To worry that DP is not up to the job of SAHD :(

[midlifehope]

So, I went back to work a few weeks ago, and my Dear mother and father have been doing the childcare for my DS who's 4 1/2 and on school hols and my DS who is 10 months old. They went back yesterday as DP's temporary work contract has finished so he is free to be a SAHD (he doesn't want to look for another job at present so I have to pay the mortgage).

I am willing to give him a chance and realise he's bound to do it differently to me, they've apparently had a nice morning out, but I came back at 4pm, to find, older ds in his underpants in front of the TV, the hob still on low in the kitchen (!!!), dog poo left on back step where it was this morning, dp asleep upstairs (!!!) and baby ds asleep awkwardly in his cot, widthways rather than lengthways, meaning a cot bar had indented his head leaving a ridge and a red mark on his head (now slowly fading).

I don't know if I can do this. He also was a SAHD for DS 1 which resulted in DS having too much screen time (left there a few hrs at a time) and one terrible occasion in which DP left DS asleep in his car and went in and fell asleep - I was only alerted when a social worker walked past and contacted my neighbour who called me and I rushed home....

[NameChange30]

Get a childminder and kick out the lazy negligent neglectful bastard.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Fwiw I wouldnt be hasty in chucking him out I would make damn certain I had enough to at least limit contact to short times or supervised until he learnt not to be a dick.

I would be seeing a legal bod and I would be asking how I could protect them before I jumped ship.

Because sadly you will find it hard to get professionals involved in what they will percieve as a contact dispute and your word will not amount to much

[ChocChocPorridge]

I've left my hob lit (but as others have said - noticed the moment I went back in the kitchen), I leave my kids out on the drive in the car asleep (weather appropriate windows left open/blankets over, often the house window open, and frequent checking), I have, even, napped when ill and the kids were still awake and watching TV (in the same room, kids sitting on the same sofa I was sleeping on). I've never done all of these things in one morning (and if I had, I'd have called DP or MIL for help, having realised something was wrong!)

Recording smacks of evidence gathering. Be careful OP. Don't let him be able to use this as proof he's a SAHD and should keep the house and kids while you move out and pay maintenance.

[Foffyouwanker]

Every time you walk out of the door you put your children in danger. Leaving a child in a car unattended. Neglect. Going for a nap leaving a 4 year old unsupervised. Neglect. Leaving the hob on and going for a nap. Fucking dangerous! Op, if I was your neighbour I would report the pair of you to social services. You are enabling this behaviour!!!!

[Foffyouwanker]

He is a lazy shitbag who needs to man up and look after your children properly or get a job !!!

[Lookatyourwatchnow]

OP, you asked for a social worker opinion. Not that you need one, as it is patently obvious that your DP is completely neglectful and can't be trusted to look after your children. I'm a social worker, and have seen many tragedies due to children not being supervised adequately. There are so many things that could have gone wrong just on this one day. He sounds like such a lazy fuck, why are you with him?

[goddessoftheharvest]

What a lazy, useless freeloader. Sounds like he's hit on a winning formula with you though. He gets to lounge about all day on your money. Oh, there's the small matter of the two children running around needing cared for, but he's doing fuck all for them and using "sahd" as a cover for his cocklodging

Oh and he does no night feeds and sleeps in the spare room? I doubt he is "sleeping" BTW

[VanellopeVonSchweetz99]

He is a f*cking slacker and nasty with it.
Big red alarm bell ringing.
Sorry OP.

[Highlandfling80]

Sorry op he sounds lazy and incompetent. I am not perfect and I have left oven on before but I have never taken myself off to bed leaving a baby I. The car. Hell I have popped into the house to pick up a book and a drink and sat in car with sleeping child .
What are you going to do op?

[Caterina99]

I'm sure we've all accidentally left the oven/hob on at some point. Difference is, we aren't leaving our small children unsupervised near it whilst we go upstairs and take a nap!

The hob is an accident. Deliberately leaving a 4 year old unsupervised for more than a few minutes is neglect. He is not fit to be in charge of your kids.

[hettie]

I've left the job on by accident, but I would never sleep leaving a 4 year old unattended in another room. It's neglectful and unsafe. You need to address this op

[minifingerz]

Sleeping during the day with a 4 year old left unattended?

No - no excuse for that.

Even if he is up with a baby in the night (I doubt he is) it's still not acceptable.

[cheminotte]

Can you try some nanny agencies for an emergency nanny for the next 5 days?

[WindPowerRanger]

He's NOT trying, he really isn't.

Worse than that, he seems oddly detached from the possibility of his neglect having negative consequences for the children.