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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD's refusing to wear a bra, her Head of Year is saying she isn't allowed at school.

999 replies

EmmelineW · 21/07/2016 15:40

DD is 14 (Yr 9) she tried a bra at 12, hated it and has refused to wear one since. She did try a sports bra, which she wore a couple of times in the day but now refuses and would only wear for PE. She's very confident and popular, so it hasn't ever caused any teasing (she normally makes a joke and is very vocal about not wearing one, she says that if she wasn't, she would be bullied because of it).

She had PE today, which was the first lesson she refused to wear her sports bra, she was told to not take part by her PE teacher - her PE teacher is very 'down with the kids' and mentioned it to her privately.

I would just like to say, previously to this, I was called in to make sure that she had a female role model to talk to about periods/bras as it had come to their attention, that was all cleared up.

Head of Year sent her home today because of it and said she isn't allowed back until she wears one, as it's put under the same category as having a short skirt. Where do we stand with this? Does it come under uniform issues? I'm not really sure what they're saying she can't come back for rule wise.

OP posts:
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6
CheekyMcgee · 21/07/2016 16:48

I look forward to hearing this being debated on Loose Women Grin

Cutecat78 · 21/07/2016 16:48

I work with teenagers (1-1) and I have large breasts (36E).

If I rocked up to work wearing a see through top I would be fired for gross indecency and possibly grooming.

Breasts are perceived as sexual in our society whether we like it or not.

I have to be careful not to wear low cut tops that might look "suggestive".

babydances · 21/07/2016 16:49

It has absolutely nothing to do with anybody how a woman dresses, if she wears a bra, make up, etc, shaves, why is it that the body shaming and expectations are so rife on women having to reach a culturally accepted standard but the boys in the school and men in general don't have such expectations.

Come on people, women should be supporting each other

NavyandWhite · 21/07/2016 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lorelei76 · 21/07/2016 16:49

umbongo " Girls bras were to be plain white or black Tshirt bras as our white shirts were pretty see through."

and yet they didn't feel the need to do something about the see through shirts!! So annoying.

OP a lot of this depends what the issue is. are you saying she can't go back to school unless she wears a bra period, or unless she wears one for PE? If the latter, are they worried about backache etc?

I don't think girls should have to wear bras at school. I think the sooner society gets over women having breasts, the better.

eyebrowsonfleek · 21/07/2016 16:50

If no-bra is unacceptable because it's distracting, do the school send home girls and teachers wearing push up bras?

FreedomIsInPeril · 21/07/2016 16:50

There is no of course about it. It's your opinion, thats all. Don't confuse your opinion with some kind of law.

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 21/07/2016 16:50

I guess this all comes down to personal comfort in the end, emotional and physical. I've never heard of a policy for bras at school but times change.

I recall needing a bra at around 10/11 years of age but mum insisted that I was too young. Then she saw me and sis on the beach in (regulation school) swimsuits (too poor for anything else) that were plainly too tight and hauled us off to Woolies for a bra each. Said she reckoned we were 34B and just bought them, no questions asked and why didn't we tell her that we were 'bursting out all over'? I expect that if/when your DD changes her mind she'll say so. Would a crop top appease school?

JackieAndHyde4eva · 21/07/2016 16:50

rocked up to work wearing a see through top I would be fired for gross indecency and possibly grooming.

The see through top is the issue. This girl has no choice in her school shirt being see through. The school do.

NavyandWhite · 21/07/2016 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cutecat78 · 21/07/2016 16:52

So the school has to change the entire uniform for one pupil?

BluePancakes · 21/07/2016 16:52

A bloke can walk down the street topless and not get arrested, not so for a woman

Actually, if the woman is simply walking down the road, she shouldn't be arrested. Full nudity is not illegal in England and Wales, so toplessness isn't either. If someone was flashing or behaving sexually aggressively that would be illegal, whether naked or otherwise. (Sexual Offences Act)
It is advisable, however, if a police person asks you to put your clothes on, that you do so whilst continuing to protest you case and educating them about the law in this country.

