To think my childrens school is not thinking of the working parent. To the detriment of the child?

[SayHelloToYourNewLUHuvahh]

At the end of every term and half term, so every 6 weeks, the school has a 'parents open afternoon' so the school opens its gates at 2.30pm and you can go and see their work at 2.45.

School would usually finish at 3.15.

My kids get picked up by a childminder who has several other children to pick up.

I got all my children's work home today and in bother their learning journals was a photo of them (separate classes, separate year groups) in their class with their work laid out in front of them, next to all their friends and all their friends parents looking at their friends work and them say there with an empty space.

It makes my stomach turn with guilt just typing that.

I asked a friend to look through my boys work as she passed just so someone looked, but she has 2 kids of her own so I doubt she'd have had min chance and it's not really the point.

Am I being precious?

OP, don't be too upset. Few of the people on here being judgemental arseholes have revealed what their working arrangements are. I imagine few of them are full time working households in middle to low level jobs with colleagues who actually like them.

Maybe some shift workers can make a few of these events but I doubt they can make them all.

To those saying it won't just be your child, it was once... Just mine sad because no one was there. I was a flight away and DH was in meetings. And there was sad head tilt from the bloody teacher. Who hates DD anyway.

And it is a reliance on the unpaid time of women and an assumption that they will be there.

I don't mind drops ins and requests for volunteers. I mind the three line whips and assumptions about family set ups.

I arrived late to the party ethelb but I am
with you now.

All those saying "just book a day/half a day off", it's not that simple. Most working parents have to save their annual leave to cover childcare in the school holidays. If they took half a day off (and that's if they're allowed to take 'half days', some workplaces don't allow it) for every open afternoon, assembly, sports day, school play etc etc they would soon have no leave left.

I don't think school are unreasonable to hold these events as long as all the kids benefit from them in some way, whether their parents are able to attend or not. If every school event happened after 5pm it would be very unfair on teachers who already give up a lot of their 'free' time. What I do think is unreasonable is for a school to 'guilt trip' or put pressure on working parents who are not able to attend these events, which some schools do, but it doesn't sound like that's necessarily the case here.

I can't really cope with being misquoted or it being corrected by a teacher
Wtf :o

I hear you OP. My DS school invite parents in for a lot of this sort of thing. They arranged 3 in school hours activities for parents to attend within one fortnight! One would have been fine. I was the child of a single parent teacher who was never able to make this sort of thing and I did notice so I always try and make them where possible but I wish it wasn't so frequent.

I am a SAHM, and I don't think you are being unreasonable.

Why isn't society setup to support parents who work? School is part of society. We all fund it together and elect politicians who choose how it is structured. We could do better.

Over the years, I have shared picnics, taken pictures and hugged DC whose parents couldn't make it to various events. I hope someone did the same for your DC.

OP, I feel your pain. I work full time too and have 3DC. I never go to the 'show your work' afternoons, and rarely 'meet the teacher'. I try my best to go to the class assemblies (1 per year per child). And have always gone to parents evening for which, thank God, they actually have evening appointments.
You just have to prioritise. When your DC look back on their childhood they will more likely remember the nice days out, holidays etc. that they were able to have because you worked, than the fact that you didn't sift through their books every half term.
FWIW, I doubt they mind about it as much as you do

I think this is a great idea, id love to be able to go in and see what my child was getting up to that often. Yes it will always be hard or not possible some of the time for some parents but i actually think this is really good for children. Im sure most parents could manage one or two a year? Especially in a two parent household.

I'll reveal my working arrangements.
I work four days a week in a senior position. My dh works full time also in a senior position.
My diary is usually pretty rammed but yes I can move stuff and if I knew things were occurring regularly like end of term things, then I'd make sure my diary was clear. Or warn dh.

Not everyone has the ability to do this but it takes a shift in mind set - I see myself as flexible in both ways (I work very long hours and weekends at busy times but take back time for my family).

I appreciate not everyone has that ability but if not then you kind of have to accept that that's the deal with having children.

Believeit you work part-time flexibly. Can't you see that isn't a mind set? It is a working pattern that allows you to occasionally attend events in school hours.

dD's school only does this open day thing twice in the year, with two parent teacher evenings as well (they run from 6 til about 8 on one day and 3.30 to 5 the next). I forgot the first open afternoon, and was torn up with guilt imagining dD sitting there seeing all the other parents come in. The kids are kept in a group though, having a story with a TA, and as the parents come in their child can go and show off their folders. So if a parent doesn't show up, the child isn't left sitting with their pile of work alone. I would take it up with the school, and ask why they need to be so frequent, and why the children are just left sitting by themselves. dD's teacher also offered that if me or dh couldn't make the open thing that we could arrange a time with her to come and view the work. Do your DCs mind that you can't make it? If it bothers them maybe you could arrange a viewing at a more convenient time, and explain to them that you can't come on the open day because of work but you do really want to see their stuff.

