To think my childrens school is not thinking of the working parent. To the detriment of the child?

[SayHelloToYourNewLUHuvahh]

At the end of every term and half term, so every 6 weeks, the school has a 'parents open afternoon' so the school opens its gates at 2.30pm and you can go and see their work at 2.45.

School would usually finish at 3.15.

My kids get picked up by a childminder who has several other children to pick up.

I got all my children's work home today and in bother their learning journals was a photo of them (separate classes, separate year groups) in their class with their work laid out in front of them, next to all their friends and all their friends parents looking at their friends work and them say there with an empty space.

It makes my stomach turn with guilt just typing that.

I asked a friend to look through my boys work as she passed just so someone looked, but she has 2 kids of her own so I doubt she'd have had min chance and it's not really the point.

Am I being precious?

IT penalises children for the circumstances of their parents. Hmm.

Working dads get hailed from all sides. In the office it's all how marvellous they're going to little Johnny's open morning at school, at school it's look Johnny's dad took time from his oh so important job to come in, how wonderful.

Whereas women are viewed negatively at work as always asking for time off if they try to go to these events, and if they don't turn up, the teachers behave like you're a shit parent who can't organise their time.

Or at least that's always been my experience as a working mum for the last 17 years.

Double standards? Yep.

Long, you seem to be suggesting that you either work or have children. I am merely wondering whether this is specific to having a vagina, or whether you also think men should choose either to work or have a child.

so can bloody teachers not get a single day off then?

We get 13 weeks holiday a year. Getting extra time off -except in an emergency or for unavoidable medical appointments - is very difficult. Impossible for many.

Surely you could arrange your work . You know they are happening. Sort it out. Poor kids

Seriously! Have you such little imagination that you cannot envisage a job where heading off at 2.15 on one, two or even three week's notice isn't a problem? Or that the money you will lose makes a substantial difference.

I have worked in jobs that would have accommodated this kind of school attendance since I started work - and I still have the imagination and empathy to understand that not everyone is the same as me.

You are seriously blinkered. Poor your kids being reared with no understanding of how the world works for most people.

I have always been baffled when this is expected by teachers who are themselves parents and therefore never able to attend their own kids events on days they work.

I love your idea that individual teachers are the driving force behind these initiatives, rather than senior management. Yep, teachers are just so desperate to have parents buzzing around the place

I am merely wondering whether this is specific to having a vagina, or whether you also think men should choose either to work or have a child.

Why would you assume these things aren't a joint decision? I don't understand you

IT penalises children for the circumstances of their parents. Hmm and having it later in the evening penalises a different set of parents. It a bit dog in the manger to not want it to happen, just cos you can't go.

*Working dads get hailed from all sides. In the office it's all how marvellous they're going to little Johnny's open morning at school, at school it's look Johnny's dad took time from his oh so important job to come in, how wonderful.

Whereas women are viewed negatively at work as always asking for time off if they try to go to these events, and if they don't turn up, the teachers behave like you're a shit parent who can't organise their time*

Not my experience at work.

I don't act embarassed about having time off to see the children etc. People see me as a role model for other mums - so I make damn sure I am seen as a working mum.

I do recognise the issue of double standards which is why I make damn sure that DH takes his share too.

Carol concert x 2DC
Nativity
End of year show
3 x parents "evenings" 2.30-5.30 per year x 2 DC
Approx 3 or 4 afternoon parent information sessions per year
Approx 3 school trips per year (x 2 DC) which at least half of parents go on as 'helpers'
Sports day x 2 DC plus ' cluster' sports day.
Miscellaneous sessions to view class projects, prize giving assemblies.
Class assembly x 2 DC etc etc etc

Plus approx 14 weeks school holiday, and sick days.

DH and I are very lucky that we both get decent holiday time (6 wks per year), and we take it in turns to attend things and manage sick days, but it's impossible to cover everything. And that doesn't even cover the fact that sometimes you just CAN'T take a day off (DH and I both missed an assembly as neither of us was able to reschedule meetings ).

So OP, YANBU!

Mine are often short notice too. You can't always take time off like that.

I do think it penalises children. Let's face it we wouldn't penalise them for not being able to pay for something. So I'd rather they were not done at all. Just Like I'd rather all go to the Christmas panto or not go at all. It's not the parents that suffer it's the children.

Oh yes, short notice. You're either told a day or two before, or told months before which date, but given no idea of time until the day before!

Schools arrange activities to suit the majority of participants. Sadly, a minority often cannot attend.

