DD's refusing to wear a bra, her Head of Year is saying she isn't allowed at school.

[EmmelineW]

DD is 14 (Yr 9) she tried a bra at 12, hated it and has refused to wear one since. She did try a sports bra, which she wore a couple of times in the day but now refuses and would only wear for PE. She's very confident and popular, so it hasn't ever caused any teasing (she normally makes a joke and is very vocal about not wearing one, she says that if she wasn't, she would be bullied because of it).

She had PE today, which was the first lesson she refused to wear her sports bra, she was told to not take part by her PE teacher - her PE teacher is very 'down with the kids' and mentioned it to her privately.

I would just like to say, previously to this, I was called in to make sure that she had a female role model to talk to about periods/bras as it had come to their attention, that was all cleared up.

Head of Year sent her home today because of it and said she isn't allowed back until she wears one, as it's put under the same category as having a short skirt. Where do we stand with this? Does it come under uniform issues? I'm not really sure what they're saying she can't come back for rule wise.

I'm surprised the school has made a fuss about this. Years ago people would have noticed but not said anything. On the whole I think the school is in the wrong to have made it 'an issue'. Not wise.

FWIW I think it might be worth remembering that the school previously contacted the OP regarding guidance and her daughter. So maybe, just maybe, there is a bigger issue at play here regarding OP, her daughter and school, hence the schools reaction in this circumstance.

If school noticed, it means it caused some degree of disruption.
Its must be pretty embarrassing for teachers to say that.

Bet all the other parents would be thrilled hmm

Well then they can tolerate all the nipples then.

I miss Charlie Dimmock now that you mention it!

Ok, as a "I'll wear what the fuck I want, including suits, ties, skirts, no bras" etc feminist, here's my opinion.

I work in the legal sector. I would under no circumstances go into the office or to a professional place of business without a bra on, the same as my male colleagues wouldn't go in inappropriate dress. I compromise (as a small breasted person) and wear a fitted sports bra (v comfy) and also a white vest under tight shirts (also v comfy). I sympathise with your daughter because bras are a work of the devil and unfortunately both men and women are distracted by breasts.

Maybe a chat to your daughter about school being parallel to a place of business, and that as such certain dress is expected, regardless whether any of us like it. In her "own" time such as outside of school and on weekends she can obviously wear whatever she likes.

This isn't a skirt v trousers argument, it's teaching your daughter unless she becomes a model (she may well do!) she will have to drag her butt into an office like the rest of us suckers and wear shit we hate.

There's a lot of people who are surprised that the DD is vocal about this. I can only assume that they don't have teenaged daughters who are devotees of Tumblr feminism. I promise you that they're every bit as quick to jump loudly on the slightest hint of sexual discrimination as the MN FWR board. (And good on them IMO).

Wow I'm really surprised by some of these responses!

OP, I too would be outraged and I suggest that you take it up with the school governers. She is not causing anyone any harm by choosing not to wear a bra, whether her nipples are showing or not. You cannot exclude a student for what underwear the choose to wear (or, in this case, not wear!)

As for support, I agree with other posters suggesting crop tops. Not so that she will be "allowed" back into school, just to give her boobs a bit of support. They can be really comfy!

God I am outraged by this head of year! How dare they! Out of curiosity, is the head of year a man or a woman? (Sorry if this has already been mentioned and I have missed it!)

There's no issue for being able to see a males breast tissue or nipples, so why should there be an issue for females!! If that's how she feels comfortable what right do they have to tell her to wear them, they're not comfortable even when fitted properly. I'd have a massive issue if my daughters education wasn't valued higher than her appearance

If she doesn't need a bra then why should she wear one ?

I would be enquiring why the staff are looking at her breasts as well as pointing out that a bra doesn't form part of the uniform (unless it does, my DD's old school used to specify the type of bra they should wear white or sports dependant on the activity).

However, you can buy white school shirts with a modesty panel to the front. Its just a thicker fabric on the front panels so you cant see through it and it has extra buttons to stop it gaping. I think its either John Lewis or Marks and Spencer.

Pome "This isn't a skirt v trousers argument, it's teaching your daughter unless she becomes a model (she may well do!) she will have to drag her butt into an office like the rest of us suckers and wear shit we hate."

but why? If we can get high heels rules banned then surely we can work on dress codes being more sensible and more relaxed - which may include not obliging women to wear bras?

Very unusual for a 14 year old to be so vocal and insistent.

I go braless all the time and honestly, 99% of people are not distracted by my breasts. I have noticed some people do. These people are a minority.

Likewise when I wear a bra on occasion (I have a couple of tops I don't feel comfortable in braless) and when I used to wear one every day there was a small minority of people who would stare at my chest.

It seems like boobs are the distraction, not how you choose to wear them. I can't (and wouldn't want to) lop them off so meh. I'll go with the comfortable option.

Daily mail sad face OP.

I'm with you usual, I bet OP is delighted with the way this thread is going...

lorelei yeah probably but I think most secondary schools are white shirts with a tie these days and either a blazer or a jumper.

I did feel sorry for our teachers though as the fashion for girls were skin tight black Lycra trousers with neon lacy French knickers pulled half way up the back

They may have caused a few poor young teen boys some spontaneous erections.

Lor - high heels cause damage and some (like me) can't walk in them. High feels are aesthetic (ie, women who work here should wear these and look like this) bras are not the same in my opinion.

Until recently, I worked in a school as a teacher. I haven't worn a bra for years. I hate them. YANBU!

High feels heels!

Hmmm, I'm with the poster who picked up on the fact that the OP had been contacted "previously to this" to check whether the dd had a female role model to talk to about periods/bras/etc. There is more to this methinks.

Why is everyone saying as long as you can't see the nipple?

If you can see the boys nipples then surely it's fine to see the girls ones - it's likely the same shirt/uniform supplier

We all need to get over 'breasts are sexual/nipples are sexual' and just see them as another body part

Are we really saying girls (and only girls) nipples must be unobtrusive and covered at all times?

Just as some of you seemingly do want your nipples poking through your top.For whatever reason that might be. - It's not about WANTING our nipples to poke through, nipples just kind of do that you know? Why should that be a problem for you or anyone else? The sexualisation of MY breasts is not MY choice, to me they are mammary glands and serve a purpose just as my legs, hands and feet do!

OP contact the school and if they say it's because of 'nipple' issues then buy some of these www.ebay.co.uk/itm/4-PAIRS-ONE-OFF-NIPPLE-COVERS-BREAST-PADS-STICK-ON-SELF-ADHESIVE-PS04-/130894377762?_trksid=p2141725.m3641.l6368 as a compromise perhaps.

14 year old girls should not have underwear choices enforced upon them because our societyour society still allows 14 year old boys to behave like animals in public.

I wondered how long it would be before the teenage boys got the blame.

WTAF?!