To think my childrens school is not thinking of the working parent. To the detriment of the child?

[SayHelloToYourNewLUHuvahh]

At the end of every term and half term, so every 6 weeks, the school has a 'parents open afternoon' so the school opens its gates at 2.30pm and you can go and see their work at 2.45.

School would usually finish at 3.15.

My kids get picked up by a childminder who has several other children to pick up.

I got all my children's work home today and in bother their learning journals was a photo of them (separate classes, separate year groups) in their class with their work laid out in front of them, next to all their friends and all their friends parents looking at their friends work and them say there with an empty space.

It makes my stomach turn with guilt just typing that.

I asked a friend to look through my boys work as she passed just so someone looked, but she has 2 kids of her own so I doubt she'd have had min chance and it's not really the point.

Am I being precious?

Lots of people can only take holidays in blocks of at least a week. Or are restricted to shut downs.

I've had jobs where you could only take a full day. And jobs where I could only take a full week. It's not that unusual.

"I dont get the obsession with having parents in school."

THIS. AND THIS:

"I really feel for you OP, working life and kids at school don't mix very well do they. Annual leave is precious and you usually need to save it for school holidays or if they are ill. Taking a half day to attend a 15 minute event (or 1/2 an hour for an assembly or whatever) just isn't practical."

For those of us with more than one or two children, the nightmare is even bigger.

Evenings (by which I mean 7pm or later), should be offered regularly by schools for things parents are needed at, ie open evenings parent/teacher consultations. Teachers have 13 weeks holiday a year, vastly more than the rest of us. So yes evening events should be expected from time to time during term time for primary teachers.

"Im sure most parents could manage one or two a year? Especially in a two parent household."

On the last count, this academic school year there were over 20 events during school time for our DCs to which parents were expected invited. I have always been baffled when this is expected by teachers who are themselves parents and therefore never able to attend their own kids events on days they work. Maybe they have willing local grandparents? We do not.

I think it is madness that schools are expected to display this sort of parental 'involvement', when national policy is to encourage everyone to work.

but I dont get why you cant book a day off when you'll have at least 20 days off per year if you work FT and live in the uk?

She's a bloody teacher. It isn't the same in education.

so can bloody teachers not get a single day off then?

Just for the people who have said there are 4 weeks holiday a year ...by law you have 5.6 weeks (pro rata) holiday a year and have done for several years now if you are only getting 4 weeks you need to speak to your employer/ACAS...
Having said that covering the school holidays are a nightmare and it was one of the main reasons I stopped working...but the OP is a teacher so doesn't have that problem ... and I guess it depends how flexible her HT etc would be -but appreciate it would be very difficult - just thinking about the right to flexible working etc -for the person who gets 1hr PPA a day can you not arrange to pool it over 2 days or something? I agree the photos are a bit and I would bring it up with the teacher -but we can't have everything...working FT and having children means something is always a compromise. (Since I've been a SAHM I'd dearly love to have an excuse to miss some school events...)

Also the OP should understand why they have these open days etc. I'm in Scotland so it isn't Ofsted -it is Education Scotland but schools (and preschools and Nurseries) have to involve parents in their children's learning. The schools etc have to send out reports to parents with questionnaires to fill in - I know our primary HT was complaining that out of 130 families they got something like 10 completed questionnaires back -and that would count against them. They have to jump through all kinds of hoops to show parental involvement in their children's learning. So don't blame the school -blame the regulators... to quote from an assessment for a Nursery inspection -
Staff Questionnaire
Parents are fully involved in the nursery and their child's learning
Parent's questionnaire
The nursery asks for my views
The nursery takes my views into account.
Staff work in partnership with me to care for and educate my child
(I agree it is bollocks....missing the point rather - parents who don't care won't care any way and the ones that do are made to feel guilty...)

No they can't ssd.

I didnt know that.

I haven't exactly chosen to be a working mum, you know bills and all that, kind of take away choice sometimes.

YABU to expect the school to not have events, but YANBU to expect the school to not lay on the guilt trip.

I have managed one thing this year I think, luckily for us dh is a sahp but I know my children do feel sad that I can't be there. I did the one as it was a mother's day event. Luckily I work flexi time and as I am a sole worker I can get time off as needed, but I am 35mins + from home so not just a case of popping out the office.

I did get slightly annoyed when my eldest did a weekly parent session and at the end of the year a prize was given to the children who had gone to every one a.k.a a parent/carer had attended every time. I was a sahp at the time and still missed some, most working parents didn't stand a chance.

It's 5.6 weeks inc bank holidays as the minimum. And the bank holidays generally have to be taken on the bank holidays. So people have four weeks left to book.

My daughters' pre-school have a parents day which is almost like an informal parent/teacher meet every half term, the children 'serve' the parents snacks and play games and the parents can drop in at any time of the day (from 7.30am to 7.30pm - God bless those teachers) to have a look at their child's "best bits" of work and talk to teachers about any worries. It isn't so important with pre-school, but throughout the rest of the school (goes up to age 13) I imagine it's very informative and useful. I personally love this layout as it's really nice to spend a little time in my daughters' environment.

