Play scheme worker forced DS into her car

[Longlost10]

My 8 yo DS is in a holiday playscheme, there are two workers there I know. I employ the first one to drive DS home for me at the end of the day. The second one is her boss.

Two days ago, the first one was called away by a family emergency, and unable to drive DS home. The second one made him get into her car against his will, and she drove him home.

I rang her up that night, very very angry. I have taught DS never to get into anyone's car without my express permission, even if he knows them. He was very distressed, and said he had tried to resist and argue, but she had irresistibly over ruled him and forced him in.

When I spoke to the second worker on Friday, she got very offended, and said she thought she was doing a favour for a friend. I am however going to make a formal complaint. She probably was a friend, of sorts, we have been using that play scheme for years,and got to know each other well.

Even so, AIBU to think she should have rung me, and given me the option of leaving work early as a one off emergency, or giving DS permission to get in her car

Of course you are, and I'm entitled to point out its not your call to make :) That argument can continue forever! Let's end it now

If it is against your policy and you do it anyway, it is illegal and is against regulations.

I repeat, you do not just decide to override the existing arrangements and do it yourself. You know this!

OK I have read the bus thing. It doesn't say whether this is a school bus or public bus. Lots of children this age make their own way to and from school though and is off the point from what the op is saying. As usual on aibu the main point is ignored and there's every attempt made to discredit the op. Which is why I very rarely come on here. Op I think you're doing the right thing pulling him out.

Lol thinking about it, my lot (when they were at school, I now home ed all four of mine) the teachers/carers weren't even allowed to help with sun cream or taking them to the toilet, let alone giving them a lift!

Pearman why didn't you say you were a teacher?

Oh, please don't start all that again. My brain can't cope!

The OP can be upset about 'the choices she makes as a parent' being 'undermined', but the rest of us are entitled to point out that we think her choices were illogical/inconsistent in the first place.

I'm not upset, I am interested in all these points of view. I have, on the basis of these responses, decided not to make a formal complaint, just to withdraw my DS from the scheme

As an aside Pearman you know that the minibus is insured for this.

And bollocks to getting people fired.....

People are assuming if the op complains people will be fired.

Should everyone shut up and put up with any old shit through life in case someone gets fired?

The op can decline further services from the childminder if she wishes....that's threat such things work.

All those who are saying the OP should have had a contingency plan, I don't see how this would have made any difference. Neither of the workers (childminder or the other worker) apparently had access to the parent's telephone number, so they probably wouldn't have been able to access the number of the emergency contact either.

I do think the childminder should have known better, she is a professional FFS. I realise it's upsetting when something traumatic happens in your personal life but it doesn't absolve her of professional responsibility. Like a previous poster said, this is the day and age of everyone having phones and being more available than ever. It is unacceptable to not send a text or phone.

The way, not threat.

Because your response to me, and you picked my post suggested that you didn't work in a school and you had no knowledge of safeguardimg. I am wondering why you chose to be somewhat disingenuous in your reply to me. You know damn well about safeguarding policies.

Formal complaint, No.

A discussion that perhaps, given that your DS was nervous, a phone call
to you with DS present would be more effective. You could then make your point fairly that Employee should have contacted you and let you know what was happening so that you and DS could be made aware. Boss was silly to insist on your DS getting into her car and I'm assuming he was equally distressed at the thought of disobeying you. He must have known that he wasn't in any danger from the Boss? If he was truly nervous, then can I gently suggest you have a more
Practical talk with him about safety?

No we don't but that is why I said in my post that the policy needs to be looked at.

Pearman why would you put other members of staff in the situation of driving a child home and not yourself if it's not a problem to do this?

OK, well OP, it's probably unlikely that the play group worker will offer to do this favour to anyone again. She was presumably acting with good intentions and it was actually your child minder who screwed up and probably told the other staff member it was OK to drive DS back. So on the basis that she has probably learned her 'lesson' (whatever that is), maybe you can calm down and stop baying for her blood. Getting her into trouble at work for this is, I think, quite cruel of you. Maybe you will find yourself in a difficult situation at some point and you will do what you think is best under the circumstances but someone else is unhappy about the outcome. On that basis, maybe you can rethink the formal complaint action.

It doesn't matter what the normal arrangements are. It doesn't matter that the people involved already knew each other. All this other stuff is irrelevant.

A child should not be taken in someone's car without first having permission of the parent except in an extreme emergency situation, which this was not.

Whilst I can see how the worker felt she was just helping out she was still in the wrong. I wouldn't report her but I would be having a serious talk about it.

I work with children and have spent the best part of 40 years teaching them how to stay safe, and that includes not getting into people's cars. A couple of years ago I was driving home and passed a little boy who lives on our street, it was pouring down and he was drenched. I stopped and offered him a lift but he looked horrified and refused. He did exactly the right thing - I was in the wrong. I knocked on his door and explained to the mum that it had been me having a momentarily lack of judgement because I didn't want her to think some random person had stopped and tried to get her son into a car.

If DS is otherwise happy and settled in the playscheme and you have a word with your childminder and her boss to ensure different action should this situation arise again, then I'd not pull him out.

Pearlman, again.

You do not take it upon yourself to change existing arrangements a child's parent has, and become angry with the child when they express disquiet about complying.

You know this.