To think my childrens school is not thinking of the working parent. To the detriment of the child?

[SayHelloToYourNewLUHuvahh]

At the end of every term and half term, so every 6 weeks, the school has a 'parents open afternoon' so the school opens its gates at 2.30pm and you can go and see their work at 2.45.

School would usually finish at 3.15.

My kids get picked up by a childminder who has several other children to pick up.

I got all my children's work home today and in bother their learning journals was a photo of them (separate classes, separate year groups) in their class with their work laid out in front of them, next to all their friends and all their friends parents looking at their friends work and them say there with an empty space.

It makes my stomach turn with guilt just typing that.

I asked a friend to look through my boys work as she passed just so someone looked, but she has 2 kids of her own so I doubt she'd have had min chance and it's not really the point.

Am I being precious?

YANBU. DD is about to start school in Sept and I'm expecting to miss a lot. Dh works full time and I work 3 days a week. we're happy to use annual leave when we can, but we also have to cover all the school holidays. We're also having to take 3 weeks of leave between DH and I to cover the settling into reception in Sept!

We've also missed some events at nursery such as when DD 'graduated' last week. 3 days' notice - neither of us could attend.

I do not blame the teachers and it is nice for those who can be involved. I also agree that short days and frequent holidays are best for children. It's just that those things are incompatible with most working parents.

I'm a sahm and make it to all of these type of things, my dh works but uses annual leave to be there at others or look after our youngest. However, I made a choice to be available (for at least the time being), and that choice involves me feeling guilty about my husband bearing the brunt of earning the family income; guilty that we can't afford things that other families can because I'm not earning and we're just getting by; guilty we won't own our own home for a long time; guilty I'm not showing my ds and dd a role model of a working mother with a career outside the home.

So you made a different choice, you feel guilty about different stuff. We're all doing our best.

I think the school could manage it better, but then wouldn't the children feel more left out if their work wasn't on display in the same manner as the others. It's difficult, but worth talking to the school about it.

My Mum was a teacher so wasn't there, like ethelb - I survived :)

DS1's old school did that. I was on maternity leave when he started so was able to go (dragging the baby and the toddler...). He found it really hard when I went back to work and then couldn't go. It sucked.

I have one DS reception age and have had four such events in 2 weeks:
All day trip to a water park, all parents expected so had to say if weren't attending.
Graduation assembly
Sports day
Summer fete

I swapped some days around and managed to attend two of those but felt awful. For the graduation the day before each child wrote a letter to their parents saying please come to the assembly. I luckily could go but felt a real pang for parents who couldn't. I love that the school wants parents to be involved but it feels like a lot of pressure and guilt to be there for everything. It must be worse for parent of more than one also!

This is a central london state school as well so I think the majority of parent are working due to the cost of living here!

I'm a governor in a primary school and this is an area where schools can't seem to win whatever approach is taken. It annoys me when school is criticised for adopting an open door policy and providing opportunities for parents/carers to see the children in class and to see examples of their work. I know from experience that when these opportunities are not provided that there are far more complaints from parents and carers about the lack of opportunity to get into school. It is part of the child's school experience to display their work and have the chance to feel proud of it. This can be done either through assemblies where they show their work to their peers, or through classroom displays (which I know teaching staff spend a lot of time on) and also through parent/carer drop in sessions. If a parent or carer is unable to attend these then this surely shouldn't mean they are dropped altogether in order to assuage any feelings of guilt the non-attending parent may have? Surely it is more appropriate for them to take responsibility and to explain to their child the reasons they can't go? In our school, alternative arrangements have been agreed where a parent can come in at a time more suitable for them, but where the teacher doesn't have to go to unreasonable lengths to accommodate, eg. earlier on a school day, but not on a weekend. So yes, I think YABU to suggest the school is unreasonable for arranging these sessions. I agree with a PP that many parents have unrealistic expectations about what schools should do for their child. Emotional wellbeing is still mainly the parents job IMO.

Teacher and parent here...
We had our open evening this week. It was 6 to 8 pm. We're in school before 8am, so it's a 12+ hour day.

Parents still complained! It clashed with younger sibling's bedtime. It messed up Brownies and Beavers. Etc

Can't please everyone.

I was a childminder until recently. I almost always went to the open afternoons for the children I cared for when parents couldn't be there. I did occasionally encounter objections from teachers but children were pleased to have a friendly adult to admire their work. I did sometimes have to take other little ones along, and they generally enjoyed having a look around the school too.

In the last few weeks of term we've had:

• school trip (volunteers required)
• closure for referendum
• Y1 transition meeting (Thursday at 2pm)
• Sports day (Friday at 9:30am, so immediately after the above)
• optional parents evening (Monday at 3:30-5pm)
• school fete starting at 2:30pm

That's on top of an assembly, another election and "Star of the Week" assemblies which take place on a Friday and you're informed at pick up the day before if your child is Star and asked to attend the next day.

I work pretty flexibly, but full time. I get generous holidays, but not 13 weeks. I know nobody likes staying late at work, but, for example, perhaps holding the transition meeting in the evening would mean they could offer some slots for parents evening that night too? Or hold them on the evening of the election and give staff some time off that day in lieu?

