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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how FT WOTH parents manage their evenings?

158 replies

Dontyoulovecalpol · 26/07/2016 17:21

We seemed to get on ok with this but lately it's gone to pot. I have 18m old twins in nursery all day. I get in at 5.30, DH at 7.30. Ideally I'd like them in bed by 8-8.30. They need snack bath story milk: we need supper, admin time (ie put a load of washing on: today we also need to call a tree surgeon and a damp proofer and do a holiday budget- when?!?!)

For the last few weeks I have had DS up demanding Thomas as 10pm and DD clambering on us. Both being difficult with bed time obviously. They need constant attention from the time we get in for as long as possible. Even eating dinner is hard
We're so tired we're just kind if stumbling from day to day not getting anything done!

OP posts:
ButtonBoo · 26/07/2016 18:58

Do agree that the struggle to go to sleep might be due to being overtired. Bath and into bedrooms. Don't come down and switch CBeebies on!! Quiet time. And you can sit there and MN whilst DP does the dinner!!

honeylulu · 26/07/2016 18:59

Our working week/childcare varies but today for example. Got home from work 5.40, was in house running round for five mins putting cups in dishwasher and newspapers in recycling (no one seems capable of tidying except me and our fortnightly cleaners are coming tomorrow!)
Then picked up car drove to nursery/holiday club (luckily in same building) collected 2 kids. Back home 6.15. Heated up some leftover roast dinner for toddler in front of c beebies. Would also have done some for 11 year old but he's stomped off in a sulk about holiday pocket money - he can do his own later. Tidy a bit more and make 11 year old packed lunch for tomorrow. At 7 I'll take toddler for her bath and husband will come home and start our dinner (usually after a lot of faffing) toddler goes to bed at 8. I play with her and read stories upstairs until then. It seems late to many but she just isn't tired before. I will then go for a run or do a HIIT workout watching some catch up tv and sort out any urgent admin - everything else waits for weekend. Also put away any washing (husband tends to load machine and hang to dry).
We eat really late around 9 watch TV and read paper until 10 (take turns cooking and washing up so the other gets evening off for exercise and admin/tidying). I then have a bath and then get clothes ready for morning while H baths. I go to sleep between 11 and 11.30 which is too late for when I have to get up (5.45) but I've no excuse. I could/should be better organised but i am also a faffer who wastes to much time on mumsnet

fiorentina · 26/07/2016 19:02

We have DS 2 & 4. We get in at 6pm in the case of DH and I get back at 7pm. He gives them a bath and then they have a drink and watch some tv, have a story and are in bed at 7.30, he or I make dinner then, then do the washing/water garden/admin etc.
I do have a job where I can fit in booking in tradespeople etc during working hours. We clean, iron, evenings and weekends.

Even if they aren't asleep straight away they are in bed. I couldn't cope with them up late so I sympathise, maybe we've been lucky but we have always had a set bedtime routine so that we have some evening to ourselves. Are their rooms dark enough to help them rest and calm down? Can you give them a carb laden snack to make them sleepy when you get home?

RubbleBubble00 · 26/07/2016 19:04

I bath once during the wk (unless they are manky with suncream ect). Then it's play, pj, story and bed. When mine were younger (all 3+ now). We had stairgates on their doors so if they got out of bed they couldn't escape. I'd leave them to it unless extreme crying then it was a swift cuddle and return to bed

Lucy90 · 26/07/2016 19:11

I'm currently on Mat leave, dinner for DD1 (18 months) at 5. Bath (every2-3 days) at 6 milk and story at 7. Asleep 7.15 DP gets home at 8 so I do chores in meantime then we eat together and watch a film or do our own thing. DD2 is 3 weeks so she comes to bed when we go up at around 10.30/11pm
When we are both at work we pick up from MIL at 7.45 (both shift workers) home at 8
DD already had tea/bath etc at MILs so she's straight upstairs into bed.
We both have dinner, usually something that's been defrosting throughout the day then each film/do our own thing

SlatternIsTrying · 26/07/2016 19:13

I do not care what anyone says but unless there is a very good reason (poonami etc) kids do not need bathed every night.

I set aside my tea break at work to make personal phone calls and a bit of my lunch hour doing routine admin.