I'm really surprised that school events are being listed as 'evidence' of how unreasonable schools are and of how they are trying to guilt trip the poor working parents. Could it not be that by having several events, of various types (drop ins, sports days, nativities) across the whole school year that they are applauded for offering opportunities for parents to attend. Surely it's common knowledge that most schools have a sports day in the summer term, a festive production in winter term etc? Surely you either plan for taking the time off if you can or accept you won't be able to attend if you can't?

YANBU. Every 6 weeks? What's wrong with an annual open afternoon or, better, evening?

My DP has to give a months notice for annual leave. Not everyone can take time off even with a few weeks notice of an event.

Sports day, nativity, yes. Although we often don't know the date until very late on. My child's leavers assembly was not announced until so late I couldn't swap a shift.
On a weekly basis, it makes it harder than it needs to be. Special assemblies announced on the Wednesday for the Friday, go in and draw with your child etc. It's just not necessary.

Our school does it once termly which is fine.

It's just the way it is, some parents have to work (I do), some don't but schools operate a certain way and we kind of have to fit into that way. I don't expect the local post office to stay open at night because I can't get there til 6.30. It's shit, but I understand why it's like that.

It's always in the day etc.

But your local po is open Saturdays?

Maybe the school could schedule this event in the evening.

I hear you though OP. It's nice to involve parents but over the last 4 weeks ether were about 7 day time events (concerts, sports day open day etc.) for two dc at two schools. It's a bit much. Stay at home mothers are able to attend all of these but many of us can't get time off several times a week. Then there medical appointments and other week and day time errands. My employer is very flexible so mostly i'm ok but many others are not so lucky.

Our school had a 'museum' afternoon where year 3 and 4 who had been learning about Romans and Egypt ins got to show off their work. They'd decorated the class rooms and some dressed up. Parents /relatives were invited but it was more about the whole class showing off the whole class work. Groups of children showing each area. The rest of the school classes came to see too. The children had the opportunity to proudly show off their work but no kid felt particularly singled out if they had no parent there.
I am lucky that I work close to my kids school so was able to take a later lunch and pop in for 20 mins and go back to work.
This has been a once in the year thing rather than every half term though. We had two sports days too to fit in the last couple of weeks. .. it does get tricky....

I'd say not unreasonable for the school to arrange (though every half term does seem OTT!) But they are unreasonable with the photos and the pressure to make sure someone is there.

I work three days a week, and lucky to be in a position to do some moving round of days here and there. DH works full time and can do some stuff (easier first thing as he can then get to work by say 1000). Our nearest granny is 400miles away! I'm a parent governor and so interested and committed to the school. But no way would I be taking 6 afternoons off for this!

As others have said, even if you are in a position to flex work or ask for leave, it's not "just" 3 days for this - it's leaving work early/arriving late for parents evening, assembly, meet the teacher, governors' meetings in my case. Multiply that by two or three kids and not only are you using a fair bit of your leave, but also a good amount of good will from colleagues if that potentially means something almost every week!

Working part time doesn't necessarily help either - I already have Mon and Fri off, so attending something those days is fine. But in some ways it makes it more difficult to take time on the days I do work - from the employer's point of view, they've already agreed flexible working and I'm very aware of not wanting to take the micky. And that's apart from having commitments that sometimes can't be missed (can't expect work and all my colleagues to schedule meetings around school events) or that taking a half day off is for me 1/6 less time in th office but without 1/6 less to do....

So I'd say good on the school for arranging things, but not so good re the guilt trip - you'd be reasonable feeding in on that point. Maybe you could mention to one of the parent governors?

I love our school, and it's doing such an amazing job with the dc that I will never complain.

But the demographics mean we're one of relatively few two full-time parents families, and it really shows. In the last three weeks of term, there were two sports days, two assemblies, one summer fair, one breakfast... Between us we got to most of them, and we explain to the dc when we can't, but it's hard.

The thing I will whine about is the lack of notice. Possibly because school assumes someone's at home, three days' notice via a crumpled note in the bag for an event, or God help me a costume, isn't unusual. Better communication would mean I could plan better.

And all the sanctimonious twerps saying you've got kids just take leave, poor children etc: have a until such time as mn brings in the middle finger emoticon.

so can bloody teachers not get a single day off then?

I am a teacher. I am in a senior position but I still have a class. DH is Deputy Head of a major boarding school.

Between us we have not missed any of DS's in school events this year. It is possible- it just has to be part of the culture of the school. The other SLT at my school also go and see their children's plays etc, it's just something that we do for each other.