To ask how FT WOTH parents manage their evenings?

[Dontyoulovecalpol]

We seemed to get on ok with this but lately it's gone to pot. I have 18m old twins in nursery all day. I get in at 5.30, DH at 7.30. Ideally I'd like them in bed by 8-8.30. They need snack bath story milk: we need supper, admin time (ie put a load of washing on: today we also need to call a tree surgeon and a damp proofer and do a holiday budget- when?!?!)

For the last few weeks I have had DS up demanding Thomas as 10pm and DD clambering on us. Both being difficult with bed time obviously. They need constant attention from the time we get in for as long as possible. Even eating dinner is hard
We're so tired we're just kind if stumbling from day to day not getting anything done!

Me and DH tag team everything. We share everything 50/50 so whoever does mornings the other does the evening and bed time. When I'm doing evening, I'm home with 19 month old dd between 5-6 and its tea, In the Night Garden and bed. We keep food and routine really simple and bed time is 7-7.30. We don't do big chores or tasks during the week. Just keep it chilled and handle stuff in the weekend.

Thank you for all your ideas and sympathy

Some good things to try here. They have both literally just gone off and I am I pading from under the bed (they are both in the same bed- I am leaving them, gotta take your good news and run with it...) so I just have that golden 5 mins to ensure they're asleep then hopefully.... Freedom

I did all this on my own, it's tough, I have no recollection of how I did it or how I muddled through, I just know I survived and the kids have no memory. As long as you show them you love them and don't beat yourself up about anything else

DH finishes work at 4, dd2 is in nursery at his work so he collects her and gets home about 4.30 and warms up tea which I prepare the night before. I finish at 4.30 and get home just before 5 as dh is dishing up tea. MIL collects dd1 from school and drops her home at 4.30. We all eat tea together. Then bath (every 2-3 nights) milk, story, bed at 6.30 -7. I have to sit with dd till she goes to sleep which can be 10 mins or an hour. During this time dh clears up tea, loads the dishwasher and does any non dishwasher washing up. I then prepare tea, lunch boxes and bags ready for the next day. Washing goes on when needed and I peg it out before I go to bed. We take it in turns to do household chores on the weekends or they get done in the evening. Admin work is done on lunch break in work. The house is not as clean as it was and there are a loooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnggggggggg list of "jobs" that need doing. Before dd1 was in school we used annual leave while she was in nursery for the day to get them done. Next time dps visit (they live 3 hours away) I'm going to ask them to take dd out so we can get some of the jobs done. By bed time I'm exhausted, it's hard work, and sometimes the mess really bugs me. But, I figure it's only for a few years while they are small then things should, hopefully get easier??!!!??!!

Days DS with GPs - one collects DS, who will have had dinner, and gets home about 6. The other goes home and walks dog at this time and might do dishes/put a wash on too. Spend time with DS and put him to bed at 7.

Nursery days - one collects DS and get home 545/6. Other goes home and puts DS dinner in so it's ready for him getting in. One then sits with DS and the other walks dog. Bed again at 7.

DH has gym/football 2 nights and I have gym 1 night so we eat about 845 once back from these. Other nights it's just after DS is in bed. We go to bed at 10ish so still have 3 hours to ourselves every night which is good for admin/any work we've brought home/free time/Netflix time!

We get home at 6, and DD's bedtime routine starts at 7 if she's having a bath, 7.30 if she isn't, and she's usually asleep between 8 and 8.30. It's late compared to other babies, but she's getting enough sleep for her (15 months old and has one nap at nursery).

DH does nursery drop-off and collection as it's near his work. She has all her meals there but has a snack when we get home - usually just a rice cake or a bit of fruit. I take over when they get home so DH can have a bit of a break, then we spend time together until DD goes to bed - one of us puts her to bed while the other makes dinner. So we eat late (8.30-9), watch a bit of tv, then whoever didn't cook does the washing up while the other relaxes (reads, goes online, etc). We go to bed around 10.30-11.

