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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cousin smacking toddler

83 replies

viviennewestood · 21/07/2016 18:44

Similar to another thread started recently but had forgotten to post until now.

Was visiting my cousin with my almost 2 year old dd yesterday. She has a ds who is 7 months older than dd and he is in the process of being toilet trained.

When he did a wee on the floor my cousin went up to him and smacked his (naked) bum/back area so hard that it knocked him flying and left a hand mark on his skin.

I felt sick when it happened but didn't say anything about it. Was AIBU to just let it go? Is it even my business?

OP posts:
SouperSal · 21/07/2016 18:47

SWBU. I wouldn't hesitate to say something.

ailith · 21/07/2016 18:48

That is abuse.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 21/07/2016 18:52

She smacked him because he had a toileting accident??
Poor little boy Sad
I would have said something.

My 5 year old sometimes wets the bed or misses the toilet when he goes for a wee. Children have accidents!

amandaxalice · 21/07/2016 18:53

Things like this make me so sad. I would have probably said something but then I have been accused of butting in where my opinion is not wanted. But imo hitting a child is wrong no matter what epically a toddler who's still learning.

Buggers · 21/07/2016 18:54

Report that's awful. Poor little boySad.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 21/07/2016 18:55

I don't want to be too harsh on you because I get there's an aspect of shock there, but you have witnessed a child getting hit so hard there's a handprint on him and said nothing.

You have contributed to him thinking it's normal to be hit like that by not defending him.

You have contributed to her thinking it's Ok to do that by saying nothing to her.

You really should have spoken up.

What's she like as a parent generally?

Onesieisthequeensselfie · 21/07/2016 18:56

Jesus. Freud would have had an absolute field day with this one.

Absolutely awful. Poor child Sad

NeedACleverNN · 21/07/2016 18:56

That's awful.

One for snacking because he had an accident. The one you are supposed to NOT do whilst toilet training

And abother for hitting so hard she left a mark!

I would have said something (and I have) but I've had my head bitten off badly when I intervened

Original poster
viviennewestood · 21/07/2016 19:01

I wish I had spoken up. I was too busy trying to distract dd so that she didn't have to witness it.

She's currently pregnant with her third and to be honest I don't see her that often - we are very different people. When I do see her she's often raising her voice to them and I have seen her hit them before but nowhere near as bad as that. It was literally a Shock moment.

OP posts:
molyholy · 21/07/2016 19:01

Wow. I imagine I would be very shocked if this happened in front of me and if it was afamily mmember, I would definitely have pulled them up with somethong like 'you do realise that your dc is now going to associate weeing/pooing with getting a hard smack/violence off someone who os supposed to love him the most.

Maybe not those words, but words to that effect.

Original poster
viviennewestood · 21/07/2016 19:05

What would happen if I reported her now?

OP posts:
AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 21/07/2016 19:05

You need to report this immediately. That is child abuse. I agree with Elsa.

Marilynsbigsister · 21/07/2016 19:07

I would definitely have said something and you should do so now. It's time to step up, put on your big girl pants and phone this bully and explain just how wrong this is, that she needs some serious anger management classes, not to mention regular supervision by social services or a health visitor.

Is it your business ? Child abuse is EVERYONES business. Letting it go is tantamount to approval. If she's doing this in front of you fuck knows what she does in private.

Beautifulstorm · 21/07/2016 19:09

I'd be reporting her to social services

Original poster
viviennewestood · 21/07/2016 19:11

As she smacked him she shouted 'dirty boy' at the top of her voice Sad

OP posts:
AppleSetsSail · 21/07/2016 19:15

What a bully. Great that she loves kids so much that she decided to have a 3rd.

Please tell her she's out of order, maybe in her own warped world this passes for OK parenting.

AppleSetsSail · 21/07/2016 19:16

You can't even treat a dog this way.

Ivydalegirl · 21/07/2016 19:20

Find this very upsetting. These are the threads I hope turn out not to be true. Can't believe as a mother yourself you said nothing. That poor child. A family member as well, can't you at least let others in the family know what is happening.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 21/07/2016 19:21

I was too busy trying to distract dd so that she didn't have to witness it.

But you allowed another child to actually suffer it without trying to intervene? Sad

Given that the smacking is obviously a regular thing I would put in a call to social services tbh. She is obviously getting more brazen about doing it because nobody speaks up. Poor kids.

Moonraker37 · 21/07/2016 19:33

This is so so sad. Please say something. That poor little boy.

Original poster
viviennewestood · 21/07/2016 20:43

Oh god I feel even more awful now. If I ring social services tomorrow what will they do?

OP posts:
NovemberInDailyFailLand · 21/07/2016 20:45

That's repulsive. I would have been utterly shellshocked. Would not treat a dog like that!

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 21/07/2016 21:07

They will do an assessment and offer any support they feel she needs. Maybe parenting classes or extra support from her hv.

Believeitornot · 21/07/2016 21:08

I dread to think what she does when there aren't witnesses :(

echelon · 21/07/2016 21:11

Awful behaviour. Poor little boy Sad

I can't tell you what SS will do but it NEEDS to be reported, for the sake of that child.
She will carry on hitting him if nothing is done.

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