AIBU to expect a thank you for teacher gifts?

[katydid2]

Today is my son's last day at the nursery school where he has spent the past three years. Last week, I gave his teacher what I thought was a very generous thank you gift: a silver-plated picture frame, a voucher for a manicure and pedicure at an expensive spa near the school, and a heartfelt written note with a picture my son drew. I also gave the head teacher an expensive bottle of champagne and a Diptyque candle.

As it's my son's last year, I wanted to give the other teachers and teaching assistants a little gift as well, so I gave them each a goody bag filled with good chocolates, nice hand cream, and a card my son signed. I realised that my gifts were perhaps not the most original or exciting, but I wanted to give each teacher a little something.

Out of the 10 people to whom I gave gifts, two thanked me. The others, including my son's teacher and head teacher, have said not one single word. I don't expect a parade or applause, but a simple thank you would be nice. I don't even expect a hand-written thank-you note (though I always write them), but again some sort of acknowledgement would be nice.

We do live in a very affluent area, but we are not rich. I am a SAHM, we are saving to buy a house, and we spend most of our disposable income on our children's education. Perhaps the teachers are accustomed to getting more expensive gifts and were disappointed with my gifts!? I am genuinely baffled, bemused befuddled, and if I'm honest, very hurt. Am I being too sensitive?

We tip hairdressers, taxi drivers and waiting staff because they get paid a shitty wage. Teachers are professionals and some head teachers are on a six figure salary. This is more about the parents trying to outdo each other.

However, OP, as lavish gift-giving is the norm at this school, I suspect that the teachers will at some point write thank you cards but have not gotten around it it yet. They probably do this every year. I gave a christening gift a few months back and it took 4 weeks for the thank you card. I wasn't expecting one but was very happy when I got it. But basically, you do have to give people some time.

Ok, sorry if this sounds harsh....
That is v generous (overly generous I think) gift. Yes you are grateful but as a fellow parent I don't think generosity is necessary.

Also, they would have thanked your child already.

Teachers are still busy at the end of the sch year; she may not have opened it? She may have had so many ridic over sized gifts she can't rem who gave her what.

I my child was in the same class I would feel inadequate in comparison :(

I would like at least a verbal thank you for a present, though not necessarily a written letter (don't teachers have enough admin to do throughout the school year?!).
Having said that, I think YABU to expect a thank you letter so soon. At Christmas our class clubbed together to buy teacher some vouchers. She replied by letter to each child so we didn't receive the notes until after the holidays. Give the teacher some time!

ultraviolet - it most certainly is a new thing round these parts.

Just because you did this in the 90s wherever you lived doesn't mean it happened everywhere.

Yes, some teachers may have got the odd card etc. In Primary from a grateful parent but it was not commonplace back then.

YaBU. Firstly for buying such luxury gifts. Secondly for assuming that the teacher on the last day of term has had chance to open your gift. They get that many gifts it's like a wedding day! Most are opened later

I'm actually really glad that us secondary teachers don't get many gifts - I'd hate to think I had to sit down and write a bunch of thank you letters for unsolicited gifts.

As I said, when I do get anything from a pupil I thank them - at the time.

I actually don't like getting actual gifts (cards or notes are lovely though) as it makes me uncomfortable because I'm just doing my job!

Oops - way to many "actually/actual X" in there

Bonkers present from you, way OTT. I got chocolates, candles, bath stuff, wine. A manicure/pedicure is too personal and expensive.

I'm a teacher and always write thank you letters to the children who have given me gifts. It's not hard to keep a list of who has given what as you open presents. When I went on maternity leave, the parents in my class organised a collection for me and I sent the children a thank you letter with a picture of DS. Lots of my children still come up to me to tell me about how much they liked getting the letter and the picture. It's just good manners and something that we, as teachers, should be modelling.

The ostentatious gift giving is just silly OP. What are you trying to prove? I understand a token for the class teacher, but the headteacher is ridiculous.

What is the relevance of the cost of your presents to this? I can only presume that you believe that someone like you who can afford extravagant gifts is more worthy of a 'thank you' than someone who's purchased something more reasonable.... Utterly crass.

And what is the expensive bottle of champagne.... Presumably £50+, so with the overpriced bit of wax, that's £100 or so... More than I spend on each of my children for Christmas!

How did you get into the school let alone the staff room to leave gifts? Turn up at reception, sign in, stating reason to leave gifts, know where the staff room is, sign out ...

This is actually all so crazy, surely this is a wind-up thread... The Ops probably pissing themselves laughing in satisfaction at the storm she's created!

As a teacher l find it difficult to say thanks privately to parents for gifts. There are always other parents around and l would feel that mentioning gifts makes it feel like l want some. I actually prefer no gifts as it's really awkward. I would of course thank the children but if they're classmates are there l don't want them to feel out as have no gift for me. The whole thing makes me squirm. Love handwritten notes and cards specially homemade ones.
As for people saying this is new l started teaching in the 80s and got more gifts then. It seemed more exciting as candles and stuff were a sort of novelty then. Book tokens were always my favourite. First day of holidays down to the bookshop delighted with myself. Now we all have kindles.

Rousette,
Yes exactly. It's only NURSERY!!!

rolls eyes

I think you were over generous. Teachers, nursery and others are paid to do a job. I am a nurse and commonly patients give us thank you gifts. These are generally chocolates or biscuits shared by the whole ward/department, the night staff being left the ones nobody else likes! The point is though, we are paid to do a job and don't expect gifts. A simple "thank you nurse" is good enough and appreciated. I feel fairly certain that if a child were to thank a teacher verbally it would be appreciated as much, or more, than over expensive gifts that the child has obviously not bought with their own pocket money.

If any teachers do find a voucher for any spa treatments too personal for a gift I am happy to take it off your hands

I'd expect a verbal 'thanks' (or 'you shouldn't have') from the teacher to the gift-giver, assuming gift was given in person. But I wouldn't expect further thanking - the gift itself is being given in thanks, isnt it?
A follow-up thank-you for a thank-you seems a bit OTT ... therein lies the path to maddness ...

You have zero chill.

I'm sure they will email or post a thank you to your family shortly.

I try and say thank you verbally. I then email and post a thank you card to each child within a week of finishing for Christmas/Summer. It's modelling good manners and showing your appreciation.

My friend once bought an expensive bottle of champagne for her daughter's Head and he never acknowledged it in any way. That's the last gift he's likely to receive from them!

Incidentally, I give little gifts to the children at Christmas and in the summer and I rarely get thank yous (verbal or written!)

Did your son get a gift from the staff and did you say thank you?!

Someone upthread said that she MAKES thank you cards to thank people for gifts they've given to her HUSBAND (not her) while he drinks and watches sport on tv. Words fail me!

I think they are bloody rude and don't know why you are getting such a thrashing.

I am a primary teacher. We always thank the parents and children, usually via e-mails as that is the quickest and easiest way when we are so busy. It takes a few minutes.

some head teachers are on a six figure salary

I can assure you that the number of primary heads who are on a 6 figure salary is minute- some who run academy trust but really a handful.

I appoint a lot of heads - all over the country. £50,000 to £65,000 is the main range

Teachers ay thank-you when the gift is given. I personally think that is enough. You also end up with lots of gifts with no tags- especially if the children insist that you unwrap them