To think my childrens school is not thinking of the working parent. To the detriment of the child?

[SayHelloToYourNewLUHuvahh]

At the end of every term and half term, so every 6 weeks, the school has a 'parents open afternoon' so the school opens its gates at 2.30pm and you can go and see their work at 2.45.

School would usually finish at 3.15.

My kids get picked up by a childminder who has several other children to pick up.

I got all my children's work home today and in bother their learning journals was a photo of them (separate classes, separate year groups) in their class with their work laid out in front of them, next to all their friends and all their friends parents looking at their friends work and them say there with an empty space.

It makes my stomach turn with guilt just typing that.

I asked a friend to look through my boys work as she passed just so someone looked, but she has 2 kids of her own so I doubt she'd have had min chance and it's not really the point.

Am I being precious?

Ah well. In the bigger scheme of things, is it really that important? Trust me, your child will just be thinking "Mum/Dad couldn't come because they are at work" not "Mum/Dad don't care about me". Are the parent/teacher interviews at night?

I haven't read the whole thread but this is why I worked locally when my dc were at school. I was,extremely privilege not to have to go back to work for the money and to have the choice.

I agree with the OP. Especially when this is on top probably of sports day, Christmas concert in the afternoon, parents' evening that starts,at 4 and ends at 7, class assembly, etc. I do think schools could be more flexible, or example, with an early bird session starting at 7.45 for the dc whose parents both work - after all the teachers are so overworked they are all in at 7 in any event

Between us we have not missed any of DS's in school events this year. It is possible- it just has to be part of the culture of the school. The other SLT at my school also go and see their children's plays etc, it's just something that we do for each other.

Interesting that you only refer to members of the SLT having this facility, SisterViktorine - how about the other teachers? And whilst you are happily doing this "for each other" can you really be sure your pupils aren't losing out? With the best will in the world, if pupils are coming up to important exams and they miss a session with the person who has been teaching them all year, it's not something another teacher can realistically cover for properly.

"And all the sanctimonious twerps saying you've got kids just take leave, poor children etc: have a biscuit until such time as mn brings in the middle finger emoticon."
I'm not generally a rude person but his made me laugh out!

If you can't go, you can't go! Arrange to see your children's work another time. Schools have to do these things sometimes. If you can go (and want to-I don't sometimes) then go and look at your children's work. 9 times out of 10 they won't be bothered if you go or not!

I think, on the whole, YABU. Just because some of the working parents can't make it, doesn't mean that everyone else should miss out. And those who can't make it shouldn't feel guilty (easier said than done, I know)

What would help though is for schools to give plenty of notice, and maybe shift the times around a bit.

Our primary holds open classrooms once a term, but they are at 3.15 when the children have finished for the day. This means that children come out, those that have a parent/childminder who has time to pop back in can do so. Children who's parents can't attend go straight home, so they don't have to sit in a classroom, feeling bad because their mum or dad couldn't come. And no-one is allowed (or needs) to look at another child's work.

and so, the consensus seems to be:

because of: single parents, teachers, and people with very inflexible work- schools should not do these events

even though SAHP, parents with annual leave, parents that work PT can attend them

is that right?

and for the record, I am FT, and I cannot and will not attend everything, and that's OK! 2 events per year is better than nothing

YANBU and don't bother feeling guilty about it. Most of these things are busy work and wife work and they'll have no intrinsic value for your child tbh and just serves to put more pressure on parents.

Your child will still bring home all their work at the end of term. You have a proper conversation with your DC then.

I bend over backwards to go to the important things - award assemblies that kind of thing. But generic busy work is not something I'm going to bother with.

I would complain loudly about the photo. They don't need to make a point of children who may have "missed out".

In my experience those open afternoons are deadly and I'd rather see the dentist than attend. As a SAHM I used to try to get out of them or leave ASAP.
The only thing worse were "family learning" afternoons where you were supposed to go in and help your child with learning activities. She hated it and so did I.

You should be able to look through books at the normal parent consultations. And that is enough.

The ones that upset me were "Grandparent teas". My DCs only grandparents lived 200 miles away and weren't in great health, it just seemed to emphasis this for my poor kids.

Personally I'm glad there are so many events at my DD's school as it gives me the chance to attend a few of them. I'm a teacher and work PT. I can't get time off on my working days to attend school events. I've never been to Sports Day and probably never will get there as it is always on the same day of the week. DD knows I can't go to her events on a work day and accepts that.

I don't expect people to go to everything I organise either but I try to vary the times (sometimes 9am, sometimes around lunchtime, sometimes end of the day) to give as many people as possible a chance to attend something.

I feel incredibly lucky that my current job is very flexible and I can work from home if needs be and pop out to these random events (that my DD's school always start at 10.30 bloody am ), yes I have to make up the hours but it's still a great 'unofficial' benefit.

My previous role wasn't this flexible, luckily I was only there for the first 5 months of her starting school before I went on maternity leave then took redundancy and am here.

There are not many working mums at my DD's school, she would be one of very few children whose parents couldn't attend events so I really do have sympathies OP. I wish schools considered the fact that there are some children who have both parents in full time jobs, and that not everyone works locally either.

and so, the consensus seems to be:
because of: single parents, teachers, and people with very inflexible work- schools should not do these events

I think the point is that the school shouldn't do almost entirely pointless events like this that really have very little to do with engaging with parents and everything to do with appeasing Ofsted. Neither parents nor children realistically derive any benefit from this and it just wastes both the teachers' and the children's time.

I work in a school, and it is the expectation to be an outstanding school that you do these type of open afternoons/joint activities for parents to attend.