I guess they are assuming that whoever is collecting your child will pop in and have a look. I'm a childminder. I do a school pickup from the school that both my children attend. If there us any exhibition I go and have a quick look at my children's work and that of any mindees. I usually do a photo or 2 for their mums and dads. It can be a bit crowded if I've got young children in a buggy and several walking but we manage and they all seem to enjoy it. The only thing I wouldn't do in your example is the early pick up. I'd only be able to go in at the normal collection time. I don't think the parents would want to pay extra for me going to the school earlier than normal.

It's a silly idea, and only invites comparison and meanness when parents can drift through and look at everyone's work.

If the work comes home anyway, the parent/s will see it.

YANBU. Every 6 weeks is ridiculous. I can see why they might do this once, maybe twice a year, though evenings mixed with parents evening would probably be better. But schools should not be set up for frequent parent participation during the school day.

Once every 6 weeks? Crikey. That seems very frequent and unreasonable if it's always in the same timetable. I would suggest one session in the morning, the next in the afternoon and the third in the evening with longer gaps between so that the teachers don't feel hard done by - if you did it once per term and therefore halved the sessions, would that work? Can you talk to the head / governors?

sayhello I'm a lone parent. As in actual lone, not with an involved ex or a trail of relatives involved.

I worked in shit nmw per hour jobs until I had qualified, and now do a job which doesn't exactly lend itself to last minute absence.

Sahps, or pt wohm mothers get lots of priviliges I never have, and never will. That doesn't mean I resent them being able to have them.

So OP, if you were able to change the set-up, what would you do?

Just thinking you might want to make a suggestion to the school about how to resolve the problem.

Every 6 weeks seems a bit much but maybe they do it so that it gives more people an opportunity to make it. Perhaps suggest to the school that sometimes having them in the morning, it's sometimes easier to be running a bit late into work than taking an afternoon off, but of course it depends on the job and how close you work to home.

I don't think schools shouldn't do things like this though just because some people can't make it though.

We all make the best of the choices we have in life and working full-time certainly isn't a bad choice, so you don't need to feel guilty about it. There is a lot more to being a parent than picking up a child from school and you don't need to be on school premises to show an interest in what they are doing whilst they're in school.

Can their dad not go to alternate sessions? That way you only have to take 3 afternoons off a year

Can you miss a couple of lunch breaks/go into work early/stay late another day and use the time owing to finish early that day?

Can anyone else go? Grandparent, auntie, family friend?

Aside from the SAHM/Working parent/hours juggling debate what hasn't been really remarked on is THAT PHOTOGRAPH.

I think it's awful, nasty, pointed, passive aggressive and unnecessary.

Obviously, parents who are there would appreciate the photo but any teacher or TA has got to KNOW that no parent, who feels badly/guilty enough about not being there already WANTS that photo of their child alone next to an empty chair on parents day. It's almost symbolic. If you or they have said that you are not coming then why then sit them by an empty seat?

They are making a point at your child's expense. It's just not right

YANBU OP.

Can their dad not go to alternate sessions? That way you only have to take 3 afternoons off a year.

Isn't the op a teacher? There's no way she can take time in term time if so.

Ours has this much in infants, so we had it x2 for a year. We've been counting down the last few until our youngest goes to Juniors . Morning is way better for us than the middle of the afternoon - it's much less disruptive to arrive at work a bit late than have to leave practically after lunch.

We muddle through as best we can - if I do a couple over the year, DH does a couple, grandparents, we ask a friend to "adopt" our DC occasionally. It's only once or twice a year we leave them with no one.

I am lucky to have a bit of a support network but also I have a DH who considers it a shared responsibility. He could v easily have claimed he couldn't possibly leave work for these things but he didn't. A lot of people genuinely can't flex, of course.

It's the flipside of schools being more open and available to parents.
When I started teaching, we did two parents' evenings a year and a report. Parents didn't come into the school unless they had an appointment, and we didn't have the continuous interaction that's expected now, with photos, drop ins, book look sessions and emails and learning platforms and the rest.
But that's how it is now, it's a lot more work for teachers too. And of course, no ft teacher with children ever gets to be the parent doing all the 'look at me being a parent' stuff either.