It ain't fun and most of the time I'm drowning.

fairgroundsnack · 26/07/2016 19:18

Do your DTs have epic naps at nursery? My DS was refusing to go to sleep until about 9.30pm at a similar age, and I discovered that he was sleeping for about 3 hours during the day. I got nursery to limit his sleep ("but he's one of our best sleepers!" they said.... yes I'm sure he was!!) and then it got easier to get him down at 7.30pm, giving me more time in the evenings. It's ghastly if you can't get the kids to bed until nearly your own bedtime...

Petal40 · 26/07/2016 19:23

Clearly the nursery is letting them sleep in the day...cut it out and you will get them to bed at a reasonable time

Muskateersmummy · 26/07/2016 19:24

As with anything a lot depends on the child, our dd settles and has a better bed routine if she has a bath. Nights when we don't she is restless and we have multiple excuses not to go to sleep.

We have a rule that she doesn't have to go to sleep, but that she is to "read" or play quietly in bed. She's not allowed to get out of bed other than to turn out her light. Mostly she "reads" a couple of books, then turns out her light and goes to sleep. She is allowed a later night when we are all off together so that we can have a lie in !

Petal40 · 26/07/2016 19:27

I've 4 kids am aSAhm ...not that that's relevant,,but none of mine slept in the day at all past around 16 months...we were busy not veging in front of tv,as I'm sure they are busy at nursery ..just insist no naps..you are paying the staff ,so demand no nap

Hermanfromguesswho · 26/07/2016 19:40

I'm a single mum with 3 kids, mine are all older though (between 4 and 10)
I would make the phone calls at work in your lunch break
I always put a load of washing in at night and set it off on delay so it will finish just before I get in from work the next day, then take it out soon as I get home. I tumble dry everything even in summer as its so much quicker and easier...
Batch cook at the weekend or put dinner in slow cooker so it's ready to eat when you get in. If your kids are not eating with you then I would eat after they are in bed. If that's too late then I'd sit them in a high chair and give them veg sticks or something to snack on...
Also get a cleaner!!!

GrassW1dow · 26/07/2016 19:46

Have you tried just putting the DC to bed and letting them 'shout' it out? I have noticed that when my DS (also 18mo) is very tired (the sort of tired that I call 'beyond tired'), he wails when he's put in his cot. But it only ever lasts 5 - 10 minutes. It seems like a long time when it's going on. But it isn't, objectively. Then he falls fast asleep.

Xmasbaby11 · 26/07/2016 19:47

Ha ha all sounds familiar. Mine are 2 and 4. I get home with them about 5.30, make dinner, bath sometimes and in bed by 8. It is an exhausting push. But yeah the evening chores often get put off for another day or two. It's either do chores in evening when tired or do at weekend while wrangling children.

happypoobum · 26/07/2016 19:49

Agree with PP, I only bathed mine 3 /4 times a week. Does your washing machine have a timer? I found it far easier to set timer so I could peg washing out in the morning (airer if winter)

I have a gardener and wouldn't think twice about getting a cleaner if I didn't have such low standards Blush

GrassW1dow · 26/07/2016 19:51

I know you don't care what anyone says Slatternis but my DS does need a bath pretty much every day, especially during the spring/summer...he is always absolutely filthy by the end of the day. Grimy paws, black/grey legs (from the woods/park or outdoors at nursery), bits of god knows what in his hair sometimes.... maybe it's just that he's a rowdy little boy?

sugarmonster64 · 26/07/2016 19:52

All good advice. I would definitely try bringing forward bedtime if you can - it might have some knock on effects in the short term but that does seem late for that age.

I would use lunchtime or commute time (if possible) to do admin

Outsource as much as possible - cleaning etc

Buy a slow cooker or batch cook at weekends so you can just reheat your meals. Cheat - ready made mash, fresh pasta etc

It does get easier as they get more independent!

overworkedundersexed · 26/07/2016 19:55

I feel your pain OP. We both work full time and are both teachers/management so have lots of work to do in the evenings too. Sometimes it feels unmanageable. We have a cleaner and that helps.
I always think that living in a commune would be a good idea so that there were lots of people to help cook / babysit / stay in for deliveries etc - anyone up for it?!!

