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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strip club

280 replies

MJ14 · 23/07/2016 18:33

My hubby is going on his mates stag weekend away, I know the groom plans to take the group in a strip club and I've told my DH that I'm not ok with this at all and he keeps telling me I'm being silly and he can't say no when everyone else is going.
AIBU to ask him not to? He doesn't drink much anyway so it's not unreasonable for him to leave the group to it.

OP posts:
LassWiTheDelicateAir · 26/07/2016 23:48

I'd call blaming happy sex workers for contributing to the objectification of women as a whole

Yes I do blame the happy sex "workers" brigade for collaborating in the commercial sexual exploitation of women. I blame them for participating in the objectification of women.

"Slut shaming" is a ridiculous expression and has no bearing on this.

Waltermittythesequel · 26/07/2016 23:48

Women being paid to take their clothes off for the sexual gratification of men makes me sad, User.

You can dress it up all you want (no pun intended) but you're being deliberately obtuse to be comparing it to any other job one might find herself in.

If your daughter came home and told you that she had decided to strip for a living, would you applaud her choice?

If Bill from next door paid her to take off her clothes and gyrate at him would you be clapping him on the back for supporting her career at your next christmas party?

AnyFucker · 26/07/2016 23:48

Yes, I didn't think you had understood the issues, User.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 26/07/2016 23:51

I agree AF. You can practically hear the point swishing past high overhead.

AnyFucker · 26/07/2016 23:53

Yup

User8530 · 26/07/2016 23:55

If my daughter was a stripper and she was happy then I would see no issue- I have had plenty of jobs myself where I've felt miserable and exploited so I know the value of job satisfaction, what difference does it make if your clothes are on or off?

I can see that I'm not going to open any minds here, which is a shame. AnyFucker- please do not patrionise me.

AnyFucker · 26/07/2016 23:58

I don't need to, User.

Waltermittythesequel · 27/07/2016 00:00

If you could stop insisting that people are closed minded, that'd be great.

So, when your dd is 19 and her dad's work colleagues come in for a private dance or five, that's all going to be just fine and dandy is it?

Sorry, but your 'cool wife' mentality is exactly why young women are exploited and forced into the sex industry.

Instead of trying so desperately to normalise it, why aren't we teaching our girls that they're worth more, are more than sexual beings put on the earth for the gratification of men?

User8530 · 27/07/2016 00:01

If it's not slut shaming then what exactly would you call implying that women shouldn't chose to take their clothes off for money if they so wish? Genuinely interested.

User8530 · 27/07/2016 00:05

Ding ding ding, it's the 'cool wife' alarm!!

Seriously- the 'cool wife' rhetoric just implies that anything any woman does is for the benefit of a man. Maybe I just like going to strip clubs.

I know strippers, I know sex workers, I am heavily involved in campaigning for their rights and fighting to legalise the sex trade so that women aren't exploited or coerced or forced into doing anything they don't want to do.

As for teach girls they are worth 'more '... Honestly if you don't see how that is slut shaming then I don't know what else to say. I personally will be teaching my daughter that a woman can be anything that she wants to be.

Waltermittythesequel · 27/07/2016 00:06

I'd call it sympathy for women whose circumstances have led them to that way of thinking.

But you continue to think it's slut shaming if that's what you wish.

Me? I will continue to think it's a small cog in the very big wheel that is the sex industry, and that the industry is exploitative and negative for women.

User8530 · 27/07/2016 00:07

I think I've mentioned 'open minds' once? Sorry if that's too many. I was referring to opening up minds to a different way of thinking, which clearly isn't happening. I didn't mean to imply that everyone's minds are closed generally, and didn't think I did imply that, but anyway that's not what I meant.

Waltermittythesequel · 27/07/2016 00:08

I personally will be teaching my daughter that a woman can be anything that she wants to be

And I will be teaching mine that she doesn't exist to please men in one way or another.

Goodnight. :)

AnyFucker · 27/07/2016 00:08

I don't think that anyone should take off their clothes for money. I hate the fact it's even a thing.The only person who keeps implying people who do are "sluts" is you, User.

User8530 · 27/07/2016 00:11

But why, AF? Why does it affect you? If you wouldn't want to do it, then fine- nobody is asking you to. Nudity is nothing to be ashamed of, so your reasons must be rooted it thinking it was dirty or shameful?

AnyFucker · 27/07/2016 00:12

Or that I must hate sex ? Keep going. I haven't quite filled my card yet.

AnyFucker · 27/07/2016 00:14

Lots of things don't directly affect my day to day life. Does it mean I can't comment on the bigger picture ?

User8530 · 27/07/2016 00:14

I was genuinely asking, like I say I do a lot of campaigning in this area so I am always interested in debating on it. If you don't want to answer then that's fine you can just say rather than firing back with passive aggressive retorts.

AnyFucker · 27/07/2016 00:16

No, my retorts are aggressive not remotely passive at all. In response to your ignorance.

User8530 · 27/07/2016 00:18

You're in luck- I officially cannot be arsed trying to debate with you anymore. Hooray, you win!

No arguments on the aggressive front though, good lord.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 27/07/2016 00:23

I don't know, it just seems to me that every single woman who has anything to do with the sex industry has some history of being abused. From Sam Fox to Katie Price, they all project the image of a strong empowered woman, then reveal awful abuse that happened when they were younger, that seems to have just "normalised" their being treated as just sexual objects.

I do think the vast majority of women in the sex industry are doing it because life has given them few other choices. When my daughter's friend was stripping, she was telling my daughter that she could make a lot of money doing the same. It was utterly outside my daughter's frame of reference that she would even consider taking her clothes off (let alone do anything else) for the arousal of random men. Not because she has had some prudish upbringing, but because she has a solid sense of self worth.

HelenaDove · 27/07/2016 00:38

"I know strippers, I know sex workers, I am heavily involved in campaigning for their rights and fighting to legalise the sex trade so that women aren't exploited or coerced or forced into doing anything they don't want to do"

I can see the opposite being achieved.............women who are signing on being forced to take this kind of job.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/07/2016 00:55

Nudity is nothing to be ashamed of, so your reasons must be rooted it thinking it was dirty or shameful?

The "sex industry" relies on its users thinking that nudity and sex is dirty and shameful.

The big lie the pro punter lobby tell is they are the ones who are so open minded about sex and have such a healthy attitude to it. Yet as any one who has the misfortune to suffer MN's recent attack of porn pop ups porn sites are littered with words like "dirty" "filthy" "slut". Same with chat line adverts.

Natsku · 27/07/2016 05:37

My friend that did stripping, did it as part of her research into women's studies at Uni. She didn't have to choose that, she could have researched something else, but she chose stripping because that was where her interest lay. And enjoyed it.

RestlessTraveller · 27/07/2016 06:54

I truly believe that something somewhere has gone wrong for a woman to end up there, more so for the woman who claims to have enjoyed it and wanted it as a job.

Come on then Walter, since you know me so well you tell me what went wrong for me? Maybe it was my living parents, my great childhood or my good education?