AIBU to expect a thank you for teacher gifts?

[katydid2]

Today is my son's last day at the nursery school where he has spent the past three years. Last week, I gave his teacher what I thought was a very generous thank you gift: a silver-plated picture frame, a voucher for a manicure and pedicure at an expensive spa near the school, and a heartfelt written note with a picture my son drew. I also gave the head teacher an expensive bottle of champagne and a Diptyque candle.

As it's my son's last year, I wanted to give the other teachers and teaching assistants a little gift as well, so I gave them each a goody bag filled with good chocolates, nice hand cream, and a card my son signed. I realised that my gifts were perhaps not the most original or exciting, but I wanted to give each teacher a little something.

Out of the 10 people to whom I gave gifts, two thanked me. The others, including my son's teacher and head teacher, have said not one single word. I don't expect a parade or applause, but a simple thank you would be nice. I don't even expect a hand-written thank-you note (though I always write them), but again some sort of acknowledgement would be nice.

We do live in a very affluent area, but we are not rich. I am a SAHM, we are saving to buy a house, and we spend most of our disposable income on our children's education. Perhaps the teachers are accustomed to getting more expensive gifts and were disappointed with my gifts!? I am genuinely baffled, bemused befuddled, and if I'm honest, very hurt. Am I being too sensitive?

I am not understanding how you left the gifts in the staff room this morning and then started a thread just mere hours later bemoaning the lack of thanks?

God I apologise. I see you gave the gifts last week!

Crunchy she gave/left the gifts last week.
I am also wondering how she gained access to the staffroom

I can understand the teacher/teaching assistant gifts as these people have had a immediate impact in your child's schooling but a headteacher? That's just brown-nosing surely?

Roses are the superior chocolates. Everyone knows Cadbury's rocks. Even if they did move their factory to Poland and changed the shape of the bars to make them 0.5% smaller. They're still scrummy.

A verbal thank is definitely expected as it is good manners and teachers should be good role models.

Late to the thread but yabu. It sounds like you expect the head to individually thank every single school parent without missing anyone which would just be impossible.
And of course the teachers will have thanked your son - they wouldn't have just taken the gift off him and said nothing!

What a ridiculous amount to spend on a gift!

Pestilence13610, I think this is a private nursery/pre-school so those rules will not apply. They probably can accept gifts.

If this is the level of spending at nursery, I assume it will be a holiday abroad or a car when it gets to secondary school...

The most I bought at nursery was a tin of chocs for all the staff.

i used to teach and tried to thank parents personally if I managed to catch them in the playground / classroom, tc. However, I probably missed a few or forgot who sent me what. Teaching is so full-on that I'd open my bag at the end of the day and to my surprise, find my lunch in there. I would be completely unaware that I'd been running around so much getting things prepared that I hadn't even eaten lunch that day.
The teacher probably said 'thank you' to your child when they handed it over to them.
It sounds like you went out of your way to get a really nice gift, and because of that, you were looking for a 'thank you' and some recognition. I don't think gift-giving should be about that. If you are sincerely pleased and grateful about the learning your child recieved and wanted to thank the teacher with a gift, I'd imagine you'd hand it over and, job done. It's about you thanking them, not them thanking you.

I write thank you notes to every child who sends me a card or gift at the end of term. They don't ever get sent out til September (unless I know the family personally) so don't be so certain your gifts have been ignored without thanks.

Sorry you're feeling disheartened OP. It sounds as though you felt pressure to give similar gifts to other parents in your son's class. As a teacher myself I think it's a shame that it gets like that, especially when people can't afford much. You clearly were very generous and put a lot of effort into it so I do understand feeling a bit miffed by lack of acknowledgement.

My school is in a pretty poor area, on a council estate, and I dont 'expect' gifts but still receive quite a lot. I do appreciate them all but it's the sentiment behind them rather than the value (for obvious reasons mine are usually lowish value gifts).

If I see the parent I thank them, but always thank the child when they hand me something. Obviously I try to be discreet so as not to guilt trip children who didn't give a gift.

Please don't feel you have to spend anything like as much next year, it really is the thought that counts- even a heartfelt card alone is lovely.

thisis Most private schools operate a similar rule. For tax reasons and as part of safeguarding.

That is the most lavish use of the word expensive in one OP that I've ever seen.

If you left them in the staffroom, are you sure they've even opened them? After all, the head must have a bootful of champagne and chocolates if you're all at it. Have you even seen her since?

The head of DS's school was standing on the gate at the end of term today with several ostentatious bouquets of flowers and bags of gifts.

I can't ever imagine buying her a present. She earns about £200k/year plus a generous pension. I think that's adequate compensation, I don't feel inclined to buy her presents as well.

Cadburys has gone down since the Americans took it over. Also the fruit cremes are skank. It's better to have toffees left over than orange cremes to eat on a desperate chocolate day

That's rude. I wouldn't be happy.

waits to read a lot of bollocks about not expecting a thank you as its a gift

Competitive gift giving by parents fucks me off honestly.

Exactly Mamamea - and then to come on here whining about the lack of an individual thank you, when the child was presumably thanked anyway, is just pathetic. If you can't give graciously, don't give at all, OP! If you really did spend what you claim to, you should have done so gladly, not with the expectation of a huge fanfare of thank yous . Sorry to disappoint, but the teachers probably don't even know who you are.

Wow. Well you now know not to bother with gifts again.

As a mother with a child about to start school I think this frankly ridiculous new fad of buying stupid gifts for teachers needs to be stopped. No one buys me a gift, or the petrol station guy or the check out guy in the supermarket. These people are paid a decent wage. And then low and behold Christmas comes and they get 30 mismatching picture frames and bits of tat and people pay a fortune for!!!!

But you tip taxi drivers, hairdressers, waiters/waitresses etc? It is funny why we do that for certain people. Teachers are a regular person in your life so a gift here and there like the old days of something for the postman/milkman at Xmas.

Ive name changed as don't want to be identified but I'm in split minds over this one.
I work in a very affluent prep school where very generous gifts are given. To those of you saying about having to declare gifts, we have a policy that states all gifts over £100 in value must be declared. That is however per gift so it is possible for teachers to take home several hundred pounds worth of gifts without declaring.
I am overwhelmed at the end of every year at the generosity of some of our parents. When we finished schoo a few weeks ago I probably received £300+ worth of gifts varying from bottles of wine and boxes of Maltesers to high value gift vouchers and jewellery. (That really is not a stealth boast before anyone accuses me.) I hand wrote thank you cards and posted thank you cards to all of them, I think if you feel it is appropriate to thank people you thank them regardless of the value of the gift.
Those of you accusing the OP of brown nosing I really do think that is a bit harsh. Some of the most generous gifts I received were from the children leaving the school. I didn't consider these to be anything more than a token of appreciation of the influence I've had over their children over the last 5 years (I work across year groups).
Someone earlier on this thread mentioned how accessing addresses through a school data base could be seen as a breech of the DPA. There was a huge thread about this last year. I chose to take the risk, I see this information on numerous occasions throughout the year and knowing my parents was confident none of them were concerned that I was using their data for reasons other than that for which it was supplied!

But this is Nursery! It isn't the end of prep school, primary school or secondary.