One thing is that we don't plan to do anything in the evenings - most housework gets done at the weekend. The most we'd do is put laundry away/ call friends & family, catch up on (non-work) emails, empty bins, maybe do a bit of tidying. This has two advantages - firstly it means that evenings are fairly relaxing (though weekends are busy), and secondly it means that if I do anything 'extra' I feel pleased with myself .

Admin gets done in lunch breaks at work, or at the weekend. I work four days a week, so I can get some stuff done on my day at home, during nap time. I also work from home one day a week, which is useful for catching up on laundry. Sad but true!

Somebody may have said this and I mean as kindly as possible but if they aren't seeing you all day they are damn well going to make sure they see you at night.

We had about 4 years of this, 3 very close in age and it's true the days are long but the years are short, they fly by. I wish we'd scrapped holidays until the kids were 5 at least, same shit different bucket, nobody came home rested and it's expensive considering. Maybe that's one less pressure on you two?

I get home with dd (2) at 6ish. Tea is something I batch cooked at the weekend so just reheating. Dd and I eat at about 6.30 then the aim is she's in the bath by 7. Dp gets home at 7 or 7.30 and we take it in turns to do the rest of bath stories and bed while the other does washing up and tidying. We don't put washes on during the week. Dp then eats after dd has gone to bed. It works well for us but I'm not sure I could cope doing it with 2!

Well done OP! Hopefully you've got your feet up with a

I am a single mum with 1 dd - she's now 3.

We get in around 6.15 from nursery - she has a snack in front of cbeebies whilst I tidy kitchen/sort out my own tea (normally from the freezer), and then bath (only sometimes though), story, milk and bed. She's normally asleep by 7.30.

Once she is asleep I do a couple of chores - but not much, before tea, tv and early bed. I'm up at 6.30 to start all over and can't cope exhausted.

I am quite good at tidying as I go, my standards are not amazingly high and I fit admin around work or email in the evening.

I have the luxury of a bit of spare time without dd which is filled by socialising, exercising, cleaning.

They do sleep at nursery- 2 hours at lunch. It's funny a few people have said to bin that, lots of people IRL seem quite surprised they're only one 1 nap.

If we don't get a holiday we don't get a break- just work house admin work house admin. I'm under no illusion that Portugal with 2 toddlers will be fun but at least it's sun and no deadlines.

We both work full time. I get up at 7, DD sleeps til 730 generally. DH brings DD (2) to nursery in his way to work. One of us collects her between 530-6, so generally in between 615-630. She has supper at nursery so we give her a snack and milk at home. Then we play/stories/watch night garden. Bath every second night. Bed 8-830 (I don't think it's that late either!). We normally eat afterwards- I do prefer eating with her but she isn't that hungry and normally wants to play so we sit with her while she eats.

I'm anal about meal planning! We batch cook and freeze for lazy evenings/my late shifts. Also make a big meal once or twice a week that does two nights. Make good use of my slow cooker and prep as much as possible the night before. I only make things that are quick to cook in evenings (

If you bin the daytime nap they will be over tired and harder to settle at night not easier

Two weeks at home with no packing, airports etc would be a holiday for you though seriously

Sorry my dinner comment was for Fractercula not for the OP. She was asking about what to do when the kids won't go to sleep for a couple of hours and had given her routine as well. My apologies that I didn't name check correctly.

I would probably see about reducing the nap. My DD was taking forever to settle until we stopped her nap, but she was just over 2 not 18months. And I disagree about the holiday- I love going away with my toddler. We have had 2 sun holidays in the last year- DD loves the beach, the sea and we all had a great time. We all slept late, then DD had a nap in the afternoon and stayed up late to come to dinner with us. She would then fall asleep in the buggy allowing us to have a drink.

Obviously we are lucky that DD tolerates changes in her routine but it can be great.

It's very different with 1 toddler Rin - oh if I could have my time again 😉

OP that sounds like a very late bed time.

