DD's refusing to wear a bra, her Head of Year is saying she isn't allowed at school.

[EmmelineW]

DD is 14 (Yr 9) she tried a bra at 12, hated it and has refused to wear one since. She did try a sports bra, which she wore a couple of times in the day but now refuses and would only wear for PE. She's very confident and popular, so it hasn't ever caused any teasing (she normally makes a joke and is very vocal about not wearing one, she says that if she wasn't, she would be bullied because of it).

She had PE today, which was the first lesson she refused to wear her sports bra, she was told to not take part by her PE teacher - her PE teacher is very 'down with the kids' and mentioned it to her privately.

I would just like to say, previously to this, I was called in to make sure that she had a female role model to talk to about periods/bras as it had come to their attention, that was all cleared up.

Head of Year sent her home today because of it and said she isn't allowed back until she wears one, as it's put under the same category as having a short skirt. Where do we stand with this? Does it come under uniform issues? I'm not really sure what they're saying she can't come back for rule wise.

I'd find it in appropriate if a female teacher were teaching in a white see through shirt with no bra on.

It would be the see through shirt causing the problem. Just as if a male teachet were wearing it.

I'm 29 and I'd be absolutely mortified and furious if my school sent me home at 14 because I hadn't worn a bra - mostly because at 14 I was flat chested and wore crop tops and because it's no ones business! However my school shirts were pretty see through and not the most comfortable so I always wore a crop top or tank top before I upgraded to a bra - purely because it was uncomfortable and because yeah, I didn't want all the boys looking at my growing boobs (which a lot of them did, and commented on it as they did to everyone). Also I found it really painful in PE not to have some sort of tighter crop top/tank top for support while they were growing. Could your daughter maybe try them if is the issue is with the actual bra? Fwiw I blooming hate bras and the second I'm home it's right off - I never liked the whole buying a bra thing but eventually my boobs grew and needed the damned support >

How about if a teacher didn't wear a bra?is that OK?
I'd find it unprofessional.

Do breasts generally look better- under clothes at least - in a bra? Yeah they do. Do most women generally look better with a bit of make up on? Probably. Do legs look better in heels? Aye. Do a lot of dresses hang better with spanx under them? Hell yes. There's a woman I work with who has fairly large breasts and clearly goes braless. I think she'd look better with one on but not wearing it is entirely her choice.

None of the above should be compulsory though.

mzS1990 I wonder what you don't do that many of the rest of us do? And I wonder how you'd feel about us judging you as "lazy".

Like what? I would never class myself as lazy. I'm not lazy. So I wouldn't care really.

This is absolutely ridiculous. I would be seeking some advice from somewhere about the legalities of exclusion.
Outrageous to be excluded for not wearing a bra. Since when was a bra uniform?
A bra is personal preference. It has absolutely nothing to do with anyone whether she wears one or not.
If the shirt is see through I would be suggesting a Cami as personally prefer to not have my nipples poking out of my shirt. That's just me not wanting them sticking out. But it may be worth having a look at the hashtag #freethenipple.
Good for her for sticking to her guns

mainly owing to the fact that women have breasts and men don't. It's basic biology. Some men do develop some breast tissue, that's not the same as actual breasts.

What is the difference between male and female breasts that makes female breasts unacceptable to you?

I think this thread is a prime example of society's over sexualiseation (excuse spelling)of the female form. We should all dress appropriately yes. But there are simple solutions to this I can't get worked up about any woman not wearing a bra it's the op's dd's choice. Sadly we live in a society whare women can risk jobs if they aren't wearing a bra.

*There are (at least) two universes.

In one universe, no-one has to wear anything they don't want to and so fucking what if it makes others uncomfortable or there are nipples poking out in class. Everyone should do what they like and let's string up the oppressors who force us into the shackles of convention. Teenaged boys are not remotely interested in or distracted by nipples or wobbling breasts. (Jeremy Corbyn lives in this universe, incidentally.)

In the other universe, people adjust what they wear to the social context they are in. They accept that some things make others uncomfortable or are inappropriate, and understand that if teachers are concerned enough to bother contacting home about an issue then it needs addressing. She needs to wear a bra.*

^This.

Sorry but there still are standards of public decorum.

Yes Freedom that's it, my bra is too tight. There's no way in the world I could just have a different view point is there? As a woman, I should rail up against society banging my braless chest at the unjustness of it all.

Or, maybe, I just think other people should consider other people. But that just wouldn't do would it? There's not enough anger and animosity in that is there? Because that's what the world needs, anger and animosity or bollocks like bras.

If you're judging women on how much of their breasts you can see, you're not being professional yourself. Personally I go by how good they are at their jobs, but if you go by their boobs, I guess thats up to you.

If you're judging women on how much of their breasts you can see, you're not being professional yourself. Personally I go by how good they are at their jobs, but if you go by their boobs, I guess thats up to you.

He runs a successful company. And I know if one of his employees came to work bra less where there are quite a few young men in the office he would be mindful of it

Then he should tell the young men to keep their eyes to themselves, NOT telling the women to dress so as not to make the men look.

This. Same as in school, where the teachers should be telling the 'uncomfortable' people to grow up and hand themselves a grip, because other people's underwear, or lack thereof, is none of their bloody business^!

Why is it unprofessional?

How about if a teacher didn't wear a bra?is that OK?
I'd find it unprofessional.

Loads of teachers dont wear bras.

Why is it the responsibility of the girls if the boys are distracted?

The OP hasn't mentioned anything about males/men/boys in her posts, interesting the rush to blame them though.

Pretty much breasts and genitals are called "our private parts", I am guessing the girl in question is not a AA cup size or there would be no problem. The thing about it being dangerous to wear a bra, was outed, now a lot of experts say you should wear one at night if you are large busted, they cannot support themselves. Are easily damaged. First it was said the girl agreed to wear a bra "just for PE", and then wouldnt wear one for the PE lesson. When I was at school you even had to wear a specific style of knickers in the school colour it was the norm. I can imagine the next step would be girls (or boys) refusing to wear, pants/briefs because they dont like them or they arent comfortable. If you are an F cup (me) it is far more uncomfortable NOT to wear one!

Navy - you can see the shape of my breasts because I wear a well fitting bra that supports their natural shape. My office's air con is so ridiculous at times that you can see my nipples. I wonder how many points my company has lost on the FTSE because of my blatant unprofessionalism.

Gah, italics fail

Do you think it's a professional look in the work place, for instance, going bra less?

I dunno, does your successful husband look professional when he doesnt wear his bra?

I don't think it looks professional, no. I fully accept the reality that a woman may be considered unprofessional for not wearing one. That might have consequences for her in terms of progression. But so long as the work dress code is being complied with and that dress code isn't discriminatory then I don't think wearing a particular garment should be enforced.

Tell the head she will if all the boys wear them too