To think 17 and 43 is wrong?

[Beyinbonnet]

So a relation has started seeing a 17 year old (16 when started) they are now engaged, living together and she's pregnant!!! AIBU to think this is wrong?! All in the space of 7 month?!

I'm sorry but this just unsettles me!! I know it's not really my business but it's really got to me! Fair enough be seeing each other but FML!!!

This relationship is not likely to be the best thing for the girl at this age though. She is very young.

Shes still a child in so many ways despite it being legal

I'm a 41 year old single woman, I have a son who is 17. The very notion of entering into a relationship with one of his pals is just absurd. They are barely out of nappies!
It might be legal, it might be none of my business what anyone else does but that would not stop me going "eeuuuwwww! NO!" at the thought of it.
Why would you?
Is he having a mid life crisis?
He is obviously not a catch if a barely legal teen is his best option.
Mucky.

What MrsDVsaid.

Legal does not equal right or moral. (Sadly)

That's just creepy isn't it. I knew a girl my age who at 17 got with a guy 35yrs older than her and it always creeped me the fuck out, nothing illegal though. Each to their own but not for me.

Add message | Report | Message poster OrchidsAndLace Sun 24-Jul-16 22:48:10
There is probably more wrong with people who are 'disgusted' about this than there is with the couple involved.

Agreed.

Threads filled with outrage about other people's completely harmless life choices fascinate me in a morbid kind of way - I honestly can't fathom the mentality of people who have such strong negative reactions to people having what sounds like a happy relationship and who aren't hurting a fly

Disagreed.
The age of consent is a guideline for the law to be able to determine what is right or wrong at a very basic level.
For an adult (and forty something is old enough to be classed as one) to enter into a sexual relationship with a just-legal child is sordid and morally wrong. The fact that he has now inflicted parenthood on that child takes it to a whole other level.
Its awful behaviour.

The fact that he has now inflicted parenthood on that child takes it to a whole other level.

So if a 17/18/19/20 year old had "inflicted parenthood" on her that would be okay?

Maybe at 43 he should be old enough to know better.

No, it wouldn't but then they are barely adults either, still making mistakes and finding their way in life.
This man is 43. He is old enough to know better.
As I said in my first post, he is my age and I would consider it morally wrong for me to do what he has done.

Precisely CecilyP.

Perhaps he has a stable career, savings, is less likely to be disappearing on her anytime soon than a 17/18/19 year old. He seems to be carrying the risk that she will "grow up" and away from him.

Perhaps he has a career has got nothing to do with it. She is a barely legal child and he is an adult. It's like incest; they might both be up for it but it doesn't make it morally right.

I would be gutted too if this was my family or a friend. It's all very well to say that everything about it is legal and it's good to keep an open mind about things, but not so open that your brains fall out. When I was at school there were loads of girls having flings with teachers and other older blokes, none of the relationships surviving very long. It was seen as very 'adult' (an oxymoron if ever there was) to have an older bloke interested in you. One girl who was in my lass at school married her older bloke as soon as he could divorce his first wife. That marriage failed as did his both of his subsequent marriages and a live-in relationship, all with girls under 18 when they got together. He was either a pathetic wedding cake addict, a loser or just a dirty old man.

Here is what is wrong with your argument SouperSal.
Jimmy Saville, millionaire, more than capable of giving financial security to a young girl he got up the duff during his years of abusing and taking advantage of young women.
You ok with what he did? SIR Jimmy Saville?

It is a big gap but then so is mine, which is seventeen years, we met when i was 19 and fell pregnant pretty quickly. Three years later and its working for us, see how it goes then judge but it would throw me at first too.

Of course I'm not okay with what Jimmy Saville did! I wouldn't put what he did anywhere near the scenarios many, many people have described in this thread.

Yes because two people of legal age having a consenting and, from OP's account, happy relationship, is exactly the same as Jimmy Savile molesting five year olds and sexually assaulting hospice patients. Just when you thought the arguments couldn't get any sillier than "ew that's just gross" 😂

But you were 19 Psycho not 16. At that age 3 years makes a lot of difference.

If the 17yo was me (thinking how I felt when I was 17!) I'd not think twice about having an older partner but as a 38yo mother of 3, one of them being 16yo ds1 I must admit I would not be happy!

The other day when I was on holiday I was stood next to a young girl who I'd quickly gauged as being approx 14-16yo, when a man who I'd say was late 40's - early 50's, came through a door and put his arm around the girl (his arm went across her shoulder and under the opposite arm) and at first I thought it was a dad with his dd until she held him the same way and a bit later I saw them holding hands with interlocking fingers. I was a lot bit just because she looked so young but I suppose she could have been 16+ seeing as they were out in public and looked comfortable around each other and as though they'd held each other before.

Generally age gaps don't bother me but I think it's when someone is just say legal that something feels a bit...I don't know...off?!

There is probably more wrong with people who are 'disgusted' about this than there is with the couple involved.

You honestly think there is something wrong with someone who expresses reservations about a 43 year old having sex and impregnating a 17 year old?

And that this person is more "wrong" than the 43 year old.

Your standards/ethics and everything else are absolutely skewed and wrong.

I have a 16 year old daughter (and a 19 year old son). If either of them were entering into a long term relationship (which is kind of what happens if you get pregnant) with a 43 year old - of any sex- I'd be certainly disgusted.

Many people have given examples of their completely different relationship - a 22 year old having sex with a 55 year old has absolutely nothing to do with a girl, just out of childhood entering into a committed relationship ( like having a baby with) with a middle aged man.

Feeling sad reading this thread how many people would be willing to let a 17 year old just float off into being a mother, rearing a child and tied to a middle aged man. "don't judge, can't do anything, her life, who is to judge, it is legal" Awful washing of hands.

He's a creepy, irresponsible, innapropriate selfish man who if he was decent - would have left her alone and not even seriously thought of going there.

Oy, Less of the middle aged man please. 43 is not middle aged.

Um, given the average lifespan of the human male is 68 and a half... 43 is well BEYOND middle age!

I had a relationship with a bloke in his mid 40s when I was 18.

Frankly, I was his intellectual superior on many levels and I ended the relationship because the sex was poor (unimaginative, boring) and the bloke himself despite being well travelled and well off, was in fact also MASSIVELY boring.

On an emotional level we were pretty similar (both a bit sad and needy to be brutally honest) but I couldn't handle such a boring person who didn't want to try out new things or go to new places - not everyone in their mid 40s has done all the exciting things there are to do but he clearly had.

He was a nice fella though, kind and thoughtful, and even with the benefit of hindsight and a lot more life experience than I had then, he wasn't a perve or a weirdo.

These huge age gaps can work out, where hte younger party is emotionally and mentally incredibly mature for their age and has learned a lot... and the older party very young at heart and of course, both people on a similar level intellectually and ambition/lifestyle wise..

But sadly id say it is more common that theres a big imbalance of power and experience :(

She can't drink nor drive, legally.

She can't even go to certain movies without adult accompaniment.

I'm struggling to see how either of them are getting anything other than sex out of this.

Even then, much less once the baby's born...

So from what ive gathered reading some more of the later comments, because he is older he forced the pregnancy onto her, is that because at 17 she doesnt know what a penis will do once it enters her vagina? Did ahe think babies came from the stalk? She opened her legs just as much as he may not have covered it he is not the only one to blame for her being pregnant. What if they planned their child.