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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my childrens school is not thinking of the working parent. To the detriment of the child?

246 replies

SayHelloToYourNewLUHuvahh · 21/07/2016 20:45

At the end of every term and half term, so every 6 weeks, the school has a 'parents open afternoon' so the school opens its gates at 2.30pm and you can go and see their work at 2.45.

School would usually finish at 3.15.

My kids get picked up by a childminder who has several other children to pick up.

I got all my children's work home today and in bother their learning journals was a photo of them (separate classes, separate year groups) in their class with their work laid out in front of them, next to all their friends and all their friends parents looking at their friends work and them say there with an empty space.

It makes my stomach turn with guilt just typing that.

I asked a friend to look through my boys work as she passed just so someone looked, but she has 2 kids of her own so I doubt she'd have had min chance and it's not really the point.

Am I being precious?

OP posts:
trafalgargal · 21/07/2016 21:47

Parent's evenings always used to be in the evening - however the thing that totally enraged me when I was working at a school was the school closing for a training day - however the school was empty that day as the teachers had done the training as twilight in the evenings (from 4 to 6 or 7pm 2 days earlier in the week) so they all got a lovely day off leaving parents to cover an extra day of childcare. I thought it was a disgrace - naturally the staff all stayed very quiet about it to the kids.

Bestthingever · 21/07/2016 21:48

I used to work in an international school abroad and we had to come in on Saturdays to do open days for the paying customer working parents. We bloody resented it because we worked long hours anyway. Now I am a parent I have chosen to work only three days a week so I'm available for this stuff but I appreciate not everyone has that luxury.

caroldecker · 21/07/2016 21:48

So stop any parent looking at their child's work because you can't? Read some Aesop fables and get a grip

MunchCrunch01 · 21/07/2016 21:53

The overall burden of school events is overwhelming. I always go even when I can't afford the time because I can't stand the thought of dd not having anyone there. Last time, there was a little girl who's mum is on her own, works full time, no extended family around and the little girl was shaking. I felt desperate for her and her mum probably never knew - i looked at her work and told her how great it was. Other times you can see the anxiety on the kids' faces looking out for 'their' parent. Mine is only 5 though, probably gets easier when they're older. On the whole it depresses me - some kids have parents and grandparents trooping around, or both parents.

NeonPinkNails · 21/07/2016 21:53

Working full time isn't a bad choice. No it's pretty much the only choice for many people.

I totally get the argument that school is not childcare but the fact remains that working 9-5 with limited annual leave just isn't compatible with having kids in school. Nobody seems happy with the current way of doing things - parents or teachers.

I don't know what the answer is but it needs addressing now that 2 parents working full time is pretty much essential for most families.

Muskateersmummy · 21/07/2016 21:55

I somewhat agree OP, it's really hard to juggle when your working. I'm lucky to have a flexible day off in the week, so I can mostly shunt it around to fit these things and if I can't DM goes in my place. But I know I'm in a fortunate position.

I don't understand why schools can't mix things up, do some as the afternoon, some evenings, some sat mornings, some mornings. That way most parents can attend some of the events, some may be able to do all but at least it gives everyone a chance. Why does each 6 week parent open event have to take place at the same time. I think schools do need to be a bit more flexible in their approach to the keeping in touch with parents aspect.

blowmybarnacles · 21/07/2016 21:55

YABU really. As you know the frequency, try and schedule one or two a year maybe ?

I am guessing they are that frequent so that all parents can juggle working life to attend at least one so they are thinking of working parents.

LunaLoveg00d · 21/07/2016 21:56

So you do every other visit, or twice a year, or what you can manage. My parents were both teachers and were never able to come to assemblies or sports days or anything else, so this is nothing new.

If it's really that important yes you take half days. If it's every half and end of term you really mean October, Christmas, February, Easter, May and summer. 6 times. 3 days holiday.

PurpleDaisies · 21/07/2016 21:56

YABU really. As you know the frequency, try and schedule one or two a year maybe?

Again, the op is a teacher-time off is is pretty much impossible.

DropZoneOne · 21/07/2016 21:56

I sympathise. I work FT and can't be in school either. My daughter has commented on it, my reply has always been to point out all the things we have because I work (house, holidays, clubs etc).

I missed sports day this year, but I usually book time off for that, Christmas play and the sharing assembly (once a year). I'm friendly with a mum who doesn't work (children share same birthday) and if i can't be at school for something, she'll always take time to talk to my daughter. It's not the same, but it's better than nothing. Is there someone you could ask to do the same?

I do think every half term is a bit much though.

Enkopkaffetak · 21/07/2016 21:57

I have 4 and I was a SAHM for most of the years they were in primary school.

I always took the time to look at working friends kids stuff too. Usually they would come with me and we would go through the trays together. So I am sure your friend would have looked.

I used to like doing it that way as my kids would like sharing it with their friends.