And before anyone gets ahead of themselves, Stephen Gough aka The Naked Rambler, was arrested in England because he broke his ASBO (which prevented him from being naked) rather than just because he was naked. Similarly someone who has an ASBO with a curfew of 10pm, does not mean that every adult has to have a curfew of 10pm.

JackieAndHyde4eva · 21/07/2016 16:52

Of course it's unprofessional not to wear a bra in these circumstances.

I guess your DH may get to rigby and peller then.

UmbongoUnchained · 21/07/2016 16:52

lorelei they weren't school issued shirts though so out of their control. We all cheapy crappy asda ones as that's all anyone could afford. And most white shirts are pretty see through unless they're naice thick ones.

LockedOutOfMN · 21/07/2016 16:52

Get a tattoo on each shoulder that looks like bra straps...

Sorry, my response to the school's ridiculous behaviour was to say something equally ridiculous.

If her nipples aren't visible through her school top then no need to wear a bra. Same goes for P.E. kit. If they are, then I think she does need a crop top or vest.

Not wearing a bra is NOT the same as wearing a too short skirt.

I think you should ask the school for a meeting with you, your daughter and her head of year to discuss this fully. It seems as if the school has made a knee-jerk reaction to a situation that hasn't arisen before. Or get a doctor's note saying she can't wear a bra.

sorenofthejnaii · 21/07/2016 16:52

If no-bra is unacceptable because it's distracting, do the school send home girls and teachers wearing push up bras

Or skirts that are too short? Or trousers that are too tight? Tops that are too low?

TBF - boys do get sent home for short haircuts...

JackieAndHyde4eva · 21/07/2016 16:52

the school has to change the entire uniform for one pupil?

No, just the shirts. For all the pupils.

NavyandWhite · 21/07/2016 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cutecat78 · 21/07/2016 16:54

Bet all the other parents would be thrilled Hmm

UnderseaPineapple · 21/07/2016 16:54

Of course it's unprofessional not to wear a bra in these circumstances.

Yes, we must never acknowledge that women have breasts. They must be hidden at all times from the poor menz.

And the obsession with see though tops on this thread is ridiculous. Does no one buy good quality clothing? Y'all must be wearing cheap and nasty Primark clothes.

Rowanhart · 21/07/2016 16:54

Her tits. Her choice.

As long as you can't see nipple (ie she puts a vest in) no business if anyone's. Why do people think they have the right to insist on how or why women wrap their boobs is beyond me.

I'm thinking one of those soft crop things as a compromise.

Anyway. I think the fact she has her own mind and not willing to conform is pretty cool.

ivykaty44 · 21/07/2016 16:54

Cutest
There is a difference between a see through top revealing your breast and not wearing a bra under clothing

Noodledoodledoo · 21/07/2016 16:55

A lot of the girls shirts at my school seem to be very thin and see through. It may be more noticeable as there seems to be a growing trend for girls to wear all sorts of colours of bras under a white shirt. This is not something I would ever mention to them, but my fashion 'education' was you picked underwear to be invisible but I guess times have moved on and I haven't.

I don't notice the same with the boys shirts - maybe because they don't have any colour underneath them or they are thicker shirts I don't know - I don't pay a lot of attention. Its quite hard to not notice a bright pink bra/white bra with red cherries all over under a white shirt.

As for is it something they can exclude for - I haven't got a clue!

JackieAndHyde4eva · 21/07/2016 16:56

What?

For his bras that he needs to look professional as per your statement "of course it's unprofessional not to wear a bra in these circumstances"

Lorelei76 · 21/07/2016 16:56

umbongo, oh I see. Seems unfair still. Would have been better to have a darker colour as uniform colour maybe. then again uniform rules often befuddle me.

eyebrows "If no-bra is unacceptable because it's distracting, do the school send home girls and teachers wearing push up bras?"

this is a really good point. or padded bras that make more of a feature of the breasts. People do just need to get over it.