I wouldn't feel guilty about not being able to attend just looking through work though! Maybe make an extra special big deal about their work when you do get it at the end of term and out up a mini exhibition of it at home?

I worked out that had we attended/ co-operated in all the school events over the last three weeks for our two children, we'd have had to:

Give over two whole weekend days (to manning stalls at fairs/ attending book fairs, attending the opening of an envelope etc).

Made or bought three costumes for dressing up days/ charity days etc at school, which I estimate as 1 whole evening when I could otherwise have been keeping healthy at the gym...

Between me and DH, taken 5 half days and 2 full days' annual leave to cover all school events.

attended two evening drinks do's for parents... it goes on but I've run out of steam listing everything.

What's it all about?! My mum came to school twice a year when I was little: once for parents' evening and once for the summer fair.

Meanwhile, we've spent most of the last three weeks running round trying to attend all these different things without pissing off either my boss, my kids, or disturbing my own mental equilibrium!

I feel like an old gimmer saying this, but it's true: the world's gooorn mad.

Rephrase all of that with 'working dad' and see how ridiculous a false opposition it is

what are you on about? The OP is a mother. If the OP ws a father, then exactly the same applies.

Most teachers can't just switch their PPA time to suit time off. We have timetables and PPA-cover colleagues to work with. My DH is always the one who covers appointments, assemblies, sickness, etc. Attending an optional daytime event will just not happen.

I haven't exactly chosen to be a working mum, you know bills and all that, kind of take away choice sometimes.

but you have chosen to be a mother, knowing this. The same choice that I made

Just for one nursery-aged child this half term:
2 in school events mid afternoon
1 mid afternoon (i.e. Before 5.30pm when my work finishes) parent consultation
1 accompanied reception visit (mid afternoon)
1 reception new parents evening
1 lunchtime trip, parents responsible for child

I work part-time but I still can't go to most events organised during the day. I sometimes feel guilty, but when I consider the alternative (i.e. me not working and us living in complete poverty) I don't feel quite so bad.

I work 4 full days a week so I can't attend anything at school on these days. I get 4 weeks holiday a year so I need to use all of these for the 14 weeks of school holidays, so taking half days off for school events isn't really possible.

It is upsetting that working parents aren't often catered for and annoying that things are arranged by the school at the last minute. I don't work for an employer who allows people to just take days off with very little notice. Because it's not my fault I don't beat myself up too much. I am a supportive parent but I can't be in two places at once and my first responsibility is to make sure we eat.

Longlost Are you aware that a family's personal financial circumstances can change?

I used to be a SAHM, largely, working occasionally self-employed. Now I work virtually full time out of financial necessity.

YANBU

It was a while ago now but I still remember the time I couldn't get out of a meeting and missed looking through my 5 year old's work at an open afternoon at school. She cried.

I have been to plenty of open afternoons since and they are fine but really nothing special. And there is always at least one child there looking desperately at the door in case their parent comes through. Whilst I am sure it is well-intentioned the whole event seems pretty cruel to me.

No I didn't, My initial choice was to stay at home. You can't exactly send them back 9yrs later when a change of circumstance means you have to work.

I get to what I can, I'm happy with that,

Not everyone can take time off. Even those of us who aren't teachers either don't have flexibility to take time here and there, or JUST DON'T HAVE ENOUGH HOLIDAY!

I used to get 20 days holiday, excluding bank holidays. Pretty standard in many offices.

My childminder took a min of 15 working days holiday (during school hols, not including bank hols) per year.

That left me with 5 days to cover:
Sports days
Parents evening
School performances
Any other school meetings
Kids being ill
Any time I needed to take off for GP or dentist appts (much as I tried never to need either).

I don't think that's an unusual list. It's impossible to do it all in 5 days. Kids are sick for a week - that's all your leave done, no school events possible.

Surely you could arrange your work . You know they are happening. Sort it out. Poor kids

Oh, that's helpful! You're either looking for an argument or completely clueless.
I've been on both sides, as in when the eldest was at school, I had to work and couldn't be at every little function, however much I desperately wanted to be.
Physically not possible, and work would have frowned heavily and refused if I literally had to take off every sports day/concert/6 weeks for a parent open afternoon!
Luckily, I'm now in the fortunate position of being a SAHM, so can go to it all.
Completely don't judge those who can't be there, though - if you have to work, you have to work!!

what are you on about? The OP is a mother. If the OP ws a father, then exactly the same applies.

Yes, but I bet working dads don't face the same guilt and judgement that working mums get.

Moving things to evenings would have the same effect on parents who work evenings though. When I was at school (a long time ago) there were still class assemblies, sports days, days where parents gp's could come in to help out, school trips that parents were expected to attend. If you work full time in a job that has no term time holiday then you know you are going to miss out on school things in the day time. If you work evenings then concerts and parents evenings will likely be difficult. Ime teachers will general try to accommodate individual parents at a time that suits if they can but expecting teachers who already miss school things to miss time with their children on Saturdays is a stretch too far I think.

I think there are far too many of these type of events at my child's school. This half term I think it's been one a week. Peoples family circumstances differ. I can't see how it's different to taking children on a school trip and demanding money, but only taking those kids whose parents pay. I could say the same, work and your kid gets to go on the school trip.

But that's not inclusive.