Cousin smacking toddler

[viviennewestood]

Similar to another thread started recently but had forgotten to post until now.

Was visiting my cousin with my almost 2 year old dd yesterday. She has a ds who is 7 months older than dd and he is in the process of being toilet trained.

When he did a wee on the floor my cousin went up to him and smacked his (naked) bum/back area so hard that it knocked him flying and left a hand mark on his skin.

I felt sick when it happened but didn't say anything about it. Was AIBU to just let it go? Is it even my business?

Well done op. You've done the right thing. That little boy needs protection from abuse. Speaking to the family would have likely changed nothing for him.

Well done, OP. Definitely the right thing so don't feel guilty. He cannot get help himself so you have done it for him. What she did - and the casual attitude she had about it - made this impossible to ignore.

She clearly wasn't going to respond to a cosy chat and suddenly say "Oh... You're right. I shouldn't knock a tiny child off his feet and scream abuse at him."

Hope she - and he - get support and help.

TotallySpies17:
Oh well done. You don't know any of that will happen either. The OP did the right thing and whatever the repercussions, that child will now be safer. How someone - like you - can think the "Oh let's just wait and see." approach is better, amazes me.

You've done the right thing
I reported my cousin too.
Fwiw my son is 6, still has toileting accidents and occasionally wees on the floor 'on purpose' (so it seems) I hate it, it drives me batty. Have I ever smacked him for it? Of course not. No excuse for her behaviour at all.

Oh yes, lets just have a gentle chat and wait to see whether any more handprints show up on him. I've smacked my toddlers bum once repeatedly pushing baby wipes into his sisters mouth, wtf have I raised? and he didn't even waver on his feet. I doubt he even felt it actually through the nappy but can you imagine the kind of force needed to knock a child off his feet and leave a handprint behind? That isn't an alternative parenting style, it's just temper and violence. Do you have kids? Would you be having a gentle chat if someone hit them that hard?

I didn't say a gentle chat did I? There are ways of approaching situations like this which are not gentle and 'nice' but still not going straight to childrens services.

Neither did I say 'cosy' ffs!
I didn't condone smacking or suggest the cousins parenting didn't need to change.
I have kids and work with kids. I've seen fabulous results with working with hv, homestart and children's centres. I've worked with a family who's home life has been transformed. Sending SS in to do a full investigation after an anonymous call is not necessarily always the only option (except on mumsnet!)

As someone who acts as an advocate for a mother of somebody who has been going through a Child In Need programme with social services - I can assure everyone that social services do not jump through the door and remove all the children of a family within 5 minutes of receiving an anonymous allegation . It takes months and months of visits, multi agency meetings, and the offering of A LOT of support, not to mention legal proceedings before a child is removed.

That said, they do have 'emergency powers'.

Regardless of what happens, this was ABSOLUTELY the right thing to do ! We may be an anonymous forum who don't know the full picture but really ? What more is there to know ? A two yr old child assaulted by his mother to a degree that knocks him flying and leaves a hand print. ? and she said nothing, not embarrassed, just carried on like it was normal.

There is no excuse - and yes, no matter WHAT reason, she absolutely does warrant a full on investigation. Her right from wrong radar is broken and she needs some serious 're education' .

Quite frankly I don't care that much about her. I don't care if she's stressed/sad/ end of tether. We have all been there and we don't attack our defenceless toddlers. I care about the child.

If this is not an ongoing situation, the child will be safe
If it is going on, the child's welfare will be monitored and protected
At the very least this parent will get the fucking head wobble she richly deserves !