My partner picks our 3.5 year old daughter up from nursery at 17:15 and is home at 17:35. On a Tuesday and Thursday she has a bath, then story time and bed by 18:30. On non bath nights she is literally put straight into her pjs and bed at 6pm.

One of us cooks whilst the other puts her to bed.

Tonight was pretty typical - all home around 5.15pm. DH and I tag teamed dinner (stir fry) while the other watched DS, and we ate at 5.45pm. Cleaned away the table and played with DS a bit until bath time at 6.45pm. DH went to do dishes while I read DS some stories and put him to bed. DS had a tantrum because he didn't want to go to bed, and I sat in the room with him until he calmed down and went to sleep at 8pm. He is dropping his nap at the moment so can be asleep anytime from 7-9pm depending on whether he has had a nap.

After bedtime I tidied around a bit for half an hour and put some laundry on, but no cleaning - I leave that till the weekend. Then I did some admin (online shopping for holiday and birthday presents, weekly food order) which took me until about 10pm. If I'd had no admin to do, would have watched some tv or maybe gone for a run.

The single biggest thing that would transform our evening would be if DS would go to sleep by himself. I feel really conflicted about it though as he gets upset if we leave and my instinct is to stay with him.

Btw 8-8.30pm doesn't sound that bad if they are having a 2- hour nap. That is what my DS was doing at that age. Once it started getting to 9-9.30pm (and he was also difficult to put down for the nap), I realised that the nap needed to be cut out or cut down. If he does have nap in the day now, it is limited to 1 hour so that we can hopefully get him down at 8.30pm.

Can you do admin phone calls etc during a lunchbreak at work? (or are you already eg: running your email then).

I really regret those years where we both worked full time whilst our twins were babies. I wish I had found another solution as unfortunately it gets harder to juggle once they are at school - i was working under the illusion it would get easier but that is not necessarily true.

My two are 6 and 3. We get in at 5-5.30. Three evenings we do a picnic tea as we're on the way to/from swimming, athletics or Beavers. The other evenings we get home, the kids play while I make them supper and after that it's bath and bedtime. DD is usually asleep by 7.30, DS by 8.

I'd get their evening routine sorted out. Once they get home, maybe 30 minutes play, then bath and story and bed, so they're in bed ready to sleep by 7. Once they're in bed then it's back to sleep training: rapid return, gradual retreat, whatever works for you as long as you're firm and there's no giving in to Thomas or climbing or whatever for a quiet evening. It might take a couple of weeks so you and your DH need to be a tag team and totally on board.

Then you'll be happy you did it!

This age has long since passed for me now, but when my youngest was 18 months my eldest was 4 - both at nursery Monday to Friday, app 0745 to 1715.

We used to get them home, general mooch about & play, cuddles, attention etc - maybe a little snack of a yoghurt or something.

Bath was app 7pm, then cuddle up & story then bed by half 7 (they were up at about 7 in the morning).

All of the other stuff that needed doing was done once they were in bed or at weekends - Saturday was house clean day, so every night was just a quick tidy up.

My two always went more or less straight to sleep, I didn't ever start playing again or watching a DVD with them after bedtime so they never expected it - if they didn't go straight to sleep they'd just amuse themselves in their cot/bed until they got bored & fell asleep.
Going to bed too late made them overtired & more likely to stay awake in a disruptive way tbh.

At the same age the routine was:

Upstairs at the end of ITNG about 6.50pm
Bath if required (not every night) or a wash with a flannel
Teeth
Into bedroom for nappy, pyjamas, story with water to drink
Into bed
Lights out about 7.15 or 7.30 if there was a bath

He was still napping at that ago for 1.5-2 hours and it was fine.

He's 3.5 now and has a similar routine with added going to the toilet and an extra story.

Chuck a load of laundry in before you go to bed and hang it out to dry in the morning. Or one person does the admin/tidying/laundry whilst the other cooks.

We normally eat about 8-8.30pm and always have.