To think 17 and 43 is wrong?

[Beyinbonnet]

So a relation has started seeing a 17 year old (16 when started) they are now engaged, living together and she's pregnant!!! AIBU to think this is wrong?! All in the space of 7 month?!

I'm sorry but this just unsettles me!! I know it's not really my business but it's really got to me! Fair enough be seeing each other but FML!!!

I wouldn't judge, each to there own.

No judgement here. It's not my life, not my business.

I would have severe doubts about the motives of the 43 year old. I would wonder if he was, in fact a sad inadequate person who cannot find an adult woman to relate to.

I am sure there are a few exceptions to this, though.

Not my life so who am I to judge there relationship.

My parents have 25 years between them and I am sure many people judged when they got together but they have had a very good happy life together

urgh this is making me want to scrub myself with a brillo pad. Very grim indeed, what is the bloke thinking i actually dont want to know

It is legal but I couldn't imagine seeing it and I wouldn't really like it
But then again Aunts and uncle who when I was born were 50 and 30 .i thought it was a bit strange but never felt wrong to me

I've known a few people in similar relationships and if I'm honest, in all of them the younger woman had attachment/daddy issues.

There is a big difference between a teen and someone in their twenties. By 22, when I got married, I had finished uni, worked and lived on my own since I was 18. At 17 you haven't had the chance to do that yet and a much older adult should bloody well realise that

Oh and in one of the relationships the girl was 16 and pregnant to her 37 year old "fiance."..... Her parents were delighted as he was a "good provider"

Reverse the genders and I'm sure almost 100% of people would be appalled. I think there can only be one thing the older guy wants, what the hell can a 43 yo bloke have in common, mentally, with a 17 yo? And the PDA on your sofa,, OP, make me doubly suspicious. I work with 17 year olds and I just know what they'd all say about this. He could be the father. 17 YOs are not adults, regardless of class, not in this century.

Wrong on so many levels.

Legal or not, I'd resort to any measure to extricate one of my children from such a relationship.

I never looked at a man under 35 until I was in my late 20s. Maybe I had 'daddy issues', maybe I didn't. If my dd were to get involved with a much older man, I have no idea how I would stop her; anything I said against it would probably push her further towards him, that's how it usually goes.

We have a v good friend who is the son of a girl who was pg at 17 and married to man of 38 at the time. Our friend is now in his mid-30s and his parents are still v happily married. His mum is in her 50s and he is in his 70s.

I would totally judge the man. I would assume he is looking for someone more pliable, than a woman of his own age.
And there are no biological benefits. Older men can become fathers, but the older they get, the more the risks of disability increase.

Is it 'disgusting' or 'disturbing' because of the age gap or the fact she is only 17?

Because she is only 17 (16 when they got together and he was 42). Age gaps can work fine if the younger person is actually an adult when they get together.

EllenDegenerate

I'm not sure why you are taking offense at my statements. I'm not saying that people are negligent or wrong, just that in my opinion different communities held slightly differing views.

I was born in the early 80s and grew up in south Liverpool.

Dh has a family member who did similar. He was in his 40s (with a child in her early 20s) when he got together with his (now) wife - aged 17.

They got married a few years later, had a honeymoon baby (so him late forties, her early twenties, big sister 26) and to give them their due are still together and seem happy five years later.

We politely declined the wedding as neither of us were completely comfortable with the relationship and it felt wrong to accept their hospitality in that circumstance.

I think its wrong. Just because something isnt illegal doesnt make it ok.
Doesnt matter which way around the male female things is, it just isnt ok.
25 and 51 isnt so bad, even though its the same age gap, at least the younger of the two has had some minimal life experience.

You have been on other threads (particularly feminism boards) overly preoccupied with age and consent.
Where? Age and consent?
Like I said, it's weird, and I'd certainly look for signs of abuse, like I said.
Do you want to shrink me? Go ahead.

Be prepared to be a shoulder to cry on when it ends, which I fear sadly it will. I hope I am wrong for the child's sake.

Lweji And by the way, the didn't GET her pregnant. Unless he raped her. She got pregnant." There are such things as mental pressure, coercion, emotional abuse, exertion of power of a vulnerable person etc. Nobody knows the specifics of this particular situation but I wanted to point out that not all situations are as black and white as your statement makes them out to be.

smallthings

'Slightly differing views' indeed. Do you suppose that I can't read what you've previously posted?

Do yourself a favour and stop backtracking.

It's embarrassing.

Daisygarden

I agree it's not that simple, but it doesn't necessarily follow that he groomed her.

What the OP would need to do, if she's concerned, is to look at the relationship. She is also likely to know her relative

When age and consent were discussed, 16-18 were shown to be a grey area in many countries. The law allows for protection of the vulnerable, but also allows relationships at that age.
A teenager doesn't become an adult suddenly when they turn 18. Some are more mature than others, and for all we know this girl knows what she's doing.

I'm only 27 and find 17 year olds incredibly self absorbed and immature. I could not imagine a night out with one, never mind sharing my life as a romantic and sexual (boak) partner. They're just at such a different life stage to me.

I was nearly 19 when I got together with DH- there's nearly 5 years between us... the age gap was considered quite big then and even now there are some cultural things (Spice Girls, Pokemon) that we don't match up on. Just silly things, irrelevant when you share values and attitudes overall, but intrigued how a relationship with such an age gap got off the ground without small talk and shared interests

When i was 22 i was seeing a man who was 46. I found him incredibly sexy. I saw him for 2 years so i personally dont think its gross.

Dh is now 9 years older than me and hes the youngest bloke i ve ever really been with.

An family friend was 40 and living with his long-term girlfriend when he accidentally knocked-up a 19 year-old. So he promptly left his girlfriend and married the 19 year-old. There was a fair amount of confusion at the wedding as to who he was actually marrying and several of the cards and gifts were addressed to the wrong couple.

Against all odds, over 30 years and 6 children (including twins!) later this couple are still together. So, who's to judge?

EllenDegenerate

I'm not backtracking. Your strategy seems to be to continually insist that my statements are beyond the pale without actually making any arguments.

I pointed out my beliefs. If you have something to say, say it!