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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cousin smacking toddler

83 replies

viviennewestood · 21/07/2016 18:44

Similar to another thread started recently but had forgotten to post until now.

Was visiting my cousin with my almost 2 year old dd yesterday. She has a ds who is 7 months older than dd and he is in the process of being toilet trained.

When he did a wee on the floor my cousin went up to him and smacked his (naked) bum/back area so hard that it knocked him flying and left a hand mark on his skin.

I felt sick when it happened but didn't say anything about it. Was AIBU to just let it go? Is it even my business?

OP posts:
Graceflorrick · 21/07/2016 21:13

A mark makes this an offence - inform the police.

WaitrosePigeon · 21/07/2016 21:27

You should have said something.

Act now.

RachelLynde · 21/07/2016 21:30

I hate threads like this.

I'm dubious.

DeadGood · 21/07/2016 21:31

Please report it.
Other posters who know more than me - is here anything else the OP can do for this little boy? Visit more often, show a caring face?

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 21/07/2016 21:33

As she smacked him she shouted 'dirty boy' at the top of her voice

Sad Poor little boy.

Original poster
viviennewestood · 21/07/2016 21:33

I'm going to call them tomorrow.

She's constantly posting things on Facebook about how much the kids get in terms of toys and how many holidays they're going on. I used to be envious but now I've seen that they're not the perfect family they make everyone believe they are.

OP posts:
Original poster
viviennewestood · 21/07/2016 21:34

Why dubious Rachel?

OP posts:
RubbleBubble00 · 21/07/2016 21:40

Smacking your child is not illegal, I'm kind of with you Rachel. You saw a snap shot. You admit you didn't see her regularly. All my children went through a phase of deliberately weeing on the floor - end of her tether/different parenting. Just because she parents differently diesnt make her a child abuser. Complete over reaction to call ss or police over this one incident

Fomalhaut · 21/07/2016 21:41

Report. This is not ok.

RubbleBubble00 · 21/07/2016 21:43

I would be checking if my cousin was ok and coping with two children and being pregnant. Offering my support before running off to ss

RachelLynde · 21/07/2016 21:44

Because you saw a moment in your cousin's - who is pregnant and no doubt hormonal - day.

If you really cared you'd talk to her first about it, not rush to SS.

If the incident happened, which I'm dubious about because of the 'dirty boy' comment which you say she shouted, and then put a Sad face afterwards, then that would have been your time to deal with it.

Posting it on MN....not so much.

So yeh, I'm dubious.

RachelLynde · 21/07/2016 21:45

Sorry to interrupt the witch hunt though, as you were.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 21/07/2016 21:45

It's illegal to smack so hard it leaves a mark. The op has also seen her smacking her dc before. Not an over reaction to call ss at all.

ailith · 21/07/2016 21:46

The child is the victim here. If she is not "ok", then she will be given help and the child will not have to suffer like this.

Original poster
viviennewestood · 21/07/2016 21:47

Of course I care but I have enough going on in my own life at the moment and was only reminded of the incident when I saw a related thread earlier. I hope for the children's sake that it was a one off.

Why would anyone lie about these things and write about them on here?

OP posts:
selly24 · 21/07/2016 21:50

Any initial intervention from SS will be in the form of advising, educating and ensuring correct support. If the smack leaves a mark it is illegal. Please call the NSPCC to discuss your concerns.

pooh2 · 21/07/2016 21:56

This deffo needs reporting, it is abuse - physical and emotional! It is illegal to smack so hard that you leave a mark. As a previous poster said, safeguarding and protecting children is everybody's business and responsibility. If your cousin's this stressed now and lashing out, she will be even more so when baby is born, I really think you need to act now. If you don't want to go to soc services you could ring the nspcc helpline 0808800500

echelon · 21/07/2016 22:53

I don't see a "witch hunt" I see concerned posters offering advice and expressing shock.
As pps have said, what happened was illegal and at the very least resulted in a physical assault on a toddler.

PrivatePike · 21/07/2016 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sleepingbunnies · 21/07/2016 22:59

I don't think i would have been able to sit there and say nothing. In fact I would have probably slapped her myself.

BastardGoDarkly · 21/07/2016 23:07

You actually forgot about this? Until a thread here reminded you?

That would have been fucking haunting me.

Actually, maybe not, because there's no way on earth I wouldn't have said something there and then.

Poor baby :(

Alisvolatpropiis · 21/07/2016 23:10

That sounds awful.

I can understand why, in the moment, you were too shocked to say anything. It doesn't make you a bad person.

I'm not sure if it makes her one either though. Obviously what she did was wrong, completely. But was it an end of her rope reaction? Or a 'This is how I discipline my children' reaction?

I'm sure most parents have or will do something they regret when they're on their last nerve.

My child has only just turned one, I've never smacked nor do I intend to do so. But i'm only just at the start of my experience of parenting, I've no idea how I might react to things in the future, just how I hope I will react.

NatureCreatesFreaks · 21/07/2016 23:24

I'd have smacked her back!

Original poster
viviennewestood · 21/07/2016 23:24

Yes I forgot about it because my life is already as hectic as it possibly can be and I'm dealing with some pretty big things in my own life right now. What happened at my cousin's was an awful shock but for many reasons it didn't stay in the forefront of my mind.

OP posts:
NatureCreatesFreaks · 21/07/2016 23:30

I wonder how many accidents that boy has had today... Does each one get a smack?
If you don't want to go to ss, maybe mention it to your cousin's mum? Maybe she could have a gentle word?