Primary school age, at least up to yr4, the children are picked up by someone, so it makes sense to have it at the end of the day.

We appreciate that parents work, but children usually join with a friend and their parents and work together, or for younger children a TA will have a group.

We also get dads, especially for forest schools stuff.

Same as you OP-me and my DH are both teachers but in Secondary School. Out Parents Evenings/Concerts/Open Evenings are always till 8pm or just over. Not sure why Primary can't do the same every now and then it once a year even but they generally don't so I have long accepted that DH and I generally miss out on most things (but then, to be fair, we did know that before having DD)

It does, however, suck OP

I think yabu.
It's a time where if you can, you can go and view what the kids have been up to.
I think the photo is just to show you what they've been up to, not an underhand guilt trip thing.
It's not fair on workers but you could say schools closing at 3.15 isn't fair on workers.
I'm not able to work due to my sons disabilities. I go to everything because I have to. About 5-10 parents show up for the 65 children in year 1. (Unless it's a school play-then there's more) the children know me and my son very well and I make an effort to look at every childs piece of work, help every child if it's a crafting afternoon.
My point is, you are not in the minority at all and the parents who will be there will be trying to include all the children.
I'm sure you've told them why you can't go and I'm sure they understand and I've had mummy is looking after baby brother, daddy had to play football as well as mummy/daddy has to work.
I think you're having a mum guilt moment and need to remember everything you do is for your kids. (If it makes you feel any better I have mum guilt that I can attend everything so am not instilling a good work ethic in my son )

Mothalert, neither am I normally, I promise

The total failure of some to grasp the basic realities of life as a double job household with ten weeks leave (at least one of which you might want to spend as a family!), and 14 weeks of school holiday to cover just got my goat rather.

And i say that as someone with a family friendly job and supportive boss. It's still difficult but we do our best. If you can't get to everything it's not a moral failing...

i am not buying the idea that it's better for the small ones to have to learn that their p and gp have to prioritize work - they already have to be left in holiday club, after school club etc. They really should reduce the nbr of events for the under 7s. Yes while my DC's emotions are my responsibility, as a working parent who misses these events you've got no camera to see how your child is affected, whether another kind parent took an interest or not. I agree for older children it's appropriate for them to understand that bill paying etc is important. I feel like I'm always telling my DC the long list of things mummy pays when she's foot dragging about various things. She's asked me why x, y, z's mummy doesn't work and it's hard because she can see that they have all the same sparkly stuff and x also lives in a nice place etc.

And whilst you are happily doing this "for each other" can you really be sure your pupils aren't losing out?

I have a class and yes, I am confident their learning will not be forfeited because I am out for 2hrs 2-3 times a year. They can be taught by the PE specialist or MFL teacher or music teacher, all of whom do a damn sight better job than I do of those subjects.

But late to this thread but I'm going to say YANBU.

I have just missed out on an opportunity to go for a great job because it would have meant missing this sort of thing regularly. They have open afternoons once a term now, instead of once a year, and I would probably have missed two out of three. Ah well.

I have always worked ft in a job that meant attending these things wasn't easy. My 3 dc are now older teenagers so I have the benefit of a longer term perspective of the impact on them.

I tried to work out which events mattered most, I called in favours from colleagues and family and friends. Most of all I talked honestly to the dc about what I could and couldn't come to. I refused to feel guilty especially after attending one such event where I noticed a big group of mums simply talking and socialising with each other and not with their dc. I acknowledged that they may be disappointed but I hope even at 5 or 6 they were able to understand that because I wasn't there didn't mean I didn't care, didn't mean their work was any less important than their friends etc.

Now 10 years on I reckon none of this really matters, there are hundreds of ways to be a great parent. Attending everything at school is only one of them.

Neither parents nor children realistically derive any benefit from this and it just wastes both the teachers' and the children's time

I totally disagree with this statement. Both myself and my child got a great deal of benefit from these open classroom events. I got to view my child's work fairly regularly, and the teacher was available for me to chat to with regard to any concerns. My child was so proud to show me her work. I got to know the teachers better than I might have otherwise, which can only be a good thing,

I'm sure these events are just a 'Ofsted tick box' event, but there are benefits. And it's probably easier for teachers to have a set time for lots of parents to come in, rather than random times.

I accept it is very difficult for working parents, but that doesn't mean that schools shouldn't offer these events for those who can attend. None are compulsory, and surely offering lots of events means that the majority of parents can get to at least one or two.

Our school does exactly the open afternoons described by the OP, usually once per term.
The difference is that the school is open 2pm-6pm. Some working parents have to leave work a little early, and not all parents can make all the open sessions. But I think the school is trying their best to be welcoming.

The reason I don't think it's beneficial is that there are plenty of opportunities to see children's books anyway without having to troop in on a designated afternoon. Likewise I don't think there's a massive benefit in possibly have a chat to the teacher in a busy classroom with all the children milling around, plus having to take your turn with all the other parents in what is often only a half hour slot. If I have concerns about my children I would rather use the designated parent/teacher evenings when I can discuss them in private, or make a separate appointment.

Ds is always really proud to show me his books. It takes 5-10 mins. He's happy. We are happy. Once a term only and early - School opens at 8am and I know some parents go in then. I think it's a great idea.

The kids who don't have someone with them because they have gone/haven't been able to make it spend the time in the playground - so there's no sitting there feeling neglected because everyone else has a parent there. Ds has never been upset because one of us couldn't make it

It all comes down to how it's managed surely?

I got to see my DCs' books at parent/teacher evenings and every time they did their homework. Whilst looking at them in school would take 5-10 minutes, to get there at 2.45 I would have to book a full half day off work.