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AIBU?

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Original poster

Strip club

280 replies

MJ14 · 23/07/2016 18:33

My hubby is going on his mates stag weekend away, I know the groom plans to take the group in a strip club and I've told my DH that I'm not ok with this at all and he keeps telling me I'm being silly and he can't say no when everyone else is going.
AIBU to ask him not to? He doesn't drink much anyway so it's not unreasonable for him to leave the group to it.

OP posts:
Brazenhussy0 · 27/07/2016 08:12

As a hooker, reading these threads about strip clubs is always a fucking hoot. Honestly, hilarious stuff. (Though my eyeballs do near enough roll right out my skull when I see former strippers here claiming some sort of weird moral high-ground over prostitutes… “It’s ok! Stripping’s great fun and at least it’s not prostitution!” Come off it.)

I wouldn’t be happy with my DP going to a strip club, to the point that if he ever suddenly decided he did want to go to one, he wouldn’t be the same man I fell in love with, and our relationship would be over.

I’ve worked in strip clubs, webcamming and as a prostitute. The latter is, oddly, the least demeaning. Now why is that?
It’s because when you’re fucking someone in the flesh, it’s hard to forget that they are a living breathing person with their own likes, dislikes and sexual agency.
Stripping, on the other hand, made me feel like a performing seal being gawked at (webcamming likewise). It was humiliating, degrading, soulless and, yes, I felt completely objectified.
I wasn’t a person anymore, just a body to be leered at – I hated that feeling of being completely dehumanised.
I don’t expect many people who haven’t worked in all facets of the sex industry to understand my viewpoint, but that’s my experience and opinion of it regardless. Other women in the sex industry will feel differently (funnily enough, just like ‘normal’ women, we’re all individuals.)

So yeah, I’m a prostitute who wouldn’t be happy with her DP going to a strip club Grin
At the end of the day, we all have our own boundary lines in our relationships that can’t be crossed and if your partner doesn’t respect your boundaries and actively pushes them despite being well aware of them, then you’re well within your rights to ltb.

RoseGoldHippie · 27/07/2016 08:25

Have any of you who would hate your DP/DH ever actually been to a strip club? I have been to them on nights out because xyz thought it would be funny etc, they are really boring! the skill of some of the women is amazing (gymnastic wise) but apart from that it's just a bit shit.
Theres so many men in there, and in the UK it's nothing like you see in movies! Private dances are a bit different but if the blokes are all going on a stag I doubt they would be breaking up out of groups anyway.
Also if a woman took liking to my DP In a pub etc and got totally naked and started dancing around him why would I give a fuck? My DP would be laughing his head off at the ridiculousness of it all and I have 100% trust he wouldn't cheat regardless if someone was pursuing him!

I am also guessing a lot of the anti-camp probably do not think the same way about male strippers and would probably go to see dreamboys etc with friends on a night out. - btw worse in my eyes as members of the audience are picked to go on stage and have mock sex scenes with the naked men.

RestlessTraveller · 27/07/2016 08:43

Brazen I 'm sorry if that's how I've come across. It's really not how I feel at all. I fully support a woman if she chooses to be a prostitute. I have absolutely
no judgement about that. It's not something I could do but if we all wanted to do the same thing life would be a tad boring!

AnyFucker · 27/07/2016 09:12

Brazen , respect to you and your viewpoint

Now could the women who keep yapping about how they've had a laugh in a strip club on a night out and how it's all just a bit of fun just STFU ?

How the hell do you know what it feels like to be on the other side of that transaction. Your boozy, slightly naughty night out is someone's life

I fucking despair

Natsku · 27/07/2016 10:13

What about the viewpoint of women who enjoy stripping AnyFucker - do you respect their viewpoints? Theirs are just as valid as Brazen's

thecook · 27/07/2016 10:22

Ifailed

Silly? The vast majority of sex-workers are at best coerced into it, or at worse sex-slaves

Typical middle class reaction. Have you actually met the women who work in these clubs?

I doubt it. I spent many, many years in the industry. Please don't make sweeping generalisations about a topic you have no knowledge of.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 27/07/2016 10:31

*Silly? The vast majority of sex-workers are at best coerced into it, or at worse sex-slaves

Typical middle class reaction. Have you actually met the women who work in these clubs?*

Not a middle class reaction no. The reaction of women who have been brought up with self esteem and the opportunity to make your own choices. And to believe that sexual attraction, and indeed sex, is something that you share within a loving relationship, not a commodity that you trade for money.

thecook · 27/07/2016 10:39

TinklyLittleLaugh

The reaction of women who have been brought up with self esteem and the opportunity to make your own choices

Utter middle class bollocks. I was brought up with self esteem and the opportunity to make my own choices. My parents were lecturers. Maybe I wanted to raise a quick £25k to put down as a deposit on a London mews house (1997 prices). ON MY OWN.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 27/07/2016 10:42

The cook

I can assure you my bollocks are working class.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 27/07/2016 10:54

Complete deal breaker for me, I would hate dh to deliberately do something that has a harmful effect on women.