Its IMO a difficult one however children accept it easilly enough that mum/dad is working. Just I think sometimes having a late one would be nice

lalalemon · 21/07/2016 21:57

My cousin is a teacher and she's been able to attend her own children's class assemblies/sports days etc, her school changed her PPA time on those occasions or provided a cover teacher.

KickAssAngel · 21/07/2016 21:57

I used to hate things like this at DD's school, as I could never go. I missed her only ever nativity because it was at 11 am and my school would not give permission for me to be there. Yet, whenever there was something that made money for the school, it WAS in the evening or at a weekend, so parents could turn up and pay.

There is an expectation that one parent (and 'mother' is assumed) is around to do everything, and kids who don't have a SAHM (what about single parents, who are expected to get a job once kids are in school?) really DO have a different experience from those with a SAHM.

If the gov. wants parents to work and increase the profit in the country, then schools have to stop assuming that there's a mum around to do everything.

ColinFirthsGirth · 21/07/2016 21:59

I can understand you feeling bad about it but YABU. Teachers shouldn't have to do longer hours because you work and if it suits the majority of parents then they should have it at that time. Can you take some annual leave?

BerriesandLeaves · 21/07/2016 21:59

Our school does this first thing in the morning. It won't suit everyone, but probably more chance pf people being able to go in to work late than make it at 2.45

whydidhesaythat · 21/07/2016 21:59

Positive solution at our school.

Those parents who can come meet their their child and are taken to the hall.
The other children do something in class.
No awful photos with gaps.

Only downside is, I can no longer look at/praise the work of kids who come up to me, some of whom are from difficult backgrounds known to me

PurpleDaisies · 21/07/2016 21:59

That's not the norm lalalemon-it would be almost unheard of for a secondary school teacher.

ColinFirthsGirth · 21/07/2016 22:01

Oh I see you are a teacher yourself. I still think it has to be what is best for the majority including the staff of the school

Doublejeopardy · 21/07/2016 22:01

Have you spoken to the Head about it? If they don't know they won't change. Our school do open evening 4.30-6pm which works well but only at the end of the year ? You could suggest a change our head would listen ?

babybythesea · 21/07/2016 22:02

Also there's an element of OFSTED looking for evidence that school is trying to engage with parents. Don't do these sorts of things at all, and OFSTED criticise you for not being active enough in involving parents. Do them, and people complain. Either they do them in the afternoon and working parents can't get there and the school is wrong for assuming that every family has a SAHP who can get there. Do it in the evening and the school is wrong for assuming that parents want to give up an evening every six weeks to go and stare at yet more of their kids colouring, and anyway not everyone has babysitters.

It's a bit of a no-win for the school I think.

Babyroobs · 21/07/2016 22:02

If they had it in the evening then there would also be parents that work evenings and nights that couldn't go. We had this problem at my kids school with parent forums where parents could go to express concerns and find about about new things happening int he school. They had them in the afternoons but turn out was very poor and working parents complained they couldn't make it, so they had them in the evenings and then evening working parents complained, you can't suit everyone. At my kids they usually show work books at parents evenings. Perhaps they could alternate the times they show the work so that even if you can't get to every one you can get to some?

Alconleigh · 21/07/2016 22:03

Can anyone shed light on why the time expectation from parents has gone up precisely as the time parents actually have available has decreased? As a child of the 80s, I had a parent at home for most of my childhood and do did the majority. But there was none of this stuff. And yet now 2 working parents is the norm, constant attendance seems to be asked for. What's the logic?

strawberrybootlace · 21/07/2016 22:05

OP I don't think that you are being precious in the slightest. I would feel sad for my kids too and question why the school does this every six weeks. Seriously, is that necessary? Is it even beneficial? There must be a better way to organise this and involve parents. Maybe a class blog or a permanent display table with rotating examples of the kids' work?

Presumably you are listening to them read, supervising homework and working to pay for their uniforms, childminder, extracurricular activities and school trips. Plus making sure that they have snacks, clean uniform, letters signed and anything else necessary for school. So already extremely involved in their education and supportive of their school career. It's a shame that you have been made to feel like an unsupportive parent.

CatThiefKeith · 21/07/2016 22:06

Our school is the same op. Plus the teddy bears picnic that I missed when dd was 4. I picked her up from the cm and she burst into tears that I wasn't there. The only one apparently. Sad

For the posters saying book half days, I've already taken 6 days leave this year whilst dd was sick, most of my leave covers school holidays as childcare is so expensive, and the job I've just left were far from accommodating.

My new job so far is much better, and I can finish in time to collect then make the time up in the evening. But that's not an option for most.

I'd love to be able to afford to be a sahm, but it just isn't an option.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 21/07/2016 22:07

There is this thing called 'annual leave' OP , and working parents can use it to attend at least one of these days per annum ! Yabu