Strip club

[MJ14]

My hubby is going on his mates stag weekend away, I know the groom plans to take the group in a strip club and I've told my DH that I'm not ok with this at all and he keeps telling me I'm being silly and he can't say no when everyone else is going.
AIBU to ask him not to? He doesn't drink much anyway so it's not unreasonable for him to leave the group to it.

I condemn the punters. Then i presume you condemn those women who freely, and without any coercion or financial necessity, choose to work in strip clubs (as in the licenced and regulated ones) too?

Vestal. So body-shaming of men is ok? I wouldn't be so worried about this (as most of us have preferences about what we do or not want to see) but if a man were to say he thought fat and ugly women should cover up because he didn't like the sight of them, I can hardly imagine you shrugging your shoulders!!

Then i presume you condemn those women who freely, and without any coercion or financial necessity, choose to work in strip clubs (as in the licenced and regulated ones) too?

Actually I do. They harm all women in doing so.

RT....so how do you feel about the theory that the existence of one "type" of club (the bourbon sipping hedge fund kinda place where the women are sex pozzy students funding their degree) supports the existence of the other "type" of club (the ones where trafficked, coerced and otherwise desperate women get sly fingers shoved up their vaginas as a regular occupational hazard)

And how do you define the difference ? Who polices it and do you think the women who are in those desperate situations are in any position to speak out ?

Nah. It suits most people's agenda to pretend that kinda stuff only happens to a different class of woman. It seems there is dishonour even among strippers, hey. Who'd a thought it.

Like I said. We don't need men to devalue women, do we ?

The same theory that we shouldn't buy clothes because some may have been made in sweatshops.... Even i seek to ethically source my clothes, I may still have been duped...

Weak. The supporters of the sex industry always reduce it to the sweat shop "argument"

Like it or not, society stipulates we have to (mostly) wear clothes. It's essential in my profession. I have no choice.

It's a choice to play the lottery of coerced/non coerced when you source your sexual thrills.

No it is not the same. Not quite sure what point you are trying to make.

The women who work in sweat shops do nor harm other women. The happy hooker brigade/ let's all just pretend the "sex industry" is just another job brigade harm all women.

Why does it matter if there's two types of clubs? The OP isn't to know which type of club her OH will visit!

I think some of you are staggeringly naïve to think going to strip club is OK but private dances aren't. A strip club in my city has recently had it's license revoked as CCTV caught the performers and customers engaging in 'intimate sexual contact' in such a way that is forbidden by our local council.

But even if they don't have a private dance, is that so much better? Either men are just going there for a laugh with their mates (doubtful I think) or they're going there to be aroused by the performers. So they either find the objectification of woman hilarious or they're trying to get their rocks off (i.e. cheat). Not great either way really.

RT....so how do you feel about the theory that the existence of one "type" of club (the bourbon sipping hedge fund kinda place where the women are sex pozzy students funding their degree) supports the existence of the other "type" of club (the ones where trafficked, coerced and otherwise desperate women get sly fingers shoved up their vaginas as a regular occupational hazard)

Moreover, back to the topic of this thread ... how do we know what strip club those guys are going to go to?
Why does everyone defending it assume it is the kind of place with a stage and no more indecency than the Chippendales?

Lass I don't actually give a shit for your condemnation of me. What you and so many other people who are against this industry as a whole find so difficult to believe is that some women do this because they want to, because we enjoy it. And when we don't fit into your little pigeon--hole of being poor exploited women you blame us for the victims that are, instead of the people who commit the actual crimes.

I understand why you do it, you need to rationalise it in you own little narrow mind. I've met hundreds of people like you, who do the judgemental head-tilt when I tell you what I that I used to be a stripper. I just laugh and walk away.

I've never met anyone whose dream was to be a stripper, whose fantasy job was taking off her clothes for the titillation of random, sweaty men.

I truly believe that something somewhere has gone wrong for a woman to end up there, more so for the woman who claims to have enjoyed it and wanted it as a job.

It's just sad really. I look at my little girl and I hope she never grows up and claims that stripping is what she wants. I will consider myself to have failed her if that's the case.

Most jobs aren't dream jobs you fantasise about as a child!.... But it doesn't mean that people gain can't get enjoyment and satisfaction from them....

Well no, most jobs aren't dream jobs.

I still haven't ever met someone in rl who skipped happily into stripping as a career...

RT...what are these "actual crimes" you are being blamed for ?

Maybe instead of condemning all women who work in the sex industry, we should support campaigns to legalise prostitution and sex work, giving it proper regulation and making it safer- this would protect any women being coerced or taken advantage of, without slut shaming the scores of strippers and sex industry workers who enjoy what they do. Win win, eh?

With regards to the question at hand- I would have no issue with DH going to a strip club or having a private dance. I have been to strip clubs myself in the past and had private dances- they aren't all as seedy as you might think.

You really haven't been reading properly, User

There hasn't been any slut shaming on this thread. I have seen some class shaming though. Lots of prude shaming. And some othering, quite a bit of othering. You know, those other women who work in those other clubs. But they don't count.

I'd call blaming happy sex workers for contributing to the objectification of women as a whole, and insisting that any woman who strips must have had a bad upbringing and/or not actually want to be there despite what she says pretty slut shaming actually.

As for 'prude shaming'... LOL.

I can coin new phrases make stuff up too

And I can blindly ignore any valid arguments that don't directly align with my own opinions! We're like two peas.

How about the othering. You didn't mention that. Would your husband enjoy a private dance from his mate's daughter, for example. Or is that beyond the pale ?

Or his own daughter putting on a show for his work colleagues. How about that ? It's all good clean fun, after all.

I have seen some class shaming though.

Yep Ive seen that too.

I'm not slut shaming.
You show me the woman who sat back, thought through her various available options and said "I want to take my clothes off for a living, even though there are plenty of other options open to me" then I'll hold my hands up and say I'm wrong. But I probably won't believe you.

My mate's daughter is 6, so yeah would probably be a step too far.

Or incase you are being serious- I don't really understand what you're getting at? In this made up scenario is my mate's daughter a stripper?

The fact that you probably wouldn't believe them is kind of the point.

People do all kinds of jobs that they didn't necessarily sit back, go through their options and pick- doesn't mean they don't enjoy them or that their work is any less valid. The only difference here is that in this particular job they take their clothes off, and if that's the bit you take issue with then that's the slut shaming I'm afraid.