You have told him you are unhappy, he has told you that you are silly, nice.

Whinyleonard · 27/07/2016 11:23

Absolutely blown away by Brazens post. I think people should put it in their pipe and smoke it.

Sallystyle · 27/07/2016 11:31

AF how many times on MN have you been accused of not liking sex or being sexually repressed now?

I know I've lost count Grin

Whinyleonard · 27/07/2016 11:36

AF thank you for being added to fight that kind of shit.

Its a bit like saying going to a dog fight was a bit of a laugh just because you got pissed and everyone was having fun. I don't mean comparing humans and dogs suffering, just the shitness of the event and the fun it's supposed to be and mainly the type of people who think it is fun.

Whinyleonard · 27/07/2016 11:37

Arsed not added. My phone is an arsehole.

AnyFucker · 27/07/2016 11:50

U2. Quite a lot Smile

AnyFucker · 27/07/2016 12:01

natsku like I have said several times, I have no beef with the strippers themselves

What I do take issue with is empty headed handmaidens twittering about how it's just a bit if fun especially if their only experience of it is from the other side of a shed load of vodka and not a lot of demonstrable critical thinking

FreshwaterSelkie · 27/07/2016 12:03

I'm another who would see my husband visiting a strip club as a potential deal breaker.

If he wanted to go himself, I would think less of him because I don't want to be with a man who sees women as objects for his sexual entertainment.
If he wanted to go because he was too much of a wimp to say to a group of mates that he doesn't, then I would think less of him because he was a) spineless and b) has horrid friends.
If he wanted to go because it was a laugh, I would think less of him because seeing women as sex objects for your entertainment is not a fucking joke.
If he thought it was boring, but still went anyway, I would think less of him because he was still going along with a crowd, and therefore a spineless wimp with horrid friends again.

There's no acceptable outcome for him, and he married me knowing this, and if anything, is even more down on strip clubs than I am. Not because he's a prude, but because he genuinely likes and respects women. and the thought of paying to see their tits HORRIFIES him.

I am also as far as far from a prude as can be - when I was at uni I worked at a bar in an area with a lot of strip clubs. We'd go to them after hours, and over beers as I wound down after a shift, I'd talk with the strippers. ALL of them had alcohol and drug problems. Every last one of them. The owner would pester me all the time to strip, and pointed out how I didn't have to be a poor student eating beans all the time, and it never once occurred to me to say yes, because I could see how dismal a life it was and how unhappy it made ALL of the strippers of my acquaintance. And they were not raking it in hand over fist. For a start, the drugs they took to numb themselves to what they were doing didn't come cheap.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/07/2016 12:38

I am also guessing a lot of the anti-camp probably do not think the same way about male strippers and would probably go to see dreamboys etc with friends on a night out

Can't speak for the others , but you are 100% wrong in my case.

AnyFucker · 27/07/2016 12:47

Nope, same here

And I have had the guts to say "thanks but no thanks" when it's been on the table

FreshwaterSelkie · 27/07/2016 12:51

Me three, I would rather stick pins in my eyes than go and see a male strip show. And I have been the one saying "no thanks, it's tacky and I don't want to" (and been accused of being a snob for it...and didn't care...)

witsender · 27/07/2016 12:53

All of what FreshwaterSelkie said. Every bit. I could never look at DH in the same light again, and would never go to see male strippers either. I've been asked to go to strips of both sexes and have always said no, and steered clear of the group's who obviously thought it was a 'cool' thing to do.

As a twenty something I was sick of being made out to be uptight, a prude, jealous, insecure, worried that 'my man' would see something he liked better and forever be comparing me unfavourably etc. I don't give a shit any more. Luckily I don't move in circles that do this sort of thing...DH went clay shooting for his stag, another friend when coasteering etc.

Sallystyle · 27/07/2016 12:57

Never seen male strippers, never would.

Brazenhussy0 · 27/07/2016 13:24

Going to see male strippers on a night out... no thanks. Sitting amidst screaming drunks while they woot hysterically at a naked man wiggling his bollocks about is entirely unappealing to me.

Natsku · 27/07/2016 13:28

Fair enough AnyFucker Just want people to acknowledge that some strippers genuinely like their job and I support their right to do that. Also support stricter controls and inspections on strip clubs. And bouncers that actually do their job and enforce 'no touching'.

SarcasmMode · 27/07/2016 13:41

Body AF but it seems to be some people's thoughts on this thread.

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