Libitina · 26/07/2016 19:57

Routine is the key. Once they have gone upstairs for a bath or a bedtime story, they do not come downstairs again unless they are ill. They don't have to go to sleep but can 'read' quietly in their room/s.

Pre-plan meals for yourselves, either batch cook at weekends or get a slow cooker.

Why do you need to be painting wardrobes at silly o'clock at night when you're all shattered? Prioritise what can be left (the wardrobes), what can be outsourced (you mentioned a cleaner) and what has to be done.

ImogenTubbs · 26/07/2016 19:58

OP - I empathise. DD has always been a dreadful sleeper and DH and I regularly spent entire evenings trying to get her to go to sleep. If we left her she could easily get so upset that she made herself sick. We often found that I was 10pm before she was asleep and we hadn't seen each other or eaten any dinner. We knew we'd get woken up 2-3 times in the night and then have to be up before 7 for work.

Unfortunately, the only thing that worked for us was DD getting older. She is almost 3 and much much better (although still rarely sleeps through the night).

Sorry if that is not what you wanted to hear. It can be a bloody slog when they are little.

polkadotdelight · 26/07/2016 19:58

DS is almost two and is up at the crack of dawn so I set the timer on the washing machine to come on during the night and put the drier on when he gets up. He has his evening meal with whichever granny is looking after him and a bath a few times a week. I get home with him at 6.15ish and its straight upstairs (with warm milk) to start winding down for bed - he is usually asleep by 7. He naps for about an hour and a half in the day.

We cook when we come down at 7pm but we do go to bed early so he is up at 5am!

Could you try bringing bedtime 5 minutes earlier every few days (think long term here) and a quick bath a few mornings a week? Changing their bedtimes won't happen quickly but they could be overtired and need a routine tweak. Admin stuff gets done in lunch breaks as there aren't enough hours in the day.

Bear in mind, it's easy for me to post as I only have one child!

OMGtwins · 26/07/2016 19:59

We have 3 yr old twins, and unless we get them in bed between 7 and 7.30, and ideally half 6 to 7, then they are overtired and a nightmare, and we have no time to cook tea and eat before bed. I work, wife doesn't, but I have to accept that if I'm not back before 6pm from work then I'm not going to see them before bed. If they have a nap during the day it's far harder to get them down, but they will go, as they know it's time and we have all the usual cues like curtains pulled, bath, story, cuddles etc. Napping is less frequent now as they dropped their nap at about 2 and a half, and we could never let them nap for more than an hour or wake them up later than 3pm either. They wake up at 6am, regardless of what time they go to bed, but they need those 11 hours.

OMGtwins · 26/07/2016 20:00

Correction, back before half 6 from work.

KatharinaRosalie · 26/07/2016 20:03

1 and 3 year olds. One of us picks them up at 6, and does something about dinner, could mean either cooking or dishing out what's in slow cooker. We all eat around 6.30--7ish.
1-year old goes to bed around 8, DH normally does the bedtime while I clean up a bit, put a load of laundry on, feed the pets etc. We then do various other tasks, often one of us also goes out for a run, or we with do if we have short ones planned.
3-year old goes to bed 9-9.30. Both bed times very easy, we basically just put them to bed and walk out of the room, that's it.

After that there's still a good couple of hours to do what we need, or just relax. Bigger stuff waits until weekend.

CheshireChat · 26/07/2016 20:04

Just wanted to say that not all kids go to bed/ wake up super early and that's OK too. By all means talk to the nursery and ask them to limit naps but 8:30 isn't that bad.
Could you shower them in the morning? It might be easier.

cowbag1 · 26/07/2016 20:06

I think they're either having too much sleep/too late a sleep at nursery or they're over tired. Ds (19mo) is absolutely shattered after a day at nursery.

I pick him up and we get home for 5.15. We play together until 6 when we do bath (he needs one every night as he's incredibly grubby), books, milk, teeth then bed for 7. DH gets home about 6 and will either take over with ds or start dinner. We eat about 7.30 then try to do a few jobs.

We're lucky as ds is a fab sleeper, our problem is we're too tired after all of that to do any jobs! So they build up over the week until we have an absolute dump to deal with every weekend.