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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want DH to have a holiday without us?

95 replies

tigerlilly0404 · 23/07/2016 22:03

DH has a friend who has moved to Oz recently, he thinks it's completely reasonable to go and vist for 2 weeks, leaving me and our 4 DC at home?
We don't have a great deal of money and I feel that if we did have enough for him to do this trip I'd rather it went to having a family holiday so we can all enjoy it???
He really doesn't see it this way, so starting to think maybe it's just me who thinks this is not ok??

OP posts:
mrsfuzzy · 23/07/2016 22:07

selfish git going on this jolly up, his mate has only just moved ffs, umbilical cord being stretched already ? if he went i don't think i'd be around with dcs when he came back tbh

beardedladydragon · 23/07/2016 22:08

YANBU For the cost of a trip to Oz you could have a lovely holiday as a family. If you are able to do both of these things then it wouldn't be so bad but if you are missing out then he is being very selfish.

pinkyredrose · 23/07/2016 22:09

He is completely out of order, what the fuck is he thinking! Either you all go or none go.

HeddaGarbled · 23/07/2016 22:10

YANBU! Agree he's being a selfish git.

squoosh · 23/07/2016 22:11

Your family is strapped for cash and he's planning on splashing out on a solo jolly to Australia?

Fuck that shit.

RubyRoseViolet · 23/07/2016 22:13

Totally selfish of him. I would be livid.

QueenArseClangers · 23/07/2016 22:14

Ask him who's going to do his share of the childcare/housework etc when he goes? Utter dickish behaviour.

mrsfuzzy · 23/07/2016 22:16

where exactly is the money coming from if you are strapped for cash ? please don't say credit card or a loan.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 23/07/2016 22:20

He's being an absolute bellend. How can he even think that is acceptable?

Original poster
tigerlilly0404 · 23/07/2016 22:21

he is talking about in 12 months time....... so the next 12 months I'm suppose to be saving up (I deal with our finances) for his trip, so far I'm just laughing at him because I honestly don't know where he thinks the money will come from plus I didn't take him seriously, but he keeps mentioning it and it's started to annoy me, just wanted to check it wasn't just me before I give him 2 chooses!!!!

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 23/07/2016 22:22

Completely selfish given that you would be left with four DC and are strapped for cash

chitofftheshovel · 23/07/2016 22:24

Tell him that you're terribly sorry but you have already booked yourself a two week holiday for the time he is intending to be away.

Original poster
tigerlilly0404 · 23/07/2016 22:25

his theory is that it will be a cheap break! Hmm that he can sleep on mates sofa so no accommodation money, just flights an spends!!!

OP posts:
squoosh · 23/07/2016 22:26

So you're supposed to scrimp and save for a year in order to finance his fortnight in Oz. Grin

Er no, any scrimping and saving should go towards a family holiday.

rainbowstardrops · 23/07/2016 22:26

Tell him to bugger off with that idea!
Cheeky fecker

bloodyteenagers · 23/07/2016 22:26

I would sit him down and show him on paper the income you have. Then all the outgoings.
Show him what's left and ask how him how that supposed to be enough for a family to go to Australia for two weeks?
Oh he wants to go on his own for two weeks.
Great. Then how does it spread for 3 holidays?
His two weeks in Australia.
Your two weeks to that remote island you have been eying up.
And of course the family holiday.

And it's not a case of his gets booked and then yours. Nonono. You go on yours first.

squoosh · 23/07/2016 22:27

'just flights'

'just flights' to Barcelona - possibly
'just flights' to the other side of the world - ha ha ha.No.

Grilledaubergines · 23/07/2016 22:28

If money was no object and you could holiday with a friend on his return then that would to me be more than reasonable. But in your situation where money is an object then no, I don't think you're unreasonable

Original poster
tigerlilly0404 · 23/07/2016 22:31

yep that's pretty much right squoosh!!!!

he doesn't seem to think of things like that's 2 weeks of his annual leave used up, when he's needed to use it during school holidays to help with children care as we both work! I honestly think I can divorce him on the ground of actually thinking of doing this!

OP posts:
SellFridges · 23/07/2016 22:32

Trouble with this, is it's more about time than money. Even if you could afford the flights, can you afford for him to take two weeks out of his annual leave for a year?

My best mate lives in NZ. I could afford to go and see her if I wanted. DH hates flying and the kids are young so we'd only really consider me going alone at the moment. BUT it wouldn't be right for me to use up 2 weeks leave, which we need to cover school holidays and have DH stay at home and do all the school/nursery runs alone.

If it was for a wedding I would consider it.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 23/07/2016 22:32

He is a dick

SellFridges · 23/07/2016 22:32

Ha! Cross post. Exactly!

Liz09 · 23/07/2016 22:52

There's nothing cheap about a holiday to Australia; I'm guessing he doesn't realise that. Grin

AcrossthePond55 · 23/07/2016 22:55

I visit my cousin for a week once a year, and my BFF and I do a girl's weeklong trip to Disney once a year (sometimes twice). DH has a hobby he pursues a few times a year without me, too. So I don't see a problem with your DH visiting his friend per se. As long as you get equal time away (if you want it that is).

So save away! In 12 months you both split the pot and if there's been enough saved for him to go on his Oz trip, more power to him. The other half is yours to do with as you will, family vacation or a solo trip for you.

Just be sure that whatever cost cutting you have to do to save is split equally also. So if you do away with a manicure, he does away with a night at the pub.

SemiNormal · 23/07/2016 22:56

If he and his mate miss each other so much then how about flying half way and meeting in the middle and all of you go?