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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my childrens school is not thinking of the working parent. To the detriment of the child?

246 replies

SayHelloToYourNewLUHuvahh · 21/07/2016 20:45

At the end of every term and half term, so every 6 weeks, the school has a 'parents open afternoon' so the school opens its gates at 2.30pm and you can go and see their work at 2.45.

School would usually finish at 3.15.

My kids get picked up by a childminder who has several other children to pick up.

I got all my children's work home today and in bother their learning journals was a photo of them (separate classes, separate year groups) in their class with their work laid out in front of them, next to all their friends and all their friends parents looking at their friends work and them say there with an empty space.

It makes my stomach turn with guilt just typing that.

I asked a friend to look through my boys work as she passed just so someone looked, but she has 2 kids of her own so I doubt she'd have had min chance and it's not really the point.

Am I being precious?

OP posts:
Phineyj · 21/07/2016 21:00

You don't have to persuade staff. Open events are 'directed time'. If they're in the evening, you are required to attend!

Owllady · 21/07/2016 21:01

A handful of parents go in who are either on a split shift or don't work (or are off sick) I really wouldn't worry about it. No one thinks anything of parents who can't go and lots of children just sit with other people's mum's or gran s
I hope that reassures you
You shouldn't feel guilty, you are doing you best in the bigger picture

Crankyblob · 21/07/2016 21:02

phineyj

Yes to that!! I have just got in from another school event on top of sports day today and one last week during the day and one last Thursday night!!!

I would welcome the school letting up a bit!

FlattenedWhite · 21/07/2016 21:03

Yanbu in the least, and anyone who thinks you can skip gaily out of certain jobs for a school thing is mad - if I have a lecture with 130 first years, I can't take that afternoon off, and I can't 'find another time' because 130 people's timetables are involved as well as mine. The school DS is going to in September seems to assume there is a mother at home, but I don't feel remotely guilty about not being available.

Believeitornot · 21/07/2016 21:03

I bend myself in half to make sure I can attend things like this or if I can't then DH does. It is rare that neither of us makes it.

Sorry OP but I say YABU. You have to make some amends to your life when you have children and sometimes that means taking time out of work. And sometimes we can't always be there.

Carrados · 21/07/2016 21:03

And 'poor kids' or it's not the school's fault?

I really think the School can do more to help here. We used to have them on Saturday mornings in my school and it was really nice and worked well so everyone could be there.

VelvetSpoon · 21/07/2016 21:03

Haha to arranging work.

Depends if you work somewhere where you can 'work from home'/ work flexibly. Not all employers offer this.

I couldn't attend events at my DCs schools without taking a whole day off. You only have a certain amount of annual leave which many people have to keep for covering school hols/ childminder hols, Xmas play, child sickness etc. Annual leave is finite, and there simply isn't enough to go to every school event as well.

Owllady · 21/07/2016 21:04

The school isn't out to get you or any other working parents. If they have an open door type policy I think they just try to be open
I do think parents expect too much of schools/teachers these days tbh.

icklekid · 21/07/2016 21:04

I'm a teacher and we try and do something similar once a term as nice to get to know parents and improve relationships. It is not meant to make anyone feel guilty and normally children without someone will get their friends parents looking. I won't be able to attend similar when ds is at school but thats life and would still approve of school doing it!

Carrados · 21/07/2016 21:08

Yes - flattenedwhite it's so fucking sexist. Women are encouraged to go out and build careers but in most mid to high professinals can't take an afternoon off like that.

Either you're shit guilty parents or you're working for other selfish reasons.

MollyTwo · 21/07/2016 21:08

If it's every 6 weeks, can't you arrange the odd half day off here and there. It may not seem fair but that doesn't mean others should miss out.

Believeitornot · 21/07/2016 21:10

in most mid to high professinals can't take an afternoon off like that

I disagree. I think you can - it's probably more so if you're lower down the career ladder.

The more senior you are, the more you can work flexibly. That's why I am loathe to step down as I know it will be a trade off.

SayHelloToYourNewLUHuvahh · 21/07/2016 21:12

This reply has been deleted

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TheAntiBoop · 21/07/2016 21:12

My kids school do these but 8.30-9.30 in the morning. The kids lay their books out the day before. Most working parents are there early so they can go straight in to work.

Maybe suggest some are done in the morning.

Owllady · 21/07/2016 21:12

Dads go as well but honestly, it's just a handful of people.

Schools can't win can they? . No one really cares if you are at work, if you hadn't noticed, the teAcher is at work as well.

Owllady · 21/07/2016 21:14

Women need to stop judging one another :(

PurpleDaisies · 21/07/2016 21:15

Agreed owl. I bet no one is judging the dads for being in work.

Kennington · 21/07/2016 21:15

I dont get the obsession with having parents in school. They were never there when I was a child. Kids aren't excellig academically because of it....or are they?
It is a pain to have all this parental involvement but that is just the way it is.
I take holiday for the really important stuff, or send grandparents. Sometimes I arrange to take it in turns with other mums but that doesn't really work well.

FlattenedWhite · 21/07/2016 21:16

I disagree. I think you can - it's probably more so if you're lower down the career ladder

I'm sure it's true that some people could reschedule a meeting involving ten people, but while academics still give lectures to large numbers of undergraduates who have paid £9000 a year fees - lectures which cannot be postponed because it involves trying to find an alternative room that sits 100 plus and that doesn't clash with the various other subjects and modules of 100 plus students - then that simply isn't true for me.

maddening · 21/07/2016 21:16

I am lucky that I work close to the school so can usually take a longer lunch and work the time back etc but it sucks if you can't 🙁

Stillunexpected · 21/07/2016 21:16

Your children will not be the only ones without a parent there. If the teachers take a picture of the kids with their work, would you rather that they ignored your children because they didn't have a parent there? If the events are every 6 weeks, I doubt many parents are going to every single one. SAHPs have commitments too! If you are really feeling guilty, go to one (or two) per year or you go to one, get your DP to go to another.

There is no way the school can win on this one. Put the open classes on in the afternoon and working parents are complaining, put the event on in the evening and you can bet that lots of parents will be complaining about childcare for younger ones, shift work, etc and half the children won't even turn up because it interferes with scouts, drama, football training etc.

NeonPinkNails · 21/07/2016 21:17

I really feel for you OP, working life and kids at school don't mix very well do they. Annual leave is precious and you usually need to save it for school holidays or if they are ill. Taking a half day to attend a 15 minute event (or 1/2 an hour for an assembly or whatever) just isn't practical. Doesn't stop you feeling like a crap parent and a crap employee though (but obviously you're not).

FlattenedWhite · 21/07/2016 21:17

if you hadn't noticed, the teAcher is at work as well

Well, that's the mad paradox - if a teacher has children, by definition they are a working parent in a job where it is presumably virtually impossible to take an afternoon off in termtime! So why the doublethink?

Original poster
SayHelloToYourNewLUHuvahh · 21/07/2016 21:17

If you hadn't noticed, teachers work as well

If you had not noticed, it may be a teachers problem in the first place.

This isn't something we do at our school. Buy we are a different school working the same shifts and weeks.

Changing it to the morning wouldn't help me or anyone I know, but it does seem to make sense as to get it out the way.

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 21/07/2016 21:18

Ok I stand corrected in your particular field.
I do think however that there needs to be an acceptance that working and having children does mean you either reasses your career choices or accept that you will miss out on things. Schools are not there to serve working parents.
And I speak as a working parent. I'd rather their energy was focussed on my child's education and trying to engage parents in many different ways. Some of those ways will suit working parents and some won't.