Why are people making this about how parents are or aren't accomodated in terms of access to the school or ability to attend? If you can, you can, if you can't you can't, c'est la vie, plus ca change

For me, the real issue here is the photo of the child sat beside an empty chair being sent home as a keepsake. Or being taken at all.

Don't you think though, amprev, that the school could have held the events at different times to allow more parents to attend?

At least DC is now of an age where they can understand that either I attend the school event and they have to attend holiday club for an extra day OR I miss the event and they get a whole day off with me in the holidays.

I do think it's really shitty to set a child up with their books knowing a parent won't be coming. And even worse to photograph it.

I work part time, some things I go to some I don't.

Some I've even missed not because I'm working but because of other appointments, dentist, hairdresser.

My DD's (5&6) seem to be surviving, I think it's important for them to realise you can't always be there. I'm always interested in their work and chat about what's happened throughout their day, surely that's more important than looking at work that goes in the recycling anyway!

If it's any help I'm a SAHM and I go to all those events and I now have a small clutch of little boys who light up when they see me arrive. Their mums all work and I've become their proxy-mum. It's very likely that your kids will have a proxy mum too, and while they miss seeing you, there probably will be a special person who is making sure they feel your presence there.

I think that in a class of 30 children that there would probably be at least 15 times that would be stated as a preference. In our school we have experimented with different meeting times (same also for pta meetings) and no solution has ever been a resounding success as far as I know. Evenings are tricky when younger siblings are involved, daytimes are no good for the working parents. We have even consulted part time working parents to understand which day of the week is most commonly taken off (its Friday by the way) and tried this approach. Our weather has scuppered us this year and sports day was cancelled twice due to a waterlogged field so when it was rearranged it ended up being on the day after the drop in session. This obviously went down like lead balloon but was not intended to cause problems, just unlucky. I agree that sending the photo home showing your child without an audience is highly insensitive, and could even make the child sad when they may not necessarily have been at the time. Hopefully there will have been some adults with nous who would have ensured that every child was engaged at some point, even if this wasn't caught on camera.

YANBU. Most parents work and the expectation that they can take time off in addition to all the school holidays is ridiculous. And to set it up in such a way that those with family who can't make it end up feeling bad is just horrible. DD just had her open evening and it was after school which is much more appropriate.

Agree with PPs who said those of us who went to school in the 1980s managed perfectly well without all these open days. If I were the OP I'd be complaining to the school about the photograph and the fact that my child was made to feel left out due to circumstances beyond their control. There does seem to be an assumption from schools that all children have a mother at home still, when house prices and the cost of living make that unworkable for most families. If working parents don't take a stand against this nonsense then nothing will change.

YABU. DS's school do a lot of these I don't make it to most of them, nor do most of the parents. When I can attend, I spend time with some of the kids whose parents can't make it that day. They do the same for my DS. I understand that you can't make it, but most DCs will have someone who can make it at least once a year and it is really valuable for them.

Surely you could arrange your work . You know they are happening. Sort it out. Poor kids.

Nice. I'm a teacher so have no chance of attending events like this. Feel heartbroken at the thought of my DDs watching everyone else have someone there and them not (DP also a teacher). Feels even worse to know that people judge them as 'poor kids'. Ugh.

I take annual leave occasionally to go to school events. But that means not being able to cover a day's holiday. That costs a minimum of £70 in childcare costs for the day in the holiday. I can well imagine that many people can't afford to do that.

Well quite, you can't please everyone. But say they reduced this (ridiculous) event to three times a year and had one session in the morning, one in the afternoon and one either before or after school, that might mean more parents could attend.

Although I don't see why books need to be looked at quite so often by parents. They're really not that interesting. bad parent

If you chose to be a working mum, then you are choosing not to be available during school hours.

It is always a choice to some extent. In my case, the choice was be working mum, or don't have any children. I chose working mum, and don't regret it at all, but there are sacrifices. This is a very minor one.

I think yabu. I doubt most parents attend all of them. Surely you could take a couple of half days off to attend one or 2? I've had friends go to things at my kids school in place of me and vice versa and I'm always sure to give friends the same attention as my own dc and would coo over any other kids work who didn't have someone there. I would expect the teaching staff to be focusing on children who's parents couldn't attend as well. I'm sure the teacher would be happy spend a few mins showing your dc's work to her cm at the end of the day as well.

If you chose to be a working mum, then you are choosing not to be available during school hours.

It is always a choice to some extent. In my case, the choice was be working mum, or don't have any children. I chose working mum, and don't regret it at all, but there are sacrifices.

Rephrase all of that with 'working dad' and see how ridiculous a false opposition it is.

op, why cant you get the day off or the half day? it doesnt have to be every one, just now and then?

and you can tell me to fuck off like you did another poster, if you want

but I dont get why you cant book a day off when you'll have at least 20 days off per year if you work FT and live in the uk?

Surely you could take a couple of half days off to attend one or 2?

Do people read the thread? The op is a teacher so can't take time off. Plenty of people really struggle to get time off work for all sorts of reasons as they've said previously.

That doesn't mean these events should be banned but just saying "surely you should be able to take at least some time off" isn't very helpful to people who genuinely can't.