind if stumbling from day to day not getting anything done!

Sorry OP but your DH's needs do not trump those of your children.

Surely he sees them in the morning if you leave at 6?

Inshock your baby sounds really overtired. I know it's tough but I really think you need to find a way to come home earlier to start the bedtime routine.

MissDallas eating 30 mins before going to bed isn't that good for you - plus if the kids are up at 5.30 they must be shattered! We eat with DC when we can but move our dinner time earlier on those days.

Well...this thread has been a revelation. After cutting nap yesterday managed to get DD down and asleep for 7pm. She slept through till 7 without so much as a peep all night. Had time to myself in the evening and a great night sleep to boot! her usual bedtime was 8-8.30 ish and she is awake at 5 ish with 2 naps during the day. I wouldn't have even thought to change her nap were it not for this thread which I didn't even start! Thanks all!

We sort of muddle through, and have very low expectations of what gets done in the evenings. Ours are 4 and 6 and have never really slept well, despite cutting naps, upping exercise, reducing screen time etc. I can't bear cry it out so have never done that, it just doesn't work for us.

Luckily DH and I are opposites - I'm a lark and he's an owl. I get up early with the children (usually about 6), he stays up later if needs be with them. I'm useless in the evenings. Even if they did go to sleep earlier I wouldn't be able to do work or house admin then. Sometimes they don't go to sleep until 9.30/10 pm but seem absolutely fine on it, school is all going well etc. I do a few bits of house admin in the morning too.

So not great, but I know it won't last for ever.

Pug don't be sorry but it's DH you need to be telling that, not me and he's not here

Missdallas your evening sounds really nice. Mine don't need to eat dinner with us as they have it at nursery but when they're older we'd like that

I agree that the twins needs for sleep trumps your DHs wishes for them to kept up. Maybe you should show him this thread.

I don't make any time for exercise as I prioritise house stuff. I'm not sure which is the right thing to do.

5.45 collect toddler
6.00 toddler supper
6.30 toddler bath
7.00 story and milk
7.30 bed

She is 22 months old and has a 1hr30min nap in the day and sleeps 8 - 7

We have our dinner at about 8.30 and relax, read, watch TV, do admin, then go to bed at 10.

Yes I think as long as they're asleep by 8.30 we can have dinner and wind down a little- we might need to stay up later, but it's probably worth it!

Yes show him this thread!

We don't get to bed till 11.30 some nights. I just need the me time. Means I'm a bit knackered.

Not all children need loads of sleep.

Mine (aged 4 and 2) get 10 hours a night (plus 2 hour nap for the 2 year old). They will not sleep any longer no matter what we do. During the day they are cheerful, bright and alert. They eat really well too.

You sound like you had sleepers. Mine just aren't.

I'm not going to show him this thread he's not going to give a crap that a load of strangers on the inter web think he's selfish and should accept not seeing his babies. It's me who asked for ideas!

Lots of people saying controlled crying doesn't work. It does but you require a big pair of balls. It doesn't have to be mean - you explain the position to the child initially, you go back and reassure at increasing intervals, it's very calm and very caring if you want it to be. They eventually learn to go to sleep unaided and at an appropriate time. It's a life lesson to learn how to go to bed at an appropriate time and how to fall asleep on your own. Loads of threads on here with really helpful advice. Have a look, it does work if you can be arsed to try - the effort you put into it is directly related to the results you get out. But if you aren't prepared to try then, in the nicest possible way, stop moaning about it.

Ps had a friend do it with twins, separate initially and a big incentive is putting them back in together. Not enough rooms then you and DH could sofa sleep for a week while you did it - well worth it.

Yes nothing like seeing your baby turn bright red screaming and sometimes throwing up to incentivise you.

Yes of course he won't give a crap about what us lot think, when he doesn't even give a crap that his children might be overtired because of him and he's left it to you to find a solution... Good luck eh?

Pissed off - would you prefer that they are permanently exhausted than temporarily fucking angry because, for once, you don't pander to an unreasonable whim? Your children have you over a barrel. Mine do not.

Ha ha mine never ever had or have me over a barrel and nor were permanently exhausted. There are other, better ways. CC has gone out of fashion now thank goodness

Poppycock pissed

Sleeping children will never go out of fashion, thankfully

Lots of ways to achieve sleeping children.
I honestly couldn't care less what people do with their own kids, if they want to put themselves and family through it knock yourself out, I didn't, never felt the need.

if they are tired but your DH still wants to see them, then the solution would be longer daytime nap, not shorter. Would mean less child-free time in the evenings though - as pp have asked, I might have missed the reply, can you do some admin etc at lunchtime?

Oh for goodness sake. 8:30pm is a perfectly reasonable bed time for 18m who sleep for 2 hours at lunchtime. Ds at a similar needed 12 hours sleep in total- so 7:30pm bedtime, 6:45 wake up and 45minutes at lunch. If he had 2 hours in the day, the nighttime sleep went down to 10 hrs (8:30-6:30). He gave up his nap just after 2 and has slept 12 hours at night only a handful of times in his life.

Well no, DH would just think you don't know us or our family and don't know whether our babies are overtired etc, that you're just advising from your own experiences which may or may not be relevant to us.

Which is pretty much the case to be fair

I mean -I asked for advice because it's helpful. I know that not all the advice will work for us and that posters often get frustrated when you don't do as they say. But someone Who hasn't even asked for the advice is hardly going to read this thread and go "yep, fair point" are they? doesn't mean he's an awful person I need good luck for.

But I've already massively improved bedtimes off the back of this thread by putting them to bed before supper so that's a great outcome

Glad things have improved OP. You haven't said anything about your DH's daily timings for work, how far he travels etc. Is there anything that could be changed about that so he is doing something to fit in with their bedtime? I'm sure he's a good guy but sometimes people think 'well, that's my day and I couldn't possibly change it', when actually, it's not that impossible if you think about it.

He already has flexible working which allows him to do the drop off. In exchange for that he takes a 20 min lunch break. He finishes work at 6 and is home at 7.30.

All of our childcare is split 50:50

There is no rule in nature about bedtime for toddlers !! 830 is fine if it works for you ignore the judgemental comments. Of course your dh wants to see them. If they nap in the day then stay up a little later than other kids nothing wrong with that. Children in Spain have late naps and stay up till late. It's cultural !