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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel annoyed at DH showering twice a day

170 replies

InsaneDame · 23/07/2016 20:19

Apparently he needs one in the morning to feel fresh before work and one in the evening after being at work all day - this one I understand but surely after showering the night before and just sleeping there is no need for one in the morning? AIBU?

OP posts:
Sellingyesterdaysnews · 24/07/2016 01:04

Think it's a bit controlling..he is a free person: let him wash .

Sellingyesterdaysnews · 24/07/2016 01:05

Agree also , after a shift its not over until you have that shower .

TinklyLittleLaugh · 24/07/2016 01:05

Surely if you have sex you shower in the morning? And it's nice after a hot sweaty day to have a quick shower before you jump into bed.

e1y1 · 24/07/2016 02:17

It really shouldnt be costing that much.

But if you wanted to know, Power showers use more water than the other types of shower (electric, mixer tap system etc)

If you are really concerned about water use, then Water Airdrop showers would be the best.

e1y1 · 24/07/2016 02:18

No tinkly they have a penis beaker Grin

branofthemist · 24/07/2016 06:15

I always shower on a morning. And if it's warm or I have had a long day I shower at night.

I may have only slept, maybe I am particularly sweaty, but I don't feel clean I don't shower on a morning.

As for the poster that said they would let their dh shower twice a day. That's a bit shitty.

TheFirie · 24/07/2016 06:44

I wish DS1 would shower twice a day!

londonrach · 24/07/2016 06:47

Yabu. Its hot. My dad has three or more in the summer. Whatever makes you comfortable. Yesterday i had two but normally just one. Im shocked anyone monitors shower use. Be grateful he showers and smells clean... (Nhs community worker)

OnionKnight · 24/07/2016 06:53

Yesterday I showered once in the morning and once in the evening, there's no way I would go to work without having a shower in the morning evening if I had showered the previous evening.

And the person that showers every other day in winter is absolutely disgusting.

OnionKnight · 24/07/2016 06:55

Even if*

Mia1415 · 24/07/2016 07:04

YABU! In this heat that's completely normal.

JudyCoolibar · 24/07/2016 07:14

We do sweat quite a lot overnight, especially in this weather. You ought at least to wash your pits and bits in the mornings. I would also suggest you look into a quieter power shower.

confusionis · 24/07/2016 07:15

I just encouragded ds to have his 3rd shower of the day. Its the only surefire way to cool down

WhatTheActualFugg · 24/07/2016 08:07

And the person that showers every other day in winter is absolutely disgusting. bit extreme, no?

If you're not a sweater, there's only so much dirt someone can collect in 48hrs!

Back to the OP, I wouldn't dream of going out in to general civilisation without showering first (staying at home with babies was another matter!) so that's my default time to get clean.

An evening shower is an added extra for days when I need cooling down or washing off all the bloody sweat and sun lotion!

HostOfDaffodils · 24/07/2016 09:33

People can cool down in all sorts of ways. By wearing appropriate clothing, changing clothing which smell stale, by having cool drinks, sitting in the shade - adjusting the temperature indoors (drawing blinds, using fans, ensuring adequate ventilation.) Sweating is the body's own cooling mechanism.

I'd also argue that people just smelling of people - as opposed to strong odours of say, unchanged socks - is not really a problem to many of us. Yes, if you're jammed in a crowded Tube carriage, it's not that wonderful.

But if you are just sort of generally sitting around, rather than being pressed up right against one another, it's okay.

To some of us endlessly rewashing yourself seems just a tad neurotic/obsessional...... A bit Lady Macbeth.

MargaretCavendish · 24/07/2016 09:40

But if you are just sort of generally sitting around, rather than being pressed up right against one another, it's okay.

I don't think it's neurotic to want your personal hygiene to be better than 'okay if you don't get too close'! Anyway, surely only a single person can make that argument. The OP and her husband share a bed, so they are getting up close and personal with others!

HostOfDaffodils · 24/07/2016 09:51

I'm married and have three children. I think I quite like what I'd call the natural scent of my family. Rather than preferring the artificial smells of perfume, soap etc. (That's not the same as adoring the odour of old trainers.)

But if you're in a family I'd say part of the physical intimacy is just thinking their bodies are basically okay.

RhodaBull · 24/07/2016 09:54

Agree with Cookie. Don't you guys have water meters?!

We were compulsorily changed to a water meter and it made the charges worse as it coincided with my dcs entering the teen years. Power showers for four people a day = ££££££££££.

harshbuttrue1980 · 24/07/2016 09:55

I find it really strange and control freaky that you are so bothered by this. Different people sweat different amounts, and some people need to wash more than others.
As a sweaty person, I have a bath or shower in the evening, and its quite a long one as I wash my hair and shave my legs in it because my hair takes ages to dry so I can't do it in the morning. I then have a quick shower in the morning, as it wouldn't feel right putting on clean clothes on a body that has sweated overnight. Someone who doesn't sweat as much could skip the morning one, but I couldn't - even though I wear deodorant overnight, I still have a bit of BO when I wake up. Everyone has to do what is best for their body. If a man tried to stop me from doing this (referring to Badger's post, not the OP's), I would see this as control freakery and abuse and I would be out the door.

WhatamessIgotinto · 24/07/2016 09:58

I can't for the life of me understand why anyone wouldn't have a shower when they get up in the morning. I'm in and out in about 4 mins but I need it to get me awake (and clean). Anyway, most people sweat loads in their sleep even if they don't realise it.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 24/07/2016 10:00

Power showers are really noisy, that's the only reason it would annoy me.

daisychain01 · 24/07/2016 10:09

Well he isn't actually dirty in the morning, he hasn't done anything other than sleep!

Don't you realise how much people sweat at night? Esp. men.

If it makes him feel comfortable, and it cost about 20p in water, do you really begrudge him that?

FantasticButtocks · 24/07/2016 10:16

Yes. YABU to be annoyed about this. And all this talk about whether it's necessary or not, who the hell cares? Maybe he simply likes having a shower first thing and last thing! Just because you don't is why you're annoyed. But he is a separate person from you, he is different, he is doing something he likes/wants to do which doesn't harm you or anyone else. How many things do you, or we all do, that aren't necessary? if we all lived our lives by necessity alone, what a miserable existence that would be. Maybe the showers give him pleasure. Why begrudge him that?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 24/07/2016 10:20

Dh and ds definitely shower for pleasure, I shower to get clean then out. They can easily shower for 20+ minutes each but I'm in and out .

HostOfDaffodils · 24/07/2016 13:58

I am so old I can remember life before showers - it was just those funny attachments on bath taps so you could wash your hair. Which means I've never got in the habit of showering - other than when using shampoo every 3 or 4 days.. To me, it;s what you do when you're in an incredible rush. Whereas I'm a habitual bather.