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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want DH to have a holiday without us?

95 replies

tigerlilly0404 · 23/07/2016 22:03

DH has a friend who has moved to Oz recently, he thinks it's completely reasonable to go and vist for 2 weeks, leaving me and our 4 DC at home?
We don't have a great deal of money and I feel that if we did have enough for him to do this trip I'd rather it went to having a family holiday so we can all enjoy it???
He really doesn't see it this way, so starting to think maybe it's just me who thinks this is not ok??

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 24/07/2016 08:44

What is going to be the cost of additional childcare to cover the fact that he is not using his holidays for childcare? Can you afford this as well as the flights etc? I would add up all the costs and then point this all out to him.

WaitrosePigeon · 24/07/2016 08:49

My husband goes on a couple of lads holidays a year. The next one is this coming Friday for a week, to Ibiza. That's all fine with me.

Australia? For two weeks? 4DC at home? He can go and fuck himself. Wouldn't be happening.

Original poster
tigerlilly0404 · 24/07/2016 08:49

the cost of additional childcare is ridiculous!!! added on top of his "cheap" trip to oz is just not doable, I think he thinks I'd take 2 weeks off my job to have the kids, meaning if I was to push for me to have 2 weeks away somewhere there simply wouldn't be enough annual leave for me anyway!!!!!

OP posts:
Shiningexample · 24/07/2016 09:04

His holiday consists of pretending he is single and child free
Whilst yours is spent with the children 24/7

He gets a break whilst you do double duty

What's not to like😕😤😯😬

ThePinkOcelot · 24/07/2016 09:08

I went to Australia a few years ago and stayed with my sister, so no accommodation. It's the flight and spends (everything expensive) that cost! He's delusional. No such thing as cheap jolly to Australia !!

GnomeDePlume · 24/07/2016 09:10

So your DH is planning on flying to Australia and staying on the sofa of a former work colleague? That is a big assumption he is making about other people's hospitality.

So in fact your DH is a selfish thoughtless sod all round isnt he.

No way would I want some random I had worked with demanding to sleep on my sofa for two weeks. A couple of days maybe but then I would be expecting him to get himself to a hotel.

So it wont just be flights there will be a hotel to pay for. That will mean meals out as well.

This is not going to be a cheap holiday.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 24/07/2016 09:19

Sounds very one-sided. His whingeing about taking time off for your ONE night away (contrasted to his oh-so-reasonable demand here) says it all.

May I have the honour of being the first to say LTB.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 24/07/2016 09:20

NB "... oh-so-reasonable..." is meant to have a sarcast-icon. Hope this'll do.Hmm

Aeroflotgirl · 24/07/2016 09:24

No no no totally unacceptable. That is family money, does he not want to go on holiday with his family! If he did that, when he came back, he would find his clothes in bin bags on the pavement. Selfish horrid man!

Petal40 · 24/07/2016 09:24

Could you possibly of miscounted yr kids....from where I'm sitting ,looks like you have 5.... Well done for the calm manor you are approaching this with...kids don't need to see a fight...if mine did this,I'd be waving him off ,making sure he knew he wasn't coming back ,meaning it's over X good luck

PotteringAlong · 24/07/2016 09:27

timeforabrew I've got 2; they're 4 and 1. His best mate was getting married, we'd had a ppi rebate and he used that. We couldn't have all afforded to go; they FaceTime lots, daily what'sapp contact and he really wanted to see him. Best mate has been over to the uk before and since.

He's not going all the time, but sometimes things are important to people.

happypoobum · 24/07/2016 09:38

I agree with PP - you shouldn't have to go without anything. And he has to save the additional childcare money before you even start to consider savings towards his trip.

He sounds like a selfish git.

ForalltheSaints · 24/07/2016 10:33

If you were comfortably off and it was a week for something such as a friend's wedding then perhaps it would be OK. Not in your current situation.

mortgagefreesoon5 · 24/07/2016 10:36

I'd put it this way, you all go to Australia or nobody does, otherwise it's not fair on you, do not back down OP
a) your finances are already stretched and b)4 children for one person 2 weeks non stop, i mean came on....
he is having a laugh
.....can he afford to put aside 700/800 gbp pcm over the next 12 months???...I thought so....
(and please please do not pay with a cc or a loan)

Shiningexample · 24/07/2016 10:42

We want to help you OP!
Keep us updated😊

Iloveowls2 · 24/07/2016 11:06

Give him two choices. Emigrate with his mate who is obviously so important or save up for a family holiday you can all enjoy

Mycraneisfixed · 24/07/2016 11:08

Wouldn't we all like a trip to Oz without the kids? but we can't because we chose to get married and have a family. Is he really an adult?
Keep laughing at his idea OPGrin
No way does he go on a solo jolly!

Msqueen33 · 24/07/2016 11:18

I would love love love to go and see my brother on my own in the states for a few weeks. Can I? And leave Dh with three kids (2 with Sen) for two weeks and stretch our finances? Probably not.

differentnameforthis · 24/07/2016 11:48

Wow-za-mondo! For 20 fags? No, they come in pks of 25/30/40. Dh pays $30 for a pk of 40.

Original poster
tigerlilly0404 · 24/07/2016 12:18

so after we have spoken, I can't get him to see any sense, I think I've been calm so far as I thought it was an idea that would just flatter away...... I do our finances an I honestly think he just thinks I can 'budget' it in some how just like i would if we needed a new fridge or something!!!! I said in that case I want 2 weeks holiday away, he thinks I'm just doing trying to make it difficult for him!!! hahahaha. I've said about the 2 tins idea! and said that if he wants me to cancel his gym membership, and the money that he has each week for his football/rugby teams to put in his tin then he can! but of course he doesn't want that to happen either, believe me if he went then that would be the end of us! if money was no problem then great no problem what's so ever! but when it means the kids would have to lose out on things an a family holiday in order for him to have a two weeks jolly holiday alone then I have an issue with it!

OP posts:
mortgagefreesoon5 · 24/07/2016 12:46

Go girl!!! Don't back down, and also I hope you get the same amount of time off he seems to have to persue your own hobbies.

GnomeDePlume · 24/07/2016 13:00

So have you checked your DH's birth certificate as it sounds like you are married to a small child who still believes in the golden egg laying goose!

Clutterbugsmum · 24/07/2016 13:51

Perhaps 1 small tin of beans on a slice of bread for dinner every night for him for the next week will sharpen his mind. Tell you are saving his portion of the weekly food bill towards his trip. Then start circling part time evening jobs for him to do to help him save for his trip and the cost of the extra child care cost.

Have either of you actually looked at how much this trip will cost.

Shiningexample · 24/07/2016 14:48

he thinks I'm just doing trying to make it difficult for him

he doesnt really think that, he knows he is taking the piss but he thinks that if he just keeps on insisting he is right you will eventually back down...I guess it's a form of gaslightling

anyway I wouldnt waste breath trying to rationalize with someone who refuses to be fair
decide on a plan of action and stick to it

SenecaFalls · 24/07/2016 15:03

YANBU, OP. DH and I take separate holidays now on a regular basis, but our children are adults. But when the children were young and we were on a tighter budget, there is no way that either of us would have considered taking a two-week holiday without the whole family. We budgeted and saved every year for one holiday trip with all of us. Our children would have been very hurt if they had to give that up for one of us to go off on a frolic of our own.

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