To think 17 and 43 is wrong?

[Beyinbonnet]

So a relation has started seeing a 17 year old (16 when started) they are now engaged, living together and she's pregnant!!! AIBU to think this is wrong?! All in the space of 7 month?!

I'm sorry but this just unsettles me!! I know it's not really my business but it's really got to me! Fair enough be seeing each other but FML!!!

The blokes my relative btw.. I don't know the girl Iv her a couple of times and the way they were going on sickened me 😷 Sitting on my sofa holding hands and kissing in front of me and my kids 😷 I honestly can't even bare to look at them.. I'm probably being unreasonable but can't help if I have morals.. It's wrong on so many levels

It could genuinely be true love. Nothing creepy or wrong about it if it is.
I don't have a big hang up about big age differences. When I was 17 I went out with a 37 year old. Because I fancied him and visa versa. End of. We got on well, had similar interests. Lasted about a year.....he was a bit of an arse that drank too much.
I have encountered a 45 yo creepy guy, dating a 17 year old who I overheard him bragging to friends at bar about "being given a blank sheet of paper." Now THAT'S wrong.

I might be way out of line here, but as MrsD said, these types of men often want someone even younger. I'd be concerned for the welfare of the child they're bringing into the world.

Yes it's legal but that doesn't stop it being gross.

I had a similar age gap with my DP, had my first baby at 18.

We were happy for 22 years, until I was Widowed (he got Cancer).

Now I'm 48 and my DDs are all past the age I was, but two around the same age, it has changed my perspective.

I wouldn't regret my first DD, but I do wonder why my DH thought it was a good idea to get me pregnant. I was a teenager in love, I wanted the romantic set up.

I don't doubt he loved me, but in the early days, thinking about it, it was very selfish of him. I should have been encouraged into education etc.

I didn't want mad holidays, drinking etc, so I was right to persue the relationship, we were very happily married.

That was the mid 80's, it does compare to the Opportunities and Choices available now.

Wauden Sat 23-Jul-16 11:20:10
A teenager who met him when she was 16 - or maybe 15? - just a bit after legal sex - and a middle aged man is wrong. Its just short of illegal, I don't care if anyone disagrees. In plain sight he is a paedo

A paedo? No, he's not. He might be a lot of things, mostly unpleasant, but he's not a 'paedo'. At 15/16 she is NOT pre-pubescent.

Soupersal - plenty of men in own age bracket are steady and dependable. Most of the steady and dependable men I know in the 35-45 age bracket are in existing, long term steady relationships not scouting about for 17 year olds.

Also, if men look for younger but by "younger" they mean 17 year olds as their benchmark then what happens when the once 17 year old reaches 28? To someone who likes 17 year olds, 28 is old (relatively).

Haven't read the whole of this thread, but a person I know quite well has had a very long relationship with a girl. He was 30 when it started, she 17...its 10 years on now and they're still together...it's always felt a bit odd to say the least.... more so that I think he's just very immature than anything untoward iyswim.

SouperSal, actually you can't fight for your country at 16 (assuming your country is the UK). You can join the military, you can train to fight for your country, you can perform in your trade but you can't be deployed to fight until 18. There's also slightly different rules about leaving for the under 18 military personnel.

It's gross and I would seriously question what a 43 year old feels he has in common with a very, very young girl. Also, these types of relationships rarely work out and sadly, often there is a high level of controlling behaviour from the older partner. By getting her pregnant at 17, he is denying her educational opportunities that she might otherwise have pursued. I would hope that a 43 year old man, even if he did have strong feelings for a 16 year old, could put those to one side, realise that she is too young and that maybe in 5 years time, it would be a different story.

I have read a few interviews with former child-brides (of the 'I ran off with my 50 year old neighbour type'). Once they grow up a bit and develop independence of thought, the relationship cannot really survive. It is of course possible to have successful age gap relationships, but generally they start when the younger party is at least in his/her 20's. A 16/17 year old is legally a child, even though sex is legal.

It's legal yes, but I'd have to question the character of the man. In fact I'd say he sounds like a perve. Why can't he relate to women of his own age? Well not even his own age, it wouldn't be so much of an issue if the girl in question was 25, but 17 is little more than a child.

I know someone here who did this - the marriage didn't last. But there was no child from it either - she left him before that happened. She basically married the older man to get away from her mum, we think - but after a year or so, she left him and instead got together with someone much much closer to her own age.

Whats his relationship history?

Did they say if the pregnancy was planned?

Does he have other children?

For me it is a bit but if she is happy at the moment then live and let live.

I was a simular age when I went out with someone almost 10 yes older.
Now that I am their age when we had got together I couldn't imagine having any interest in someone so young.
That rl was wrong on so many levels but I don't want to project..

There's a point of maturity that doesn't come until middle 20's and I feel anyone much older than someone under twenty at a guess has a certain advantage over them.
It doesn't sit well with me.

It's not illegal but it smacks of grooming.

I'd guess it's obvious what the 43 year man is thinking .

Appalling that a 43 year old man thinks it acceptable to get such a young woman pregnant before she has even had a chance at life/job/career independence.

Iv never known him to have a relationship in the 7 years I have knew him his not got any other kids.. His had woman but not a relationship!

I don't care if it's legal, it's disgusting.

Nope not ok at all in my opinion. The idea of a man of a man of 43 having his hands all over a 17 year old repulses me. I'm 43, I have a 17 year old niece, she thinks she's grown up and worldly wise but you only have to look at her posts on Facebook to realise she's not! He could easily be her father! This just conjures up images of an ageing man perving over the young lithe body of a woman 'just' entering young adulthood! yuk!

The more I think about it eeeeeeeew! She's only just legal and he's 43!! And got her pregnant! How irresponsible when she's so young.

It maybe legal but find it repulsive. What could you possibly have in common with a 17 year old. I'm 44 and teenagers annoy the hell out of me - my own included. Women of his own age are obviously a challenge that he can't conquer

Imagine teaching them all the references to your past - exhausting!

I dont know if she was a little bit older say early 20,s i wouldnt have an issue but then a lot of people mature a lot from 17 to early 20,s ,17.is very young and yes its very irresponsible of them both but paticularly him to get pregnant .I,m nearly 43 and i would have absolutly nothing in common with a 17 yr old i would feel quite parental towards them.